Day 46 - The Day I Ate Duck

[warning: complaints ahead.] These were thoughts from ages ago; however, I had qualms with  Singapore because there is always a lot of pressure to overcommit. To do more than you are expected to do. In fact, whatever commitments you are having, there will be definitely someone out there busier than you. Of course, the greatest pressure comes from your friends. You are blessed if you have relaxed friends who have spare time to hang out with you and have fun! People around me? They are busy as hell. So my reasoning was, if I don't have anyone to hang out with, I am free, and hence, why not uptake more commitments? So I did, and I became one of them. I voluntarily partook in the rat race. I embraced the hectic culture and immersed myself in a lot of stress and pressure.

Anyway, sorry for the agitated-sounding abstract. Today I had the chance to go for a dinner with a circle of my friends, who are usually 'busy as hell'. (They are, in fact, still busy, with one of them just getting back to Singapore and another leaving Singapore the day thereafter.) Well, when you are busy, you don't put a lot of thought in trivial things, so they gladly obliged to my decision of eating at the duck stall near Haw Par Villa :) I am not sure if they liked it, but they definitely ate a lot! It was a funny and enjoyable reunion, and to borrow a Singaporean slang, we took turns to 'suan' each other. [suan: to embarrass]

Too bad we were too tired to think of any decent activities to do after dinner, thence we parted ways and got back home although the night was still young. Considering how difficult it is to get them together like this, I am very thankful for the dinner, and I believe times like these are times well spent. Yes, I have to enjoy my remaining happy days before hell starts next year. Anyway, hope to see you all again~

Forever yours truly,

Day 39 - Scoop

Trust your instincts.

So today is the second day, second week of my research attachment at the National Metrology Center. It was another typical day, having a warm exterior but cloudy inside. Research went fine, too, we started to actually utilize the Oscilloscope to study the wavelengths and phase noises of the laser beams detectable due to interference, while trying to utilize Fourier transformation to actually acquire proper data. (okay I really have to stop using technical terms..) The device was enigmatic. I couldn't understand what was on display, and how I was supposed to interpret the data. It was after lunch, and my mentor suddenly announced that she has to attend a meeting for the next three hours.

Seeking a refuge from the bombardment of esoteric knowledge, I decided to ask if I would be allowed to attend the meeting. She was momentarily perplexed, but she gave her consent. The meeting was the best thing ever.

Yes, yes. The contents they went through bore no relevance whatsoever to me. Notwithstanding, I paid full attention, laughed whenever they joked, and asked questions. In between breaks, I talked to people. I smiled, asked questions, they gave me insights. I was told to utilize whatever opportunity I have as an 'intern', and that leading an academic life is surprisingly satisfying. After the respite, I attended a 2 days worth of property rights crash course condensed into two hours.

The stories brought forward remind me that business is an inevitable part of science, and politics is an inevitable part of business. The talk was intellectually satisfying. I forgot whatever I was facing with, and was entertained by epic tales of how firms buy technologies to maintain power by censoring scientists and how the agency organization had some patents issues with Japanese companies but issued the licenses to the local companies nonetheless.

I learned to be driven. To be observant. To be able to communicate well. To have a purpose. To be creative. (a scientist can invent anything by theory. creativity is required in its application, to give the technology a value.)

How do you communicate well? Through action-packed information. The information you convey must be executable, giving value to it. For example, citing the lecturer, a scientist may tell his boss that the European market is crumbling. This information is of little significance. Instead, he must tell his boss that since the market is collapsing, the boss must quickly approve his projects and sell it to the European buyers before the decline in demand ensues. Fantastic, sold.

The lecture ended, and I went back to the laboratory, analyzing sinusoidal waves that oscillated and permeated gleefully through the liquid crystal display, as if mocking my somber craving of a particular woman. And the research continues...

Forever yours truly,

Day 35 - Attache

Today is the fifth day of my research attachment at the National Metrology Center. Haha, I'm getting used to the winding passages of the place, the chilling air-con of the room, and the retro-styled toilet. Everywhere around me are people with very specialized knowledge of their fields of study. Well, we expect such researchers to be super serious and strict, but my experience proved the contrary, especially as they became very enthusiastic about their fruits day (the students attached get free fruits!) and were very excited of their 'hiking' event (read: brisk-walking around the Kent Ridge park). I guess they are human beings in the end..

