Hullo -
Been a while, aye? I am on a two-hour train ride from Nagasaki to Hakata now.. Figured that this is a great time to post and to wrap 2018 up and behind. Japan has been amazing! I have been enjoying it all, the big shopping malls in Fukuoka, the onsens and rotenburos of Beppu, and the atomic bomb memorial, chinatowns, and (surprisingly tasty!) lemon ramens and tsukemens of Nagasaki.
By any measure, the tail end of 2017 to most of 2018 has been an experience of growth. Got my heart crushed very late in December and early in January, as bitter as the wintry snow, and when spring came in April I worked my first ever 100-hour week. The summer and the fall brought some respite, though, with my younger brother here to enjoy New York together. Then the winter came, whence I put my head down and crammed one finance formulas after another, readying myself for the CFA exam in December.
Well, was it worth it, you ask.
Perhaps? I genuinely felt that I am a better analyst - I communicate much better and I manage stress a lot better. I became really great friends with Kyle and Amanda. I almost ran a half marathon (but I ran a 10K!) I knew a bit more about finance. I learned and relearned to forgive and to let go. I learned about what I want in my woman. I learned a thing or two about being alone and about being lonely. I got in shape. I meditated. I ran... a lot.
If there is one most important takeaway from this year, it would be that running solves the vast majority of my problems. No, I’m not advocating running away from problems, but to put on your comfiest sneakers and literally run. Want to lose weight? Run! Stressed and overworked? Run it off! Heartbroken and lonely and have nobody to turn to? Just run! That is why to me, happiness is a pair of decent sneakers and a decent weather outdoors (or a gym membership!) coupled with a cup of hot black coffee, ideally before AND after the run. And this is why good health (and knees) are important - I am so grateful that I have been blessed with a neverending amazing gealth the past year!
In Japan, my caffeinated running pleasure is elevated to another level by their onsens. Nothing beats pretending to be a tea bag inside a huge pool of warm water after a long day of traveling and jogging, all while contemplating the mysteries of life and avoiding awkward eye contacts and abysmal gazes on fellow bathers’ nether regions... Now if only I can eventually learn to say ‘large’ (raaji) instead of ‘register’ (reeji) whenever the convenience store lady asks me what coffee size I wanted...
Happy holidays!
Sunday, 30 December 2018
Tuesday, 18 September 2018
Hazelnut Gaze
I don't know if you remember but there was this one warm, cloudy night, where I selfishly came to you and asked you for a favor. We were chatting and giggling in your studio. I'm not certain if we were a glass or two in, but I asked:
"Can we look into each others' eyes for a few.. and just do as such.. and nothing else? No words, no touch, no teasing..."
And you lent me the sight of your big, round, gorgeous hazelnut eyes. How did this color elude me? It took me about three seconds to be bewitched, and about ten to wish that this was eternity. I am grateful that I had the audacity to ask for this favor. Out of the roller coaster ride of knowing you, this was when I realized I felt truly connected with you. Your unblinking gaze showed me the warmth of your soul, and unveiled me, right before my eyes, the woman I loved so dearly.
I am pretty sure you were trying your best to hold back your laughter during that moment (I appreciate that you didn't make silly faces, btw, like how you often squint your eyes inward together, looking really silly while making a weird "pupupu" noise. Haha) You even teased me ("Did my pupils dilate?"), but I never knew what you really thought.
But I do know what my thoughts were, and here is what I never expressed. That instance made me truly grateful to have known you, to have been by your side, to have loved and been loved by you - even if it was wrong, even if it was tearful at times, even if it was ephemeral. That moment reminded me and made me understood even deeper of what I truly appreciated in you. Mind you, there is a lot, and I mean it, a lot, to be appreciated of you. I wrote you a list of a hundred things, but I'm very certain I can write a hundred, or even a thousand more, easily. Amidst the sweet words, the gifts, and the touch we've exchanged, I realize that I've connected with you like I have never before with anybody else. Now I understand why your presence put me to ease, yet invigorates me at the same time. Now I understand why even though we fought a lot, somehow things would recover and be well again. Now I understand why, even if we are far and physically far apart, our paths shall cross again someday. It's because you are one helluva incredible person, and this almost karmic-esque connection, that is more valuable than diamonds and gold, that we have.
So, I wish you all the success out there, Sichun :) Thank you for defining my first year in New York, thank you for always motivating me to be a better version of myself, and most importantly, thank you for being such a great company. Goodbye, for now, and maybe someday we'll do that staring contest again. And I'll win no matter what, this time, even if I have to make funny faces. Hehehehe.
Take care now,
"Can we look into each others' eyes for a few.. and just do as such.. and nothing else? No words, no touch, no teasing..."
And you lent me the sight of your big, round, gorgeous hazelnut eyes. How did this color elude me? It took me about three seconds to be bewitched, and about ten to wish that this was eternity. I am grateful that I had the audacity to ask for this favor. Out of the roller coaster ride of knowing you, this was when I realized I felt truly connected with you. Your unblinking gaze showed me the warmth of your soul, and unveiled me, right before my eyes, the woman I loved so dearly.
I am pretty sure you were trying your best to hold back your laughter during that moment (I appreciate that you didn't make silly faces, btw, like how you often squint your eyes inward together, looking really silly while making a weird "pupupu" noise. Haha) You even teased me ("Did my pupils dilate?"), but I never knew what you really thought.
But I do know what my thoughts were, and here is what I never expressed. That instance made me truly grateful to have known you, to have been by your side, to have loved and been loved by you - even if it was wrong, even if it was tearful at times, even if it was ephemeral. That moment reminded me and made me understood even deeper of what I truly appreciated in you. Mind you, there is a lot, and I mean it, a lot, to be appreciated of you. I wrote you a list of a hundred things, but I'm very certain I can write a hundred, or even a thousand more, easily. Amidst the sweet words, the gifts, and the touch we've exchanged, I realize that I've connected with you like I have never before with anybody else. Now I understand why your presence put me to ease, yet invigorates me at the same time. Now I understand why even though we fought a lot, somehow things would recover and be well again. Now I understand why, even if we are far and physically far apart, our paths shall cross again someday. It's because you are one helluva incredible person, and this almost karmic-esque connection, that is more valuable than diamonds and gold, that we have.
So, I wish you all the success out there, Sichun :) Thank you for defining my first year in New York, thank you for always motivating me to be a better version of myself, and most importantly, thank you for being such a great company. Goodbye, for now, and maybe someday we'll do that staring contest again. And I'll win no matter what, this time, even if I have to make funny faces. Hehehehe.
Take care now,
Sunday, 12 August 2018
Le Financier
Hi readers,
Happy August! It's funny how the days are becoming slightly shorter - I was checking the sunset times in New York for a date recently, and it showed that sun now sets at about 8~ p.m., as opposed to 8:30p or even 9ish in June! (We got outdoor seating though, so that was perfect!)
