Day 15 - Côte d'Azur

Hi, to the female readers out there (if there is anyone reading in the first place), I am single and totally available. However, let me assure you that I would make a SUCKY (with a bold, italics, and underline for emphasis) boyfriend.

With impunity, I decided to text my primary school friend who is currently studying at NUS Bizad (WOW!) and asked her if she would be free for dinner. She was, and the two of us met at Clarke Quay this evening. The first and foremost mistake was not coming on time and making her wait for fifteen minutes. Moreover, we did not know what to eat, and I wasn't "man" enough to make any decision. I forced her to choose, and we settled for some random Japanese food. Lastly, I qualify for a PhD in inducing awkward moments, with all the random comments and stupid jokes. If dating were to be a subject examined in Singaporean schools, I would have definitely lost my scholarship. 

Mind you, however, that wasn't even a date. It was more akin to a reunion. Fortuitously, the ice seemed to be melting as the night progressed, as we shared more stories and laughed at our ubiquitous miseries. Anyway, life seemed to be stressful for her, too. She's not used to the Singapore's ways of living (and mugging), and a lot of commitments sapped her energy to study for her examinations. She's homesick, and she's lonely. Well, I told her, at least you cried for the right reasons. I shed my tears for a wrong reason, for a bleeding heart. And she laughed at me! At least she justified her meanness, as she told me that it's so fun to be in love. I beg to differ, especially when you are loving someone out of your league (and taken!) but at least I'm happy that my plight can cheer up others :D

So we finished our haphazard dinner, and walked around the Riveria (and hence the title of this blog post) and sat down on the steps leading to the quay. It was a reminiscence of our past. Around four and a half years ago we were touring the same place, when we went for a student exchange programme with Singaporean schools. I had vague yet warm memories about the place, as the smile of my first crush has not eluded my memory, probably being bounded by the gargantuan, retro umbrella-like structures towering the place. We talked, and time flew. I had to say goodbye.

Well, I may not the most awesome guy to hang out with, but I hope you had a good time :)

Good luck for your upcoming end-of-year examinations, and hope that you will survive Singapore,

and fall in love with someone (because you said that it's fun to be in love!!)

Forever yours truly,

Day 14 - a feast and a farewell

Exactly 8 months ago, I had an extremely difficult time sleeping.

We were waiting for the results of the JC postings, and for some reason, I was extremely nervous. I was sad, too, knowing that I am to be separated from my SJIIJ friends. I loved them too much, man. I mean, the first two years of Singapore is not easy, and not only I seek comfort from them, they are literally my life. When you are staying in a hostel with a daily curfew of six pm barring Saturdays, it rocks to be certain that you have all the entertainment you ever need within a stone's throw. Help was never far away, loneliness was seldom. I became too comfortable.

By 0500hrs I gave up all attempts of sleeping, went to Parry Hall's extensive dining table and saw my friends experiencing the same problem. We were nervously chattering away, attempting to kill time, before the text message that dictates our lives in the next two years arrive. Suddenly, one of my friends' phone gave a beep. 'ACJC!' exclaimed her. More phones began to beep, and by 0700hrs the dining hall was bustling with a concoction of emotions. Mine beeped, at last. '(name here) (NRIC here) has been posted into Raffles Institution'. In the end, only the two of us were going to RI. I suddenly felt very lonely.

I moved to Raffles the very same day. Eyeing the boarding school with awe and uncertainty, I thought to myself: 'So this is Singapore's premiere college'.

Life was stressful. Had my comfort zone stripped off, with some not-so-forthcoming Singaporeans and completely-alien-environment replacing them. I knew very little people here, even the Indonesians.

The first formal dinner I attended here would be the Chinese New Year formal dinner. That was when I first met my Indonesian seniors, a somewhat warming feeling, the 'someone-will-be-guiding-you' feeling. They were very much different from me. They came from different parts of Indonesia, with their own distinct dialects and cultures.

Yet, I cannot believe that today would be my last formal dinner together with them. They will be taking their A levels in less than two weeks time, going to hopefully a better place afterward. They've done a lot, too. One gave us tips to survive JC and keeps reminding us to study hard. Another shared hot and juicy gossips. The third and the fourth one filled our dinners with laughter. The fifth one simply laughed. But they all made a difference.

Impermanence is permanent. I will be donning the term 'senior' next year too, and I have big shoes to fill. Thank you for everything, my seniors.

I wish all of you the best, and only the best, for the upcoming A Levels.

Auspicium Melioris Aevi
Forever yours truly,

Day Ten - Interim

Life is amusing. Join me to laugh at it.

