Farewell, Seniors.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow.

I am dedicating this post to three most influential seniors in my freshman year of Amherst College: Shanghui (codename coconut), Phyo (codename porcupine), and Alex/Xandy (codename platypus). I remember first meeting them during the first badminton training in September 2013. The first badminton session was crowded as hell, and I only managed to talk to Sarah and Xiaoling (who introduced themselves as bosses of the club), so initially, the three of them are just indistinguishable upperclassmen who likes to do weird forms of warm ups i.e. planks, lunges, and jumping back on and off. I couldn't even tell that they are damn pro at badminton, simply because I wasn't exposed to them at all.

Fast forward a few meetings, all the sudden the badminton club became much emptier, and I started talking to these three (lovely) oddballs. I must admit that I became closer to Shanghee first, simply because we were both from Singapore and RJ and we started out talking to one another in Singlish first. After that, I had this hazy memories about hitting around with Alexander and Phyo as well, but to be honest I also could not remember what or at what point we started to hang out together this frequently.

I just remember that there was one time where I visited Cohan for some reason (I think there was a cooking event), and then Shanghui popped by and I asked if he was living there. And then I asked about Phyo and Xander's whereabouts, and then Shanghui sort of told me that they live in a suite in the basement of Cohan. So I was kinda nervous but I asked him if it's okay for me to go to their suite, and voila, Phyo and Xander welcomed me in their suite for the first time.

Flash forward around ten months ahead and yesterday night I was seeing them taking off the origamis that decorated the wall of the suite. Jump ahead today and after we hugged in a group with a lot of tears, I took the keys from Shanghui, Phyo, and Alex, and after watching them pack and saying goodbye, went to the campus police before returning to my room in Val and complaining to everyone that I am feeling very sad.

You see, although I have been meeting and saying goodbye to a lot of close friends since a very long time (I change schools on an average of every 2 years so far), I have never been a very good goodbye person. I wish I could cry in front of everyone, letting out long, heavy streams of tears, showing the people I am parting with how vulnerable I feel without them. But instead, what always happens is I go to this state of denial, and I feel very empty and hollow inside, just like the Cohan suite without the TV, Wii, the origami papers, and also the FRIENDS poster. I know that parting never hits me the hardest on the day of departure, but rather a few days, weeks, or even months to come.

I am grateful to be staying at Amherst, since Phyo and Alex will be coming back to visit, and I am grateful to have my brother studying in Singapore, which gives me an excuse to visit Shanghee. I don't want to put all of you to sleep with this super long narrative about saying goodbye blah blah blah, so I will just jump ahead and dedicate a paragraph for you each.

Let's begin with Alex. Alex, como estas usted? Thank you so much for being an amazing senior who is always down for philosophical discussions. I'm kinda sad that sometimes I'm not able to fully appreciate your arguments/opinions simply because I am not well-read enough. Thank you for all the Tango dances too! Although tango did not really work out for you, I'm glad we shared a couple of decent dances during the last Milonga. At least you thought my leading skills were decent ;) and yes, I will try to keep badminton alive, at least to a certain extent. Good luck in your future endeavors, especially if you end up teaching middle school/high school kids. You'll make a good teacher with your firmness and patience, but it'll be a shame if none of the kids you teach are interested in discussing such philosophical questions. Say yes more! Remember I rolled down a hill of grass for you. Although it didn't directly come out to be a fruitful endeavor, it is something we both remember well :D. We also have many questions that we need to go through (just hit me up if you come back to Amherst and we can talk it over a meal or something). (hint: role of physical attractiveness in love?) I will also remember you by the poem you recited when we were sitting on the floor of the van on our way back from Portland, Maine. I guess when you wrote that we're kind of different, that I'm more of a moth than you are, I have to agree on that. I find that "fire is beautiful", and "it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty". I guess that is reflected by the girls I choose to fall for (we can get to that later, or you can refer to previous blog posts such as Uno Amor in November 2011). But I wish you success! I really hope that someday you will have the opportunity to visit Myanmar, Singapore, and Indonesia respectively, so that Phyo, Shanghee, and I can show you our so-called "home". Muchas gracias, senor! Adios!