Anyways, yesterday I decided to go to the gym, and after doing my usual routine, I decided to do some bicep curls on impulse. I guess you ought to follow your impulses, because out of the blue, I bumped into Siqi, a friend from my days in Raffles. Despite living in the same dorm, we actually only became close after going to the Reach Cambridge program (I think I wrote about it very early in this blog?) and I pretty much lost touch with him after graduating from Singapore: I saw him once while I was in my semester-long study trip in Beijing, and another time when I was trying to transfer to NYU my freshman year of college.
Seeing a good old friend is always a pleasant surprise - the Universe seem to be listening to my complaints of not having high school friends in New York, and voila, defying all odds, our paths crossed again. Ya, the odds were pretty low - he doesn't really use Facebook, and he is actually finishing his Masters at Columbia. He just happened to be interning in a nearby hedge fund for the summer, and he has a relative living in Midtown East, and therefore I caught him gymming there. His internship was ending in two weeks, too, what a close shave!
Yet again another piece of evidence against "coincidences".
The thing that spurred this piece of writing, however, is what he said regarding active stock-picking and investing. In his words, "it [active stock-picking] doesn't beat the market in the long run, for the vast majority of investors."
And it's true, at least according to the plethora of academic research research that has been published in recent years. These researches cite tax and cost inefficiencies in trading individual stocks, biases and anchoring effects, and the human tendency of loss aversion in trading (selling winners and holding onto losers) as some causes to these losses (among many others). Another cause that they cited bit me hard: Trading publicly-listed securities is essentially a zero-sum game - every cent profit a trader gained is another cent lost by another. (actually, factor in trading/brokerage fees and the pictures are even more grim for active market participants).
And yet, why do these money managers, mutual funds, and hedge funds still persist? And if everyone turns into robo-investing and ETFs, surely there's a human that can beat these algorithms, correct? But I guess, as somebody who enjoys trading stocks himself would ask - is it still a worthwhile hobby to pursue, if it nets you less returns than simply putting your dollars in index funds and using the hours scouring through 10-Ks and other financial filings to watch Netflix instead? Sure, analyzing and evaluating businesses may be an intellectual exercise, is it still worth doing if you're not making money, or at least forsaking some opportunity cost?
I don't know the answers to these questions - for now I can conclude a few things: a) I'll pick stocks still, but hold it for the long run, b) I'll probably allocate even more of my excess cash to robos/etfs that track smaller but promising companies, c) If my next job is investing or trading then it'll probably involve some sort of private transaction and/or operational value-add, and d) I'd really love to pick the brains of a few active investors that I know and I respect.
Time to fire off some e-mails, I guess.
Sunday, 29 July 2018
Cliche
A single, cohesive piece.
How is it going, beloved readers? I've had a busy summer, but I'm fine, as always :) I actually had the privilege to make two phone calls two my very precious Indonesian friends back home - Mikeboss and Priscilla. The latter shared regarding her spiritual progress in connecting with her higher self through journaling and asking questions. She told me that the key difference between thinking and dialouging with your higher self is actually very simple: The former stops at asking the question. The latter actually lets answers, from the faintest of voices come out. By actually paying attention to the answers to these questions, and actually following through with it, one can actually receive the necessary guidance. And I have born the sin of ignoring these voices, the voice of my higher self, of my guides.. Thus it is imperative for me to reconnect to them! :)
Another interesting theme brought up by Priscilla was human bodygraph design - Ra style. Which reminded me of the whole generator experiment (see a few posts back). Simply put, I need to know the difference between allowing/responding versus initiating, and in all likelihood, if I am facing a frustration or a block, it is probably because I am initiating instead of responding like I am supposed to. The issue I had was one of "agency" and "trust" - if I don't initiate wouldn't I be left in the dust? But actually I read a very interesting blog post regarding this - we initiate inside, stating our intent clearly through the law of attraction, and then letting it go to the universe. At least, if anything, we wait slightly longer/being more patient before rushing into action. And funnily enough - whenever I was patient enough to wait before initiating, it seems that the rewards are great for me :) like one night I had to work late in the office - noticing a friend who I wanted to hang out with for a while. And she reached out! And we walked home together as a result, having some fun while catching up.
The next learning point would be mentalism - the fact that you are not your thoughts, you get right answers IF you ask the questions and IF you listen to them, and that these thoughts might come from others instead of you. For example - out of the blue, I just got really jealous and started thinking negatively about a girl who I used to date. However, this time, I was able to catch myself and ask: "Wait a second. Why am I having these thoughts all the sudden? How much of these thoughts are actually me?" I figured there was no reason whatsoever for me to be jealous all the sudden - we were on good terms and I haven't really been in touch with her for the past few days or so. It finally dawned upon me that I might be picking up these feelings from her instead, however, being played out/translated into my own version instead (yes - I might have made her feel a bit jealous the last time we texted..). I decided to show compassion to these thoughts - being grateful for the feeling, and also asking the Universe to transmit calming thoughts to her, something along the lines of: "If, this is for the greater good, please let these thoughts reach her. Please tell her that she doesn't have anything to be jealous about, that I truly care for her, and that she can have my time or attention if she wants to." And surprise, surprise, magically, the negative thoughts stopped bothering me again! :) Same process applied to a coworker who I thought didn't really like me. Maybe this was just in my head, or maybe it was real, but after sending such a thought, (well, give it a day or two), all became well again!
Now. The thing I need to figure out would be the optimal amount of self-care time. What I am currently experiencing is the exact opposite of loneliness haha. This is so interesting - I guess it is the feeling of being stretched too thin. It's definitely better now that I have had the opportunity to reclaim my independence by going to the gym and being by myself, resting enough, and reflecting, but going forward, I'd love to be in a situation where I am in a fantastic relationship with the woman of my dreams, but still having time for myself. I'd love to be in a relationship where we both truly adore each other and can't wait to be with each other and spending quality time with each other, but at the same time, still making time for other things in life, and most importantly, a respect for our own time and space :) Most importantly, I think she's a keeper if she's not demanding, and not judgmental. In other words, if she's kind, able to love things the way they are, and is grateful about the small things in life. I'm excited! Thank you.
May you all have a good week ahead,
R
How is it going, beloved readers? I've had a busy summer, but I'm fine, as always :) I actually had the privilege to make two phone calls two my very precious Indonesian friends back home - Mikeboss and Priscilla. The latter shared regarding her spiritual progress in connecting with her higher self through journaling and asking questions. She told me that the key difference between thinking and dialouging with your higher self is actually very simple: The former stops at asking the question. The latter actually lets answers, from the faintest of voices come out. By actually paying attention to the answers to these questions, and actually following through with it, one can actually receive the necessary guidance. And I have born the sin of ignoring these voices, the voice of my higher self, of my guides.. Thus it is imperative for me to reconnect to them! :)
Another interesting theme brought up by Priscilla was human bodygraph design - Ra style. Which reminded me of the whole generator experiment (see a few posts back). Simply put, I need to know the difference between allowing/responding versus initiating, and in all likelihood, if I am facing a frustration or a block, it is probably because I am initiating instead of responding like I am supposed to. The issue I had was one of "agency" and "trust" - if I don't initiate wouldn't I be left in the dust? But actually I read a very interesting blog post regarding this - we initiate inside, stating our intent clearly through the law of attraction, and then letting it go to the universe. At least, if anything, we wait slightly longer/being more patient before rushing into action. And funnily enough - whenever I was patient enough to wait before initiating, it seems that the rewards are great for me :) like one night I had to work late in the office - noticing a friend who I wanted to hang out with for a while. And she reached out! And we walked home together as a result, having some fun while catching up.