After what I have been through yesterday, I thought I would simply 'die' today, which was proven otherwise. I guess I still appear pretty much normal, and people won't take my words if I tell them 'I am emo.' My friends were like, 'You emo meh? You always look happy!' Well on one side, I am thankful of my facade. I used to be a crybaby a few years ago. My dad never failed to scold me whenever I cried, that's why now I turn dry. I couldn't cry when I need to cry the most. When my best friends were crying in the graduation party. When my princess shared her problems with me, and cried. The glob of water never trickled down. I find myself insincere.

Well, moving on, life is indeed funny. When you are looking for someone, you won't find them. Conversely, you will stumble upon someone who you are avoiding. Today is an epitome of the truth behind this paradoxical logic. On my way to my PE lesson, I told my good friend that I was avoiding someone, so I asked him to change the route. It so happened that my good friend, after changing the route, stumbled the very person I am avoiding. Adding emphasis, he asked me: 'hey, isn't that the girl we met previously? Why didn't you say hi to her?' I was mind-blown... hopefully she did not notice.

My apologies for sounding so somber and cynical. I fell down somewhere, and refused to be picked up, especially by the very person who pushed me down. I shall pick myself up soon, dust myself off, and find my new equilibrium. At least I am kind of sober.. So please look forward to brighter stories in the future! :)

Forever yours truly,

Day 9 - Pensieve

Today I shall cut it short as I'm recovering physically from flu (and also emotionally (: )

Along the journey of life, I stumbled the saying somewhere: 'Better than an ugly truth, are three beautiful lies'. Being a devout Buddhist, the fourth precept I took ensures that I abstain from telling a lie. However, let me confess, that today, I told three beautiful lies. I did this not only to cover an ugly truth, but to also protect my friends' feelings, at the expense of mine. Well, shall I proceed to defend myself? Everyone can tell the truth. Everyone can pour out their emotions. I chose to be a coward, and withheld my feelings, and with that, the truth. 

The problem with lying, is of course that in the future, you won't be able to fully trust that person again. You ask yourself: 'is that person telling the truth?' Well, I'd like my friends to question me like that in the future, for I am sometimes unsure if I am telling the truth. However, for now, let me say I am sorry, dear friend. Am I writing lies on my own blog? You decide :)

Let these tears make me grow stronger.

Forever yours truly,

Day 3 - Satisficing Altruism

If you are about to be stripped of everything you have but of one thing, what would you cling on tightly to? There are limitless answers possibly given. However, instead of rushing to answer the question, I believe it might be helpful to question the very reason of your existence. Why the hell was I born? What keeps me going up from my bed every morning? Again, there are limitless answers. Allow me to force-feed you with mine (since you chose to read this blog anyway ;p ). What matters to me is that I make a difference. Somehow. If whether you exist or not doesn't make a difference, why bother existing? Moreover, while you are into making a difference, why not make a positive and long lasting one?

So now you ask, what is this one thing that allows me to make a difference? What is this one thing that I need to cling onto, forsaking other more valuable things? Well, allow me to offer one version of the answer I found today. I attended a social entrepreneurship for youth conference at the School of Thought, a social enterprise entity which features a 'civic education disguised tuition center'. We screened a movie of M Yunus, a Nobel peace prize laureate who innovated a chain of self-sustaining micro credit financing systems that broke the Bangladeshi's poverty cycle and improved their quality of life greatly. The session continued with a sharing by three outstanding social entrepreneurs of Singapore, and ended with enriching Q&A.

Well, yes, the answer is largely expected. What they have in common is passion! And with the passion comes along the ideals that compelled them to be creative and innovative, the courage that braced them through harsh times, and the conviction that realizes their visions. A drop of passion at a time, if well-directed and sustained, would  be a drive, strengthens you, and really opens door of opportunities! And, if I may add on, 'the best time is now!' Do not live a 'deferred life plan': telling yourself that you would do a lot of good things once you retire, own a mansion, etc etc. It would be too late then. 

I can imagine the skeptics saying: 'It is very fortunate for the people who have found their passion. I am afraid I have none, or no long-lasting passion.' At this juncture, allow me to address this concern. I believe some people confuse the cause and effect. They believe that you excel at one area because you like it, not the other way around. Conversely, why not try to excel in whatever you are doing now, and let yourself fall in love with it? In other words, be damn good in whatever you are doing, so that others cannot ignore you. You will suddenly realize that you have the passion for it!

Allow me to add a story I heard at the conference to lighten up the mood. The speaker used to stay at NUS boarding, and he would stay up late and be hungry at 3AM! Only Mac Donald's would be available during such hours, and it would take a long time to arrive and costs quite a sum too. So they decided to start a business, by buying hawker center food which is 15 minutes away from the boarding, and selling them to the boarders for convenience for a nominal profit. They made their first fifty cents by walking back and forth. Then it changed to running. Then running won't suffice, they asked someone to cycle there. Then cycling too, does not suffice. The delivery guy for Mac Donald's lost his job, and worked for them instead. The motorcycle did not suffice, too. The hawker center uncle delivered the meals through his van. This is how a business started, and prospered. However, it is interesting to note that initially, everyone was telling him that his idea is absurd. In the end, the same people thanked him for providing convenience, making him feel great as he contributed to his community... with a spark of passion (and inconvenience)!