Dear Phyo, I am so proud to call someone as nice and as friendly as you as my friend. I am so ashamed to say that throughout this two semesters of knowing you, I haven't had the chance to say at least "hello, goodbye, and thank you" in Burmese at all. Although I primarily know you through badminton and remember the fact that you ALWAYS use backhand when you serve even though you are playing singles, I will also never forget your amazing cooking skills and the fact that you drive so well and the endurance that comes with it. Thank you for always being super chill about everything, and also for always being willing to drive us around, despite the fact that we play annoying car games (from the bang bang bang game that you googled and found and the country game which was un-google-able) HAHAHA. Did you still remember the first time I tried to cook fried rice and you and Shanghui ended up doing most of the cooking? Or the yum yum Burmese food that you cooked for the whole lot of us? :D Or our breakfast together, when I told you about my ex who's about to come from Stanford, or when I pushed my physics problems to you and you dealt with it like it was some grade-school math problem. Good luck in Dartmouth! I hope you will come and visit (you promised, so you'd better!! hahaha) and also, I hope that you will enjoy living/studying/researching there. I also love how the girls gossiped about you and the fact that you used to have a long hair and looked somewhat gangsterish. hahahahaha. So you should let your hair grow again and join the frat there. But I believe that whatever you choose to join or wherever you choose to go, you will find amazing friends like us (see the shameless self-praise?) who will have fun with you and probably make you play awful car games again. I will miss your innocent smile and laughter, but also your occasional naughty pranks and poking fun. Have a great summer, I hope you will enjoy Yangon, and be prepared to survive at least five more years of New England Winter! Take care! I cannot promise to lead the club, but I will try my best to promote them to future Willistonians :) and yes, I won't regret staying at Amherst but I'm missing you guys already. So, see you soon! :,) Thank you very much for everything!

Last but not least, Shanghui, or Shanghee, or Shaggee, or coconut tree, or whatever. Hi! I'm sorry I'm always being so immature and childish and weird in front of you. (or behind you, for the matter, but you never know right?) Thank you very much for everything. You are without a doubt one of the first person in Amherst to find out if I'm in any trouble, be very open in listening to me and be very overt in your opinion, and save me out of it. I will miss our badminton singles (we can always play in Tanglin CC or something in Singapore), our late night Cohan one on one talks in your room, or even just talking cock with you in Singlish/Mandarin in Val in general. I am always amused by how you try to eat so healthily (Salad + seeds + cranberry + greek yoghurt + an occasional Arctic Char or two), but will always fall for brownies, bars, cookies, and ice cream! Hahaha. I will also miss the jogging sessions with you. I still remembered our first jog together to the Book and Plow farm (omg it's so beautiful I must do it again before I leave Amherst this Summer), and how you always tease me that I find Professor Clemans a chiobu. Thank you for always listening out to me, for always trying to include me in the activities or in the conversations of the group. I can safely say that there are at least three instances throughout the year where I almost left early from badminton and you'll just call out on me specifically and make me play, and then I ended up staying even more later than the expected. I wish you luck with finding employment in Singapore, and I know that whatever you do, you will do it very well, and your employer won't be disappointed in you. I also admire you for always being so faithful to your chiobu, for being so sweet and loyal, and for being a real-life inspiration that long-distance relationships ACTUALLY work. Just remember to invite us to the wedding <3. It's a shame that I have never gotten the chance to play soccer with you or go to a buffet with you, but I WILL. In Singapore. Just wait for this December! :) And don't worry too much about missing out on Alex, Phyo, Sarah, Xiaoling, Hao, and Tianshen. I will keep you updated, and there's definitely opportunities in the future for us to meet. Just find a job that makes you fly everywhere lah!