Anyway, currently I am still at my 'studying phase', where I am expected to figure out the theories behind the planned experiments for research. Thus, I am deposited to a room for studying while my mentor goes for her work! It's a room with quantum clocks, the Singapore Standard Time (boasting the fact that it would miss a second after a hundred million years). Occasionally you hear phones ringing, and conversations in Mandarin would ensue. (yes, the place is China dominated)

So, for the past few days, I would come in the morning, pull out the theory papers, and attempt to read them. Then I would give up, look at the clock, and curse Singapore Standard Time for being so slow. One of my idiosyncrasies would be disturbing other people to prevent myself from going insane, but I would cause them to be insane instead. The poor victims would be my fellow students getting attached (there are two of them), and I hope that they won't be sent to the Singapore Asylum soon :)

Anyway, when the clock points 12:00, it's our lunch break, our salvation! So today I went to Fusionopolis to catch up with my Indonesian friends who are going through similar ordeals. It simply felt good to be united once more and update each other on our current lives, but not when you keep getting bullied! Sigh, probably I was being retarded when I told them that I like to try tapping my access card to every single room I come across, and the joy I felt when the screen reads 'access granted'. They were like: 'So is this how they teach you back then in your secondary school in Indonesia? Must be it!' Come on people, too smart for a retard right?

20 days left of attachment. 32 days left to Indonesia. I can do this..

Forever yours truly,

Day 28 - Pied Piper

It is sometimes amusing how life teaches you vital lessons unexpectedly. The pessimistic cites: 'a birthday celebration is one that rejoices the fact that you are one year closer to death.' What we all don't know is, of course, how close we are.

Taking a train to my cousin's house, I contemplated that I dealt with four stages of life in a single day today. A child, a teenager, an adult, and an elderly, with death sandwiching them. I started waking up as a teenager, interacted with the elderly, mingled with adults, back to a teenager again, and toyed with children, and finally saw a child so young that he can be considered as an infant. Seeing the bigger picture, I realized that we are all the same. All of us display emotions, we crave attention, and we enjoy good companionship. The only sheer difference between us are the vessels we are in... And the time we have left.

Thus I moved on to contemplate how fortuitous I am; I have the freedom to mobilize myself, to make my own decisions, to have a say. I do not depend on others to ensure my basic survival; I don't stagger to walk from place to place. I don't slur when I speak; I don't struggle to gain attention anymore. Yet I have been through those stage before, and in a blink of an eye I shall proceed to that stage again. Hence, allow me to take this time and thank today, and promise myself to utilize it to the fullest before time brings my demise.

Speaking about death,
Readers, let me ask you a question. What is the fragrance of death?

Without jocose, I proclaim that my CCA, interact club, is a heck awesome one. Under the seemingly cheerful facade of playing with the elderly, the staffs of my service center are actually covert investigators.

[after sending an elderly back to her HDB, who attended a party for senior citizens by SMRT]
"They say there's a smell in the 9th floor, let's go there"

[took the lift to the floor, staggered around, and the staffs started knocking random doors ferociously]
"Hello, is anyone living here? You ren zai ma?" [Why is their face stiffening?] [Door opened, an elderly replied with a shrill voice]

[The staffs bursted queries in Chinese about the whereabouts of her neighbors, whether anyone was around in the place. The author was unable to comprehend what they conversed]

"Are you able to smell it?" [Smell what? What is there to be smelled?]
[Who are you looking for, exactly?]

"Take a look at the electrical meters, see if a soul is still residing in these houses"
[The staffs continued banging every HDB doors they came across frantically, impetuously calling the residents there, while checking on the electrical meters]

"Probably [the smell] is from the other side"
[The staffs adjourned to the other side and haphazardly knocked doors with no particular reason, tracing if any shadow of life is present there. No response.]

...

"No, let's go back down. Doesn't smell good."
[We entered the lift. The staffs stammered]

"So did.. did.. you smell anything at all?"
"I hope.. they were mistaken. The smell.. would stain our sanity.. even after we left the place"
"You know.. it if you smell it, and if you.. smell it, you better.. pray."

[lift arrived safely downstairs]
"Ok, will do. You guys may take your leave... Forget everything we had done"
[Why the hell was the search terminated? What is exactly this thing were you guys looking for?]