The next learning point would be mentalism - the fact that you are not your thoughts, you get right answers IF you ask the questions and IF you listen to them, and that these thoughts might come from others instead of you. For example - out of the blue, I just got really jealous and started thinking negatively about a girl who I used to date. However, this time, I was able to catch myself and ask: "Wait a second. Why am I having these thoughts all the sudden? How much of these thoughts are actually me?" I figured there was no reason whatsoever for me to be jealous all the sudden - we were on good terms and I haven't really been in touch with her for the past few days or so. It finally dawned upon me that I might be picking up these feelings from her instead, however, being played out/translated into my own version instead (yes - I might have made her feel a bit jealous the last time we texted..). I decided to show compassion to these thoughts - being grateful for the feeling, and also asking the Universe to transmit calming thoughts to her, something along the lines of: "If, this is for the greater good, please let these thoughts reach her. Please tell her that she doesn't have anything to be jealous about, that I truly care for her, and that she can have my time or attention if she wants to." And surprise, surprise, magically, the negative thoughts stopped bothering me again! :) Same process applied to a coworker who I thought didn't really like me. Maybe this was just in my head, or maybe it was real, but after sending such a thought, (well, give it a day or two), all became well again!
Now. The thing I need to figure out would be the optimal amount of self-care time. What I am currently experiencing is the exact opposite of loneliness haha. This is so interesting - I guess it is the feeling of being stretched too thin. It's definitely better now that I have had the opportunity to reclaim my independence by going to the gym and being by myself, resting enough, and reflecting, but going forward, I'd love to be in a situation where I am in a fantastic relationship with the woman of my dreams, but still having time for myself. I'd love to be in a relationship where we both truly adore each other and can't wait to be with each other and spending quality time with each other, but at the same time, still making time for other things in life, and most importantly, a respect for our own time and space :) Most importantly, I think she's a keeper if she's not demanding, and not judgmental. In other words, if she's kind, able to love things the way they are, and is grateful about the small things in life. I'm excited! Thank you.
May you all have a good week ahead,
R
Friday, 13 July 2018
Hmm
I think I've got it figured all out!
Play the game to win.
But enjoy the game, love the game.
And remember, at the end of the day, it's just a game.
;)
Play the game to win.
But enjoy the game, love the game.
And remember, at the end of the day, it's just a game.
;)
Wednesday, 11 July 2018
Making the Familiar Unfamiliar, Making the Unfamiliar Familiar
Warning: Less coherency ahead.
I've been experimenting a lot with Hypnosis by Marisa Peer these days. I'm enrolled in her class through Mindvalley, called Uncompromised Life. Marisa Peer truly brings out the best in me. Her most basic premise is that what you need to carefully do is adjust how you dialogue with yourself. Your life is all about what you make your mind familiar and unfamiliar with. And yes, as part of the homework assignment, she asked us to think about what are you familiar with but want to make unfamiliar, and what are the things you are unfamiliar with, but would love to make familiar.
So...
The past Saturday I went on my second date with a particular girl - let's call her Campbell for now. We first met a while back, and it has been on and off with her. To be fair, the "off" parts were mostly due to us being type A regarding our work.. and so when work calmed down we somehow found time for each other and were able to hang out again.
This was a beautiful date in a brunch spot in Upper West Side, and we wandered around Central Park afterward because the weather was just too perfect. The date went well, even by the most conservative standards. We found a lot of common interests, went pretty deep, and even had a bunch of potential future to-dos together. It was nice, actually, to have a girl really being into me. We were touchy, she's focused on her date, and she asked me questions - seemingly really interested into me.
I am super grateful for that - and yes, there's no need to rush. I understand and I appreciate her, very much. She's like a gift for me, and I totally get it that I'd love to make that feeling familiar, the feeling of being really attractive, being really valued, and being really appreciated. She made me feel that I mattered. And so I shall. I shall actively focus on my attention (and being really grateful for) on situations where I am attractive and am valued.
Thank you so so much for this gift! There is no rush, but I'm grateful, really grateful. And above all, I really love it, the feeling that I am attractive, that I matter, that I am valuable. And therefore, I am going to gift it to myself.
Thanks, Campbell! Looking forward to hang out soon again :) and maybe more hugs next time :p
Sunday, 24 June 2018
The Birthday Post
Hi friends,
Thank you very much for your kind birthday wishes! I appreciate them very much, and I am truly grateful that every single one of you is part of my life :)
Indulge me as I reflect on my life. After all, I just turned 25 and I deserve to at least pretend that I'm facing my quarter-life crisis ;) I grew up playing a lot of games, and my favorite has always been role-playing games. These games invite us to adventures as make-believe characters, exploring the virtual world while making them stronger and more adept by leveling up and raising status points. The crux is, of course, for the character to become better at what they are doing - knights inflict more damage, wizards cast stronger spells, and acolytes more adept at healing wounds.
If you aren't really into fantasy games, then think of a fresh Computer Science major trying to code in Python, or a twelve-year-old playing the piano for the first time. As time passes, and with deliberate effort, they will be a better Python coder and a piano player respectively - they would have the experience and developed the right skills in utilizing these instruments in order to achieve better results, be it simulating the traveling salesman in linear time (not possible, btw) or skillfully playing fantasie impromptu.
Therefore, I can't help but think if as these years go by, I have been a better player in this game of life. Sure, I may have worked hard and became a better analyst at Cornerstone Research. Sure, I may have "seen the world" and have settled and enjoyed living in New York. Sure, I may have developed a circle of friends who I truly adore and who I can count on. But have I truly become better in life?
Friends, I invite you to think of your own yardsticks of life - tools to measure what life means to you. Meanwhile, let me share you some of mine that I strive to emulate. I saw these qualities within extraordinary individuals that I am tremendously lucky to have crossed paths with:
1. Needlessness. If you think about it, there are very little things you "need" to be happy, and even less so to survive. There's nothing wrong with having preferences and possessions, but the sages I met know that preferences are just preferences, and they don't confuse them with needs. No wonder they are happy all the time!
2. Gratefulness. A curious observation: The most successful, beautiful, and kind souls I have met happen to be the most grateful ones as well. They love, and are grateful, even of the smallest things in their life - the air to breathe, the sunshine, the birds chirping.. Are they grateful because they're happy? Or are they happy because they're grateful? Hmm..