Really sorry for the long rambling! I just want to add a few more things: I will be very sad that Cohan and Badminton will never be the same without you guys. There will be no more Saturday badminton practices, and if there will be, it will never be the same. I never even learned how to feed the birdies properly! You guys will be sorely missed. I will also miss the fact that I can go to Valentine and look around at the international middle section during breakfast or lunch (or VERY late dinner for Shanghui), and hope that I see any of your faces graciously nomming your meal and I can join you guys and just be a clown or just ramble about my life and knowing that I'll probably get away with it. HAHAHAHA. I imagine I will be kind of sad whenever I use the Cohan kitchen, so I will probably stick with Moore's next semester. Even our awesome study parties won't feel that awesome anymore (because without you guys, Sarah will just pull off a Sarah and snore and Xiaoling will just put on her headphones and focus and Jack will just be a Jack). Heck, I just hope that your senior year has been an awesome one at Amherst, and I would like to take this chance to apologize if in any way I have inadvertently and unwittingly offended any of you or made any mistakes either through my words, actions, or jest.

Lastly, I am very sad to say that our goodbyes will no longer be "See you on Friday for Badminton!" or "See you tonight in the suite at 1130pm", but rather "See you when I see you" or "May our paths cross again someday", and it pains me very much. But I do understand that when I got to know you guys in the beginning of the year, you guys are meant for greater things in life, much larger than Amherst. So one last time, congratulations, my dear Alex, Phyo, and Shanghui! Spread your wings, soar, and continue to touch lives just exactly by being the way you are! And I do hope to see you again, when I see you. So let me know if you are in the area! Contact me via Facebook/email/skype/pigeons/whatever, even if it is only for a small chat! I'm honestly a low maintenance guy, so you don't need to keep in touch with me that often. But know that I will keep you guys in my prayers, and although we won't be able to ever relive the old times again, we will still be able to relate to one another as we did in the past year, even if we grow up and have kids and all (I promise to be less silly, I promise. hahaha). And knowing you guys is grand. :,)

Truly Indonesia's Finest,

PS: Please let us know once you have reached your respective destinations safely! <3

Start of Summer!

Whew. So many things to write, and now I have all the time in the world. I have posted my summer plans on Facebook, which sadly doesn't include Jakarta or Singapore. :(

Anyway first things first, shout out to my friend and fellow blogger Diga for writing such a nostalgic post. I wish you were here too man!

So I had my last finals on Friday, tidied up my belongings (hey, it's still messy right now, and I have to vacate the room real soon!), and played a bit of pool. Went to Miss Saigon for dinner with Ali, Levi, Melissa, and Carina, and then went to Froyo (Goberry, anyone?) afterward. A bunch of other Willistonians joined us. We knew that it Williston was soon to be over :(. I left slightly earlier than the rest to join my second to last badminton practice with the seniors. After badminton was over, it was close to midnight and I came back to Williston, showered, and watched a movie together with the gang.

Afterward, a bunch of us (Ali, George, Brian, MD, and I) got hungry and decided to go to the town for Pizza. What sucks about Amherst is the fact that nothing opens after midnight, barring Antonio's, the most popular pizza joint in the Amherst locale. Given the fact that Antonio's had the monopoly on the crowd (and also a $1 cheese pizza after every Friday midnight), we had to face a monstrous queue consisting of drunk UMass kids. So we chose to walk for ten minutes to Pizza & Sub, another pizza joint that we thought would be open at those ungodly hours. We were wrong.