To end off, allow me to share an advice given by another speaker of the event. Smile. Talk to people. Expose yourself to different experiences. Get your hands dirty.

Have a good time unfolding your own myth!

Forever yours truly,

Day 2 - Memorial

Let me make a confession. I am a Facebook addict. And on Facebook, you stalk people. Oh yes. The hot chick who popped out of nowhere, walking seductively in front of your classroom? No problem. Look, I even found your grandmother on Facebook! So what's the real deal? I was stalking a friend of mine who became a first-aider in an event I organized. Well, she told me that she was from MGS, and I'm like: "Oh I know this girl from MGS too! Her name is mm but she might not remember me though!"

So mm happened to wall my friend, and the first-aider told her that she met this guy called Domo! Does mm remember me? "Who? Domo? Whodomo? Hmm I don't really remember him.. oh my gosh I feel bad :/" Well, I'd like to say my heart sank... not. Haha. I talked to mm for five seconds in 2009's ASEAN Dance! Well yeah, its kinda difficult to forget someone who's quite a sight.. On the other hand, me? Probably I'm just like any other guy who hits on her frequently! Much fluffier, though :D

So what's the moral of the story? If you want to make an impression, be physically charming! If you are not, go have a plastic surgery! Hold your guns, I know you are judging me as a superficial person. But hey, majority of people are visual creatures. Ask them to visualize Roti Prata and they will picture a crisp-brown dough of flour spilled with curry all over, not a caps-lock Helvetica fonted R-O-T-I P-R-A-T-A!

Moving on, I am.. very difficult to understand! On one hand, I am notorious for being a BLUR-king infused with triple doses of amnesia in remembering people's names, much less aware of who they actually are. My Moor Tarbet house captain knew me well before I even know him. After he spoke to me about some house related issues, I turned to my friend and asked: "dude, do you know who that guy was?" and he's like: "its your house captain you fluffing retard!" Awesome.. Let's hope I recognize my boss' name in the future (or be my own boss :D)

On the other hand, forgetting my crush took me a lifetime. Dammit. What does it take to forget someone? Or being more precise, what does it take to forget a girl? Simple. Another girl. And the hunt continues..

Forever yours truly,

Day 1 - Rendezvous

As you study overseas, you get to 'lose' yourself and rediscover a new identity afterwards. The new people you meet, the different jokes, smiles, pet peeves, and even tears would rock and dazzle whatever you have deep inside. Of course, it is foolish to cling on so much onto your haven, to your past. Embrace the change, or so they say. But yeah, imagine waking up and looking at a WAAAAY different figure on the mirror. And this is the freakin' feeling I get for the past few months in Raffles.

Anyway, one of the things you do to reminiscence your old figure is to talk to an old friend. The friend who knows you well, and in my case, who went to the same junior high school in Indonesia. Well, I've had limited options: only the four of us are stuck in Singapore, and this guy is completing his IB course in less than two months. :'(

He radiates of a professor, yet yields an adventurous spirit. I think it is common practice for us to at least talk about our studies (we usually compare A Levels and IB) and our future.. He is so wise and proper - like the guy who everyone knows will top the school and be the model student. However, he is precisely the same guy (and the first one ever) who told me to go for a girl (who has a boyfriend!) and worry less for the future!

Shall heed to his advice! >:)

Anyway, thank you so much, Peter :) It's been a blast hanging out with you. I'm thankful that we were in the same bus, and although you'll alight sooner than me, hope we can take the same bus again in the future :')

On a side note, we ate awesome Indonesian chicken noodles as our dinner at JTown, a restaurant opposite Somerset 313! Too bad they refunded our Martabak (a delish indonesian pancake!) as they claimed that the pancake didn't expand properly. Till next time, then >:)

Forever yours truly,

Day Zero - Rising from the Cradle

Isak Dinesen once mentioned: 'To be a person is to have a story to tell'. This blog was created without a grand purpose. However, I hope I can tell and recollect my stories through this medium: a step closer 'to be a person'. As such, I shall rise from my cradle, not to find a more comfortable one, but to actually stand up and tell a story.

Furthermore,

Nankurunaisa - an Okinawan term roughly translating as 'everything will be well in the end'. Without starting, there would be no end, thus everything won't be well. Hence, today's day zero is a commencement of a sanctuary of stories - a comfort for the troubled souls, a shelter for the fearful, and a good laugh for the bored - that everything will be well in the end.

Forever yours truly.