3. Tounge-in-cheekiness. My favorite people around me have one trait in common: They never take themselves (or anything else, for the matter) too seriously. These highly successful and capable people know themselves, but they're never too rigid about their beliefs. These people irreverently see humor in the darkest situations. However, most importantly - they love giving themselves a good laugh! I truly hope I can become like that soon:)
All right, that's all, folks! I am in your care, this year, and onwards. Please come say hi if you ever find yourself in New York, and know that I am very grateful for you :)
Cheerz,
Thank you very much for your kind birthday wishes! I appreciate them very much, and I am truly grateful that every single one of you is part of my life :)
Indulge me as I reflect on my life. After all, I just turned 25 and I deserve to at least pretend that I'm facing my quarter-life crisis ;) I grew up playing a lot of games, and my favorite has always been role-playing games. These games invite us to adventures as make-believe characters, exploring the virtual world while making them stronger and more adept by leveling up and raising status points. The crux is, of course, for the character to become better at what they are doing - knights inflict more damage, wizards cast stronger spells, and acolytes more adept at healing wounds.
If you aren't really into fantasy games, then think of a fresh Computer Science major trying to code in Python, or a twelve-year-old playing the piano for the first time. As time passes, and with deliberate effort, they will be a better Python coder and a piano player respectively - they would have the experience and developed the right skills in utilizing these instruments in order to achieve better results, be it simulating the traveling salesman in linear time (not possible, btw) or skillfully playing fantasie impromptu.
Therefore, I can't help but think if as these years go by, I have been a better player in this game of life. Sure, I may have worked hard and became a better analyst at Cornerstone Research. Sure, I may have "seen the world" and have settled and enjoyed living in New York. Sure, I may have developed a circle of friends who I truly adore and who I can count on. But have I truly become better in life?
Friends, I invite you to think of your own yardsticks of life - tools to measure what life means to you. Meanwhile, let me share you some of mine that I strive to emulate. I saw these qualities within extraordinary individuals that I am tremendously lucky to have crossed paths with:
1. Needlessness. If you think about it, there are very little things you "need" to be happy, and even less so to survive. There's nothing wrong with having preferences and possessions, but the sages I met know that preferences are just preferences, and they don't confuse them with needs. No wonder they are happy all the time!
2. Gratefulness. A curious observation: The most successful, beautiful, and kind souls I have met happen to be the most grateful ones as well. They love, and are grateful, even of the smallest things in their life - the air to breathe, the sunshine, the birds chirping.. Are they grateful because they're happy? Or are they happy because they're grateful? Hmm..
3. Tounge-in-cheekiness. My favorite people around me have one trait in common: They never take themselves (or anything else, for the matter) too seriously. These highly successful and capable people know themselves, but they're never too rigid about their beliefs. These people irreverently see humor in the darkest situations. However, most importantly - they love giving themselves a good laugh! I truly hope I can become like that soon:)
All right, that's all, folks! I am in your care, this year, and onwards. Please come say hi if you ever find yourself in New York, and know that I am very grateful for you :)
Cheerz,
Wednesday, 23 May 2018
Achievement Unlocked
Hi readers!
Apologies that it has been a while - I had just finished filing a case that involved me billing around a hundred hours in a week. It's a game-changing moment, an achievement-unlocked moment, where you know you've crossed a threshold of some sorts. After all, who can genuinely say that they have spent a hundred hours working out of the 168 or so hours available in a week?! I can! Since the day after my previous post, I had been coming back to the office (yes, including the weekends), and I am genuinely amazed by how much work I can take, but also by how my fellow bankers can survive these hours constantly, cranking out work endlessly like a champ.
I honestly thought that it would take quite some time before I fully recover, but I'm (positively) surprised that I was wrong. Even though toward the few nights before filing I was negative and tired, to say the least, a Neale Donald Walsch class, plus a quick 30 min run, and a Jeffery Allen class, were enough to make me happy and healthy again - raring to go. It's also funny how when I just set my intent to focus on completely filing and finishing my project, distractions just eluded me - I would go through days without any texts or invites or people checking in. But when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, that blockage dissolved, and (seemingly serendipitous) invitations for lunch, dinner, drinks, parties, and catch-ups, just seemingly started pouring in.
I guess another spiritual update I have is that I am trying my best to play around with my aura and chakras - to play around with allowing and letting go of the pictures I hold of myself and of life and of the world, replacing them with clean and pure energy instead and letting everything be neutral and yummy. I achieve this by remembering my boundaries and setting my auras and chakras at permission level, by practicing breathing (with this new device called lief that keeps track of my heart variability rate!) and adjusting my chakras to resonate with a great message while keeping it to myself :) it has been looking very promising so far, I'm just able to stay cool and accepting of myself, which rocks!
Anyways, got to go to bed soon, maybe a longer post next time?
Oh also, I'm doing this thing called I am that. Basically, when you walk down a street and whatever you see in your eyes, tell yourself, 'I am that', 'I am that', 'I am that'.
Because we are all that :)
And a quote that is stuck with me - (Jon Butcher, Lifebook) life is a healthy combination of intention and allowing. Set your intent, work through your intent, follow through with your intent, but let and allow all the good things to come to you :)
Apologies that it has been a while - I had just finished filing a case that involved me billing around a hundred hours in a week. It's a game-changing moment, an achievement-unlocked moment, where you know you've crossed a threshold of some sorts. After all, who can genuinely say that they have spent a hundred hours working out of the 168 or so hours available in a week?! I can! Since the day after my previous post, I had been coming back to the office (yes, including the weekends), and I am genuinely amazed by how much work I can take, but also by how my fellow bankers can survive these hours constantly, cranking out work endlessly like a champ.
I honestly thought that it would take quite some time before I fully recover, but I'm (positively) surprised that I was wrong. Even though toward the few nights before filing I was negative and tired, to say the least, a Neale Donald Walsch class, plus a quick 30 min run, and a Jeffery Allen class, were enough to make me happy and healthy again - raring to go. It's also funny how when I just set my intent to focus on completely filing and finishing my project, distractions just eluded me - I would go through days without any texts or invites or people checking in. But when I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, that blockage dissolved, and (seemingly serendipitous) invitations for lunch, dinner, drinks, parties, and catch-ups, just seemingly started pouring in.
I guess another spiritual update I have is that I am trying my best to play around with my aura and chakras - to play around with allowing and letting go of the pictures I hold of myself and of life and of the world, replacing them with clean and pure energy instead and letting everything be neutral and yummy. I achieve this by remembering my boundaries and setting my auras and chakras at permission level, by practicing breathing (with this new device called lief that keeps track of my heart variability rate!) and adjusting my chakras to resonate with a great message while keeping it to myself :) it has been looking very promising so far, I'm just able to stay cool and accepting of myself, which rocks!
Anyways, got to go to bed soon, maybe a longer post next time?
Oh also, I'm doing this thing called I am that. Basically, when you walk down a street and whatever you see in your eyes, tell yourself, 'I am that', 'I am that', 'I am that'.
Because we are all that :)
And a quote that is stuck with me - (Jon Butcher, Lifebook) life is a healthy combination of intention and allowing. Set your intent, work through your intent, follow through with your intent, but let and allow all the good things to come to you :)
Saturday, 28 April 2018
Best Practices
Hello readers,
How goes it? It has been a busy past few weeks, and will be so for the next three weeks or so due to a case filing deadline. Yup, let's start off with a few life updates and then get down to business.