So we went back to Williston (the dorm) and decided to order Domino's. I chose to split up and crashed into this friend's room (she's an upperclassman living in Moore), where I talked to her until like 2am. It was raining, and the pizza has arrived, so I had to leave. :P

I reached my dorm, stuffed myself with whatever pizza I could, played card games with the four aforementioned chaps, and got bored. I suggested: "Why not truth or dare?" and it became probably one of the most legen wait for it DARY nights in Williston! Dares include going out to the quad and singing "I love big butts" or saying a pick-up line to a random girl in the common room of the dorm, and the truths ranged from innocent questions like "how long have you gone without a shower" to daredevil questions such as "what was the last object you masturbated at" and "which girl in the dorm would you like to get a blowjob from" (PG 13: Viewer discretionary advised)

The game ended at four, and I went to bed, woke up at 8 this morning, helped another upperclassman and his girlfriend move out. And then helped another upperclassman or two moved out. If this happens everyday for a few months I would be able to pose for those bodybuilding magazines. I slept for half an hour afterward before playing tennis with another friend (Ishmael) today. He had to catch a spiderman movie, and I had to do laundry (and update this blog yay!) so we parted. And here I am, looking forward to an amazing summer ahead.

Truly Indonesia's Finest,

By the way, I am staying at Amherst to work for commencement and reunion, and I expect interesting things: I was just contacted by an Ouyang family member of Amherst College to serve them wine during their party. (The Ouyang family of Amherst was the generous sponsor of my trip to Beijing this summer :D) I look forward being a waiter, and I hope I get a sip of wine and a good conversation :)

Summary on Schmoozing to Success

It is said that one is defined by his top five friends. :) Or like my friend, Christian, mentioned, a person who hangs out with musicians won't necessarily be a good musician himself, but he will develop a similar intuition or taste to those of his friends'.

Moreover, I made this post in spirit of my friend Aditya Renaldi's advice: If you are studying in the States, you must partake in things that you can't do in Indonesia, or learn about those things and bring it back to your country!

Now, what is schmoozing, exactly? To be honest, I only heard of schmoozing when I came to the United States. I think that it is an American thing, although there are actions analogical to schmoozing in cultures from all over the world. Essentially, schmoozing is the American small-talk thingy, where you 'socialize' and try to get to know people better, diversifying your connections. A common misconception about schmoozing is that schmoozing = networking. This is not true, in fact, the golden rule of schmoozing is schmoozing is about the other person, not about you. Therefore, you think in terms of the others' interests first, and what you can do for other people, not the other way around.

I am fortunate enough to attend one of the events by my career center which led to me downloading a PDF of this book about schmoozing. If any of you are interested, feel free to e-mail me, and I will be more than happy to email you a copy of the book! Anyway, these are the things that I learned or I find most important from reading about the book:

Schmoozing begins with the mind. Again with the touch of Buddhism influence, thinking about schmoozing is actually harder than schmoozing itself. Sometimes we need to force myself to reach out to people, and it gets easier as we get into the habit. It is also about our mindset, a good schmoozer sees a potential friend instead of a stranger. However, it is also about intuition and instinct: Feel free to choose who you schmooze up with, and never force yourself to continue schmoozing with someone if you feel uncomfortable about it. It has to flow naturally.

What the book reminded me was the fact that I am more often than not a bad listener. Although outwardly I often appear to be attentively listening, most probably my mind is drifting somewhere inside. After reading this book, I tried to fix that and wholeheartedly listen to other people when they speak. And voila, it became really easy to ask follow up questions! I chose to start small too, practicing my schmoozing skills with my closest friends before actually approaching random strangers. Most importantly, I think in terms of win-win, and always try to do people a favor without expecting anything back, starting from something as small as inviting someone for dinner or trying to include someone in a conversation.

Finally, I have also learned how to drop compliments and to indirectly compliment other people (hint: asking for advice or small favors give subtle hints that you trust the person's capability or authority) and also the importance of closure and following up. One of the mistakes I made when I socialize is the fact that after a good conversation, I just let the person become another face in the crowd, without closing it with something like: "I had a good time catching up with you, let's grab coffee sometime?" and actually arranging a coffee/a follow-up meeting. Of course, you don't need to do it to everyone, but make sure to do it to those who genuinely interest you.

Truly Indonesia's Finest,