Dear beloved readers,
It's a nice Sunday here in Western Mass: The sun's out, I'm in the library and I have a lot to do, but why not carve out some time to give you all another update on my life.
I have been spending a lot of time these days developing my rituals, sharpening my skills, reaching out to new people, and secretly deepening my friendship with her (see the previous post). I think the rituals are paying off really well: As I consume more dark leafy greens, say more thank-yous, exercise and pray more often, I find life suddenly more fun, easier, and enjoyable. :) So yes, I have been fine, as always. Thanks for checking in!
I also have been doing a good job keeping myself in check in terms of my relationship with the aforementioned female friend. Between this and the previous blog post, we have spent a lot of time together, just the two of us or with other mutual friends, and throughout these pleasant interactions I have been trying to stay objective and neutral. I did not let my feelings and my lust take over (which is hard, because trust me, she's really beautiful!), and being a touchy-feely person myself, I successfully limited any physical contact with her. I am glad I did these, because having lust and physical motives creates expectations and attachments. And I feel that I am seeing more and more of the "real" her.
The story goes like this: Two summers ago, I met a wonderful guy from Williams College when I was studying mandarin in Beijing, and I thought that this dude would be a great fit for her. So earlier this semester, I took the liberty to introduce them to each other, and ever since that introduction, she has always been telling me that she is craving to meet the dude and really admires him so much. Therefore, I did what every good friend would do: On the past Friday afternoon, I drove her to Williams, set up a meeting with the three of us, and bailed out mid-way pretending to be working on a computer science project that was suddenly due that midnight.
She had a great time with him, and I joined my two friends at around 10 p.m., getting wings and coffee while buying a glass of beer for this dude as a 'token of apology' for 'ditching' him and my friend ;). Anyways, the three of us had a great conversation, and it was only around midnight my friend pointed out that I probably should be driving back to Amherst. My friend and I ended up reaching Amherst slightly past 2 a.m.!
Anyways, I am somehow in this stage where I feel that I have successfully killed my expectations, and just learning to be happy when she's happy. And that is great, because from my past relationship I painfully learned that I should never do nice things for anybody and then expecting reciprocity! And of course, I don't let anyone take advantage of me, too! I conclude that she's overall a great person, but I somehow no longer crave her presence that much. It's great to have her around, and I am really happy when she is really happy, but that's pretty much it. I do look forward to deepening my friendship with her, though.
Have a wonderful week ahead, readers!
-R