My roommate, Hao, just left for a job in Morgan Stanley Beijing today. Paul, him, and I had a wonderful goodbye dinner at Le Coucou last night. The food there was nothing short of amazing (definitely the best French food I've ever had) - fulfilled my dream to eat Chou Farci, and had a wonderful three-hour long dinner and conversation. My history with Hao is slightly convoluted, but I have always appreciated his presence and his chillness when he was around. He was also really kind and even invited me to stay over at his place before I became his roommate in New York. Anyways, he will be missed.
Anyways, this post is titled best practices because I wanted to keep an inventory on what best practices I follow daily. Maybe bullet points, if you're cool?
Positive Rituals (i.e. deliberately added):
How goes it? It has been a busy past few weeks, and will be so for the next three weeks or so due to a case filing deadline. Yup, let's start off with a few life updates and then get down to business.
My roommate, Hao, just left for a job in Morgan Stanley Beijing today. Paul, him, and I had a wonderful goodbye dinner at Le Coucou last night. The food there was nothing short of amazing (definitely the best French food I've ever had) - fulfilled my dream to eat Chou Farci, and had a wonderful three-hour long dinner and conversation. My history with Hao is slightly convoluted, but I have always appreciated his presence and his chillness when he was around. He was also really kind and even invited me to stay over at his place before I became his roommate in New York. Anyways, he will be missed.
Anyways, this post is titled best practices because I wanted to keep an inventory on what best practices I follow daily. Maybe bullet points, if you're cool?
Positive Rituals (i.e. deliberately added):
- Six-phase meditation;
- Healing meditation;
- Gratitude - the Magic;
- Lifts and Gyms;
- Life planning (courses, Mindvalley quests, finance/net worth tracker);
- Learning;
- Bulletproof coffee.
Negative Rituals (i.e. deliberately left out):
- Sugar;
- Alcohol;
- Deep-fried food;
- Flour, white carbs;
- Women? Hmm still wavering on this
The other component to it would be sexual transmutation - which I guess is a combination of a positive ritual and negative ritual (Google for details). This is really both personal and powerful because I'm the kind of person who is intrinsically motivated by the opposite sex, and if I leverage this strong attraction properly it can become an otherworldly source of motivation to improve on myself.
How are the results? It's been really good! I feel that I am on average, happier and more energetic. I've been under some learning curves/growth periods so far, but I now trust that it is all meant to be and it's for the better as it is a result of my unconscious energy clearing. I am in a much, much better physical shape than as short as six months ago, and this obviously also feeds into my confidence, appreciation of life, and also social attraction. The healing meditation/course has also offered amazing benefits on energy and tapping intuition or wisdom, which I have somewhat utilized in the past but I know that I have that tool with me going forward.
It comes back to what is important for you. And the most important thing is to compare you against yourself in the past, not any others. For everyone is walking their own unique individual paths. I'd given it some thought too - improving your energy is probably the first and most important thing, because everything is energetic in nature. I'd venture to say that your fate or destiny or karma is energetic - the energy that is you or is within you defines your life. But hey, there's a feedback loop on this, because I'm quite certain that if one earnestly tries to think better thoughts, feel better feelings, and do good, the energy within can be vibrationally improved too. And as the energy improves, the life manifested improves - making a positive loop.
Now, because there is always room for improvement - I'd love to have more quantum jumps in my life, set deliberate goals to improve my social relationships and establish my clan (or tribe, as Vishen likes to put it), and put manga/games in my negative ritual. I'd also love to learn how to learn for pleasure. hehe.
Cheers,
Sunday, 15 April 2018
Essence of Vibrations
Dear benevolent readers,
Hope you've had an enjoyable weekend! I had a tremendously pleasurable Saturday night - Chelsea invited me to watch a stand-up comedy show, and the two of us got seated right smack in front of the stage. This was quite the experience: I have been to plenty of stand-ups but have never sat on the front row, much less with a beautiful lady friend accompanying me.
Of course, the comics couldn't resist themselves when they see (what they perceive as) an Asian couple calmly enjoying tea instead of alcohol in the front row. We got questions from "Are you two in a relationship" (she strongly refuted it) to "Why aren't you eating your hot dog, good sir" (my jaws hurt from all the laughing). Somehow, with a mix of bluffing, good humor, and sarcasm, I managed to fend off these projectiles coming our way pretty well, and afterward Chelsea also acknowledged that I did a good job! Hey, well done, me ;) all credits go to my inner troll that activates when there's a cute girl nearby..
Anyways, ahem, going on to the main topic -
Vibrations.
Let's start with the premise of duality: Everything exists in a matter form and an energy form simultaneously. I think in physics this is called wave-particle duality. Therefore, we have a physical body, (in my case, who is typing on the laptop right now) and a wave-like/energy-like/non-physical body (part of which is often wandering around thinking about girls, hahaha). Jeffery Allen, in his Duality class, asserted that the physical body acts as a container to the non-physical body, and that the non-physical body is much, much larger than the physical body itself.
Moving on to establishing the second premise: Similar to how your eyes act as an interpreter of light, and your skin an interpreter of heat, your feelings act as an interpreter to the vibrations you are giving off (and vibrations that you are in contact with, that you pick up). And different feelings have different vibrations - happiness and joy feels very different from despair, for the very reason that these emotions vibrate at tremendously different frequencies.
And finally, the third premise is that what we attract in the physical reality is in direct correspondence with the vibrations that we are giving out. In other words, there is no way that a person giving out dismal vibes is going to attract pleasant physical events. An analogy that is often used is a radio and a satellite transmitter - there is no way a radio can play the rock songs of 95.1 FM if it is set to receive the news from 108.8 FM.
What must follow from these premises is a conclusion that there is nothing we CANNOT do, be, have, or achieve - as long as we can give out the vibrations that match the frequency of our desires, and maintain it at that level. It is really simple to know whether you are manifesting what you want or not, too, thanks to the second premise: Simply note your feelings!
I repeat: When one is giving out a certain kind of vibration, it is immediately and is always responded to by the Universe with an identical kind of vibration toward that said person. Sure, there is a lag in the physical world compared to the non-physical world (and for good reason!), but it will get there.
If you're like me, and almost every other person on earth, the essence of your desires are probably emotions of joy, happiness, fun, peace, excitement, love, compassion, forgiveness, and companionship. And therefore I resolve to trust the universe in this - that I shall give out these vibes and they will come to me and that I won't be too fussy about the details. If I want chocolate cakes because it makes me really happy and instead I got a bunch of meatballs that make me really happy, my need for happiness has been fulfilled! Similarly, sometimes my needs are also being met non-physically while it is coming to my way physically. For example, I've had a couple dreams of fun and romance in the middle of a hectic week at work, simply because I asked for something fun and for some romance while I was exhausted at work. I remember woke up with a huge grin on my face and being really happy and content - my need was fulfilled because I could felt the same vibrational essence!
Try it out, ask for what you want, and just pretend as if you have gotten it.
Saturday, 7 April 2018
Gifts
Hi readers, how is it going?
Hahaha. This week has been on the rougher spectrum, for multiple reasons. But yet, if one lives with the premise that the condition of life is optimal, then one must accept that everything in one's life happens for that said person.