[Your author was unable to comprehend the situation given the language barrier. His co-volunteer displayed a concoction of grim and fear on her face. There was a sense of urgency in whatever she is trying to whisper to the author.]

So readers, what do you think the smell is?

Forever yours truly,

Day 23 - Uno Amor

Hi readers! You might think I sound delusional, but I am here, right now, telling you that falling in love and not being loved back is actually awesome! (note: provided that you fall for the correct person)

Let me start by saying that I am a nerd, or a mugger (whichever you prefer) for a reason. When I first hit puberty, I realized that I am not handsome, nor do I possess a flair at sports. So I told myself, hey, you must study hard, and you must be nice! I sort of thought that no girl wants an ugly guy who is mean, stupid, and atrocious at sports. At least I can be a bit smarter and nicer than the others! So I worked my ass off, paid attention in classes, handed in my assignments and projects on time, and revised a bit harder for examinations than the rest. I also became very nice, smiled and laughed more often, offered listening ears and understanding to my friends (especially the pretty girls :D). However, much to my disappointment, my propensity to study and my zeal did not get me a date. It got me a scholarship to Singapore instead.

So, having learned my lesson, I fell in love with a girl, who is way out of my league and would never love me back, and let it be. Prima facie, I was depressed when I realized that she will never be mine, and that this feeling is not mutual. However, after undergoing a lot of reflection, I am very glad and thankful that I fell for this girl. She is the kind of girl who I can look back in ten years time and still be proud of falling for her, not the kind of girl you'd regret, or even be ashamed of falling for.

Moreover, there is a plethora of other benefits: I am usually reserved in front of girls, as I'm afraid that if I loosen up I would turn them off. However, now I do not care anymore, and thence I become more self-confident! I used to be nice, hoping that girls would be attracted. Now I can choose to be mean whenever I feel like it! I used to study so that people think that I am smart, now I study because I am interested in whatever I am studying. I deter unwanted girls from liking me, because I have someone in my mind; conversely girls who are afraid of me falling for them now do not -- allowing me to befriend more girls. Should I be attracted to another girl, I would have a high bar of expectations before falling for the girl, only the best would pass the filter. However, the best part is still having an awesome story of conquest to share to my closest friends :)

You may ask, won't liking a girl distract me from my studies? Well, she crept in my mind during the promotional examination period, but I still did fairly well :) Honestly, I became even more fired up in studying. Well, its the thing about Asian mindset, you see: The guy must be smarter than the girl he likes. And she is... intelligent. So all the more I had to do well! Thus, my good grades can actually be credited to her :)

Today, I am able to come in terms with the fact that I fell for this girl, and I will not feel guilty or depressed anymore. I finally see the light, the blessing in disguise for all this misery, and set myself free from the prison I created.

And.. If by any chance, you are reading this, allow me to apologize for loving you, and giving you so much trouble! I promise that I will say sorry to you properly someday.. Thanks for giving me the long-lost drive to rise up from my bed every morning, the curious pleasure of travelling around the school alone, hoping to 'accidentally' bump into you, and also the jolts that make my heart skips a beat or two :) Loving you have been a blast, and no, no need to love me back. Thank you for everything! :)

Forever yours truly,

Day 22 - Fracas

So I decided to eat at Toa Payoh, in a quest to remedy my boredom of Bishan food. After finishing my meal, I decided to buy some snacks in FairPrice. Having successfully grabbed my Belgian Dark Chocolate, I heard foreign noises blasted in cacophony. Three to four Indian men had a brawl near the cashier, and immediately a lot of shoppers rushed into the lane I was standing at, watching from a safe distance their "live entertainment" that does not occur so often in Singapore.

The scene reminds me of the issue of societies getting more and more apathetic. Two decades ago, there was a famous case of rape and murder of a woman in her 20s in New York City, with allegedly more than 20 people witnessing the event and none calling the police. Thankfully, a brave man wearing a FairPrice uniform stepped in and told them to stop fighting. The Indian men broke off to different directions, and Bangladesh was founded. (if you don't get the joke, try reading the country aloud :p) I continued shopping, and when I stepped out of the supermarket the Indian men were cornered by 7-8 uniformed officers, putting on stern looks on their faces. FairPrice saves the day :)

Anyway, look forward to the next post :)

Forever yours truly,