Hi insecurity,
Thank you for coming through me. I guess this theme has happened so many times before- I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I am scared that with where I am right now and what I can do right now I can never find something suitable.
A part of me believes that I am not good enough, that I am not capable enough, and I won't ever develop the talent/skillsets necessary. That I won't even find my passion. Is this because I don't know myself very well?
When I was looking for my first job, I said to myself, whatever it is would work as long as I get to stay in America. And then I'll figure it out from there. I now have a job lined up in a startup in Jakarta, but a part of me is scared that it won't work out or it won't lead to a development skillset or a job that I truly love and want to spend the rest of my life doing.
Yes, I want to figure that out. I want to figure out what I would LOVE to spend the rest of my life doing. I want to know what I want, and I want to know how I would enjoy spending the rest of my time here in the third rock away from the sun. This feeling grips me, because insofar in my life I have never really truly known. What can I do to truly know? How can I truly understand?
Something that has been offered to me is to focus on the feeling. What does it feel like to have true clarity and to actually be working in something that I would want to do for the rest of my life? It would range from the feeling of calm, to the feeling of being madly in love and passionate. I would wake up feeling psyched going to work, and while at work, time would fly so fast because there's a plethora of amazing and interesting things to do. I would go home feeling satisfied, knowing that I have done the best I could on that day, and resting easy as I look forward to the tomorrow. I would be able to talk about my work with pride, because I know that it is inherently interesting and it adds value to the lives around me. I would be able to grow my skillsets and knowledge, and travel as I work to see the world. I am able to make connections with people, and understand myself better through what I am doing. And of course, whatever I touch becomes gold- which increases the gold in the bank. And oh, having a great boss and a wonderful mentor/sponsor would be amazing too.
Wouldn't it be a really nice way to live? Doesn't it feel great to live this way?