I'd like to think that after attending Eckhart Tolle's talk, and listening to other big ideas, including creation, feelings as an indicator, and avoiding living in a me-centered universe, I'd be unfuckwithable. What does being unfuckwithable mean? Popularized by Vishen Lakhiani, being unfuckwithable means having persistent inner peace and self-love regardless of one's external circumstances. Alas, reaching that state takes some practice.
Not taking one's life seriously takes some practice. Forgiving others and letting go takes practice. Not fully believing and identifying with one's thoughts takes practice.
And well, put it that way, this week has given me the opportunity of such practice. Work was busy this week - I put in close to 70 hours I think by today. On top of that, I got yelled at, and I didn't get the non-billable I wanted. And I took everything personally.
But hey, armed with a new mental model and a greater understanding, I began to take it easy. What if this all happens for me? What if there are better things out there that now is coming to my life, because all these happened? What if these are the things I really needed? And of course - I take responsibility too. I ended the blame game such that I don't blame anyone, including myself, but I take responsibility!
Therefore, thank you, Universe, for giving me a challenging week. I am grateful, because this was a great opportunity showing the fruits of my training. I have become more patient, more optimistic, and more forgiving. And I will continue toward that perfection, until I can operate at the full state of allowing and surrender, and have inner peace and fun wherever I go and whatever I do. That I wake up, one day, feeling full and complete, fully accepting and loving myself, finally realizing and continuously feeling enough.
Thank you. I am getting there.
Sunday, 1 April 2018
The Present
Once upon a time,
I was browsing through my Instagram, and discovered that a profound spiritual teacher by the name of Eckhart Tolle was planning on speaking in New York City. Eckhart Tolle is well-known for stoicism, and I thought, why not try and heal myself right now? Therefore, I went to the ticketmaster website and paid over two hundred bucks to secure myself a seat to listen him speak.
Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I found myself in a line that stretched round the block of the Beacon Theatre on a 7:30 pm on a Saturday. Nested in between Tolle enthusiasts, I was silently how beautiful the pre-war buildings in this posh area was. I swiftly got through security and prepared myself to take lots of notes - I came armed with a pen and my tiny Optiver notebook, but as Tolle started speaking I gave up any attempt to be subtle about my note-taking.
Yes, it was worth my two hundred bucks. I am just writing down things without referring to the notebook, and these things are definitely what is worth remembering.
Most people don't know who they truly are. They know their past, their history, and their future, their plans and goals. They know their body, and their political views, personality, so on and so forth, but according to Tolle, it is not really them. If we are a room, then we have been caring and cognizant about the ceiling, the walls, the floors, and every single thing, except for the space in that room. Similarly, there is an existence within us, even after that personality part of us has been stripped away. This existence is not ephemeral, it is everlasting and is reliable. And - this is a secret - is the same across all sentient beings. We all draw from one source energy.
One of the many beautiful things Tolle said was that our brains to this consciousness is like a radio or a television to the waves: The vibrations bring in the essential information, but the machine interprets it. Us personalities are simply unique manifestations of this collective consciousness. In essence, we are one. Truly knowing this (knowing thyself, not the personality part) is what it means to be awakened. Well, why bother? A few things, but mostly - a detachment, and ultimately, freedom from suffering.
The human civilization has thrived thanks to their use of the mind as a tool. It is a wonderful tool for reason, for science, for technology. But on the flip side, they started manifesting as our masters. The typical modern human being is severely addicted to thinking. And these thinking are not productive thinking - they are addicted to worrying, gossiping, judging, and all these unproductive forms of thought. They believe all the thoughts in their head are true and are theirs, because they need to identify with something - and they identify with their thoughts. And the characteristic of an untrained (or untamed) mind is of separation - it sees itself versus the other. As a result, there is a need to always feel superior, be it by judging other people or by trying to get accomplishments or by playing the victim - and it will never be quite satisfied, happy, or accomplished.
So how do we tap into this inner consciousness? How do we become aware of our own awareness? The answer turns out to be simple. Simply notice the moment after one thought ends, but before another thought arises. There is a gap, there is a stillness, in this alertness state in the now, with fully-focused sensory awareness. Looking at or listening to or smelling something without labeling it. In this moment, there is no past, no future. There is no history, and you don't have the problems with you. Your mind doesn't convert challenges into problems anymore. There simply is.
And it felt truly wonderful to simply be there in the moment. For a moment there was no (insert author's name here), none of his life dramas, none of his worries, sadness, stresses, anxiety about the future. There is only a pleasant feeling of existing right now.
And apparently, if you slowly extend this gap, you'll become familiar with the consciousness within you. And it's there, forever. Unending. This doesn't mean that one should stop thinking altogether - no! Even after familiarizing one's self with this state, one can interact and use the personality identity and with other identities still very effectively. And there you go :) keep on doing what you must, but take time to appreciate the gap, to be present there. Because right now is the only time you'll ever have.
I was browsing through my Instagram, and discovered that a profound spiritual teacher by the name of Eckhart Tolle was planning on speaking in New York City. Eckhart Tolle is well-known for stoicism, and I thought, why not try and heal myself right now? Therefore, I went to the ticketmaster website and paid over two hundred bucks to secure myself a seat to listen him speak.
Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I found myself in a line that stretched round the block of the Beacon Theatre on a 7:30 pm on a Saturday. Nested in between Tolle enthusiasts, I was silently how beautiful the pre-war buildings in this posh area was. I swiftly got through security and prepared myself to take lots of notes - I came armed with a pen and my tiny Optiver notebook, but as Tolle started speaking I gave up any attempt to be subtle about my note-taking.
Yes, it was worth my two hundred bucks. I am just writing down things without referring to the notebook, and these things are definitely what is worth remembering.
Most people don't know who they truly are. They know their past, their history, and their future, their plans and goals. They know their body, and their political views, personality, so on and so forth, but according to Tolle, it is not really them. If we are a room, then we have been caring and cognizant about the ceiling, the walls, the floors, and every single thing, except for the space in that room. Similarly, there is an existence within us, even after that personality part of us has been stripped away. This existence is not ephemeral, it is everlasting and is reliable. And - this is a secret - is the same across all sentient beings. We all draw from one source energy.
One of the many beautiful things Tolle said was that our brains to this consciousness is like a radio or a television to the waves: The vibrations bring in the essential information, but the machine interprets it. Us personalities are simply unique manifestations of this collective consciousness. In essence, we are one. Truly knowing this (knowing thyself, not the personality part) is what it means to be awakened. Well, why bother? A few things, but mostly - a detachment, and ultimately, freedom from suffering.
The human civilization has thrived thanks to their use of the mind as a tool. It is a wonderful tool for reason, for science, for technology. But on the flip side, they started manifesting as our masters. The typical modern human being is severely addicted to thinking. And these thinking are not productive thinking - they are addicted to worrying, gossiping, judging, and all these unproductive forms of thought. They believe all the thoughts in their head are true and are theirs, because they need to identify with something - and they identify with their thoughts. And the characteristic of an untrained (or untamed) mind is of separation - it sees itself versus the other. As a result, there is a need to always feel superior, be it by judging other people or by trying to get accomplishments or by playing the victim - and it will never be quite satisfied, happy, or accomplished.
