How are you? Hope all is well, and you are all happy and healthy! It's been a while - my last post was back in 2021 of hiking Mt Pancar, and prior in January 2020 when I made the decision to resign from Cornerstone Research, accept KoinWorks' offer and move back from New York to Jakarta for good. It's been a good four years since, and not only I have changed jobs, I've also changed girlfriends.... Life is indeed anicca, it is ever changing, and it is impermanent.
In fact, my new loved one is the reason behind me revisiting this blog. Being burned out from my role in such a hectic startup, I decided to join a smaller, and (what I believe to be) a more sustainable company called Proglix. In between, I was lucky enough to snag a month's worth of unpaid leave that I took in February 2024 - which I used to take care of some family errands in China, to celebrate Chinese New Year, to spend some quality time in Singapore with my new love, Janjan, and to participate in Merta Ada's Tapa Brata Bali Usada. The latter is a week long silent meditation health retreat with no phones, no talking, no reading, no writing, and no daydreaming allowed, and it was quite a fascinating experience that I was able to take without any reservations thanks to being in between jobs. Yet, during that leave, I took the liberty to share this blog with Janjan, in the hopes of allowing these humble words to keep her company, and it turned out that she appreciated it so, and it made me feel such a waste that I did not continue chronicling my stories for the past four years. Thank you for at least extending the life of this blog by one more post, Jan!
Anyways, there are many beautiful things I learned and experienced during the seven-day retreat. I told myself that lest that I forgot everything from the retreat, I shall commit to doing two things: 1) to meditate everyday and 2) to eat slowly and savor every bite. And I know that if I continue doing these two things, I'm a lot better off as a person than who I was in the past, and it's quite impressive. #2 is quite straightforward, I love eating very much as a person - and savoring every bite is good for my brains and for my stomach, but also allowed me to be satisfied with a lot less - meaning it's also very good for my finances hehehe.
For #1 - there are lots of reasons why meditating is good, but I would like to focus on the ability to develop wisdom, live in the present, and being happy now. It is impressive that my mind is always able to find things to worry about, and to be anxious about. And yet, during these moments, with a bit of mindfulness I am able to remind myself, "this moment will never exist again, enjoy it". From the mundane travels to work ("this moment of being stuck in traffic to BSD for the 3rd time will never exist") to the joys of sharing a breakfast in GAIA hotel in Bandung with my parents and siblings ("I'm not sure if I will ever come back to this beautiful hotel again, and if I would I don't know if I would be back with my family, and hence I will enjoy it") and of course, during a particular late-night call with my beloved ("this exact moment of sharing our laughter and making fun of each other during this call will never exist again, and hence I am going to enjoy this carefully"), and that knowing that the long-distance relationship too will change and fade, gave me a lot of strength to continue but also at the same time a lot of hope that we will be physically together soon, someday, and yet, to try and enjoy the LDR in itself.
When I first ended the seven-day retreat, I felt so much peace and happiness in me. I was very undistracted; although nagging thoughts and worrying thoughts came, they never had any power over me, and I was never restless nor worried. I have learned to ask myself: "What's the rush?" whenever I am slowly eating, or showering, or doing my task. Yet, I am mentally preparing myself to continue the descend to the "madness" of the daily routine/busyness of my life. And that is the challenge to myself, despite living a fast-paced life, how do I ensure pockets of slowness and mindfulness, and how do I maintain this inner calm, this inner knowing and understanding of the ever-changing nature of life, this awareness of enjoying the exact moment that will never exist again. First and foremost - I'd wager that my real and only job is to give my best, to be of help to others, and to maintain this equanimity as much as possible. It's slowly dawning on me, perhaps, that no matter how happy or how stressed I am, my material achievements will be quite the same, and hence, why do I walk the path of anxiety, stress, and self-torture?
Cacti in one of Gaia's greenhouses
Koi Pond @ Gaia