So how do we tap into this inner consciousness? How do we become aware of our own awareness? The answer turns out to be simple. Simply notice the moment after one thought ends, but before another thought arises. There is a gap, there is a stillness, in this alertness state in the now, with fully-focused sensory awareness. Looking at or listening to or smelling something without labeling it. In this moment, there is no past, no future. There is no history, and you don't have the problems with you. Your mind doesn't convert challenges into problems anymore. There simply is.
And it felt truly wonderful to simply be there in the moment. For a moment there was no (insert author's name here), none of his life dramas, none of his worries, sadness, stresses, anxiety about the future. There is only a pleasant feeling of existing right now.
And apparently, if you slowly extend this gap, you'll become familiar with the consciousness within you. And it's there, forever. Unending. This doesn't mean that one should stop thinking altogether - no! Even after familiarizing one's self with this state, one can interact and use the personality identity and with other identities still very effectively. And there you go :) keep on doing what you must, but take time to appreciate the gap, to be present there. Because right now is the only time you'll ever have.
Luceeee
Hey readers - what's up!
Been a hectic week. hahaha. Which is good, because that meant that I'm super productive. (y)
Anyways, here I am in UES, DavidsTea Shop, calmly sipping a cup of ice cream matcha tea. It's really freaking good. It's so good that I just asked for a refill of hot water from the cute lady assisting me with the tea - and I had an amazing conversation with her too about Overwatch. It's funny, but I'll look into it. She told me she cosplays too. And this is a white girl I'm talking about. hahaha.
How did I end up in this situation? I guess - good karma? Or certain thought vibrations? Not quite sure. But yes, I had an amazing, actually, a perfect, weekend. And I am very grateful for it.
Sometime during the week a thought, or two, or three bubbled into the surface of my mind. A thought that was charged by such negative emotions, a thought that I immediately believed in and associated with. This was along the lines of: "I am feeling very lonely, I need company. I'm tired of going home to an empty home, to have nobody to spend time with during the weekends, to have nobody to share my life with. If this trend continues, then this weekend I will simply be alone and lonely."
Notice how it's just a thought. :) but at that moment, I let myself into its grips. I let it run the show, I let it define me as a problem that needed solution. But fortunately, I am a bit well-trained (and moreso after attending the Eckhart Tolle at the beautiful Beacon Theatre talk last night!) and immediately realized that I need to dissociate from such a thought and choose better-feeling thoughts whenever they are available for me! Because such a feeling is indicative on whatever is coming to my life, and even if it wasn't the case why would one actively seek to feel terrible if, through willpower and intent, one can feel astonishingly better?
I'm not exactly sure if I was able to willfully choose a better-feeling thought or if I simply surrendered and killed the thought because a better-feeling one wasn't available, but the few days moved on and I started feeling better. I was working hard during the weekdays, and surrendered to the fact that I'll probably spend my weekend alone, and I was fine and ready and prepared for it. I'm pretty awesome, anyways, so what's not to love about spending time with myself? Hehehe.
Come Friday afternoon (somehow that day I didn't decide to lock my phone inside my drawer), I received a text from Lucy, a wonderful friend from Amherst, letting me know that she's going on an impromptu trip to New York and asking me if I could host her over the weekend. Lucy is such a sweetheart and such a delight to be around with, so obviously it's a yes for me. We had multiple quality conversations, toured the streets and riversides of New York, awesome meals and ice cream and boba, and watched the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and tidbits of Alan Watt's talks together.
I am truly grateful for Lucy, as she's special in a lot of ways. I first met her when Audrey invited her over to our lunch at Oriental Flavors, and we instantly connected. Lucy is really beautiful, charming, and kind. She always tries to engage with you, and gives her best in everything. She's fun-loving yet prudent, and is truly truly thoughtful (she actually got me a pack of matcha green tea which tastes amazing and wrote me a thank-you note for hosting me! I've hosted a bunch of friends but she's the first to show this kind of appreciation!) She's truly fun to tease and make fun of, and most importantly, she is not judgmental and not demanding. I am grateful for her company this weekend, and I definitely would love more of her company in the future. Hehehe.
Anyways, I ramble. What brought me to this wonderful tea shop in this charming neighbourhood? Yes, Lucy. She left behind her glasses in my apartment, and therefore I took it to Rachael, who lives around here, and who is going back to Amherst as well. I am chuffed to bits as I got to see and say hi to Rachael for a bit too, before exploring the area and savoring such a wonderful cup of tea. As a bonus, a really charming couple was sitting in my view, and they were having such a great time talking, caressing, and making out. I am really happy for them, and I am grateful for this good omen! I am grateful for all the romances I get to witness and experience! Ahem.
I hope your weekend is amazing too :)
Been a hectic week. hahaha. Which is good, because that meant that I'm super productive. (y)
Anyways, here I am in UES, DavidsTea Shop, calmly sipping a cup of ice cream matcha tea. It's really freaking good. It's so good that I just asked for a refill of hot water from the cute lady assisting me with the tea - and I had an amazing conversation with her too about Overwatch. It's funny, but I'll look into it. She told me she cosplays too. And this is a white girl I'm talking about. hahaha.
How did I end up in this situation? I guess - good karma? Or certain thought vibrations? Not quite sure. But yes, I had an amazing, actually, a perfect, weekend. And I am very grateful for it.
Sometime during the week a thought, or two, or three bubbled into the surface of my mind. A thought that was charged by such negative emotions, a thought that I immediately believed in and associated with. This was along the lines of: "I am feeling very lonely, I need company. I'm tired of going home to an empty home, to have nobody to spend time with during the weekends, to have nobody to share my life with. If this trend continues, then this weekend I will simply be alone and lonely."
Notice how it's just a thought. :) but at that moment, I let myself into its grips. I let it run the show, I let it define me as a problem that needed solution. But fortunately, I am a bit well-trained (and moreso after attending the Eckhart Tolle at the beautiful Beacon Theatre talk last night!) and immediately realized that I need to dissociate from such a thought and choose better-feeling thoughts whenever they are available for me! Because such a feeling is indicative on whatever is coming to my life, and even if it wasn't the case why would one actively seek to feel terrible if, through willpower and intent, one can feel astonishingly better?
I'm not exactly sure if I was able to willfully choose a better-feeling thought or if I simply surrendered and killed the thought because a better-feeling one wasn't available, but the few days moved on and I started feeling better. I was working hard during the weekdays, and surrendered to the fact that I'll probably spend my weekend alone, and I was fine and ready and prepared for it. I'm pretty awesome, anyways, so what's not to love about spending time with myself? Hehehe.
Come Friday afternoon (somehow that day I didn't decide to lock my phone inside my drawer), I received a text from Lucy, a wonderful friend from Amherst, letting me know that she's going on an impromptu trip to New York and asking me if I could host her over the weekend. Lucy is such a sweetheart and such a delight to be around with, so obviously it's a yes for me. We had multiple quality conversations, toured the streets and riversides of New York, awesome meals and ice cream and boba, and watched the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and tidbits of Alan Watt's talks together.
I am truly grateful for Lucy, as she's special in a lot of ways. I first met her when Audrey invited her over to our lunch at Oriental Flavors, and we instantly connected. Lucy is really beautiful, charming, and kind. She always tries to engage with you, and gives her best in everything. She's fun-loving yet prudent, and is truly truly thoughtful (she actually got me a pack of matcha green tea which tastes amazing and wrote me a thank-you note for hosting me! I've hosted a bunch of friends but she's the first to show this kind of appreciation!) She's truly fun to tease and make fun of, and most importantly, she is not judgmental and not demanding. I am grateful for her company this weekend, and I definitely would love more of her company in the future. Hehehe.
Anyways, I ramble. What brought me to this wonderful tea shop in this charming neighbourhood? Yes, Lucy. She left behind her glasses in my apartment, and therefore I took it to Rachael, who lives around here, and who is going back to Amherst as well. I am chuffed to bits as I got to see and say hi to Rachael for a bit too, before exploring the area and savoring such a wonderful cup of tea. As a bonus, a really charming couple was sitting in my view, and they were having such a great time talking, caressing, and making out. I am really happy for them, and I am grateful for this good omen! I am grateful for all the romances I get to witness and experience! Ahem.
I hope your weekend is amazing too :)
Sunday, 25 March 2018
Senpai
Today I went to Shanghai Asian Manor to eat some xialongbao with a friend for lunch.
The thing is, it wasn't just a friend, and it wasn't just a lunch.
It was a goodbye lunch with my very special friend, mentor, and senpai, Mirina. Mirina senpai is quitting her job in New York and flying back to Japan, where she will be starting her job and fulfilling her dream of working for an education company.
Mirina is special in so many ways - but primarily because she's probably my "oldest" friend in New York City. Not because she's actually old age-wise (I think she is sort of? lol), but because she's the only person right now who I could think of who was there for me in Manhattan the summer of my Junior year, when I was interning in Atalaya, when I was new to the city, lonely, and overworked. She took me to a bunch of restaurants and bars, and always was an amazing company. And most importantly, she continued being a great friend and senpai ever since I moved to the city last July. I still credit her for finding my favorite pasta place in the city. (the Supper! I'm so excited to take the next lucky girl to this place for some meat pasta, red wine, and quality time!)
But anyways, what I really appreciate about Mirina is how unapologetically frank and open she is about everything, and nothing is ever taboo as a conversation topic between the two of us. She has always been open about numerous extremely personal things, including family affairs, trysts, and sexuality. Speaking to her has always been refreshing, she's always on to something interesting, and I always learn of good food or desserts after hanging out with her. Heck, she's the first woman I've ever shared about the Taoist method on male ejaculation (Google it if you must, not terribly safe for work). This attests to how open and comfortable we are with each other.
And yet, our paths must diverge, at least for now.. Thank you for everything, Mirina senpai. I'll miss those days we share exploring restaurants together, from taking the Ikea ferry to go to the Brooklyn Crab to going to this janky hole-in-the-wall place in Chinatown to grab some tasty hand pulled noodles and to buying chestnut pasta in Eataly. I am truly grateful to have met you and known you and to have had a lot of fun together with you. I wish you all the success and love and happiness in Tokyo, and I look forward to continuing our epic culinary adventures and wonderfully inappropriate conversations sometime soon. And I'll miss you.
Ja, mata ato de, senpai. Arigatou..
R
The thing is, it wasn't just a friend, and it wasn't just a lunch.
It was a goodbye lunch with my very special friend, mentor, and senpai, Mirina. Mirina senpai is quitting her job in New York and flying back to Japan, where she will be starting her job and fulfilling her dream of working for an education company.
Mirina is special in so many ways - but primarily because she's probably my "oldest" friend in New York City. Not because she's actually old age-wise (I think she is sort of? lol), but because she's the only person right now who I could think of who was there for me in Manhattan the summer of my Junior year, when I was interning in Atalaya, when I was new to the city, lonely, and overworked. She took me to a bunch of restaurants and bars, and always was an amazing company. And most importantly, she continued being a great friend and senpai ever since I moved to the city last July. I still credit her for finding my favorite pasta place in the city. (the Supper! I'm so excited to take the next lucky girl to this place for some meat pasta, red wine, and quality time!)
But anyways, what I really appreciate about Mirina is how unapologetically frank and open she is about everything, and nothing is ever taboo as a conversation topic between the two of us. She has always been open about numerous extremely personal things, including family affairs, trysts, and sexuality. Speaking to her has always been refreshing, she's always on to something interesting, and I always learn of good food or desserts after hanging out with her. Heck, she's the first woman I've ever shared about the Taoist method on male ejaculation (Google it if you must, not terribly safe for work). This attests to how open and comfortable we are with each other.
And yet, our paths must diverge, at least for now.. Thank you for everything, Mirina senpai. I'll miss those days we share exploring restaurants together, from taking the Ikea ferry to go to the Brooklyn Crab to going to this janky hole-in-the-wall place in Chinatown to grab some tasty hand pulled noodles and to buying chestnut pasta in Eataly. I am truly grateful to have met you and known you and to have had a lot of fun together with you. I wish you all the success and love and happiness in Tokyo, and I look forward to continuing our epic culinary adventures and wonderfully inappropriate conversations sometime soon. And I'll miss you.
Ja, mata ato de, senpai. Arigatou..
R
Sunday, 18 March 2018
Life Cont'd
Hi readers,
Just figured that you might want me to continue on what I wrote yesterday. Hehehe.
Today was an amazing, in many ways, perfect Sunday for me as well! I got up around 9:30 am and lazed around in my bed, before transferring some Zeny to my younger brother who just started playing Ragnarok Online again. RO is a throwback to us growing up, we spent many hours of our early teenage years glued to the computer screen playing this MMORPG. I went on to meditate for half an hour or so, and then steeled myself for a run.
Despite telling the said lady yesterday that I was planning to run in Central Park, I changed my mind and gave the East River a shot. Honestly, it was a tad chillier than I anticipated, but the run was nothing short of gorgeous. The promenades were such a treat, plus I ran far down enough to see the piers and the tourists and a bunch of green-clad musicians playing St. Patrick's songs. I also bumped into Liora (a coworker) on my way up! All-in-all, I ran a total of ten miles, and I can say confidently that I am ready for a half marathon. Thank goodness.
I wisely brought my credit card with me while I was running - I was super hungry by the end of it and decided to treat myself to my favorite buffet restaurant in the city: Darbar Grill. I was this random Asian kid with a grey long sleeve, damp shorts from running, and a frazzled hair, but I mustered all my confidence and piled heaps and heaps of the delicious and creamy Goa fish curry and the spicy goat curry onto my plate. And boy did I gorge it down - pretty certain that if all customers ate like me they'd go bankrupt in less than a week!
So when I got back, I was delighted to learn that Jihong agreed on having dinner with me. I gave my daily thanks and got ready for my CMB coffee. Yushu is pretty chill, I had a great conversation with her, learned a lot about her love for travel and stocks. After talking to her, I am definitely going to look into investing in JD, a Chinese e-commerce company that she says hasn't been recognized by the American public yet. T'was nice meeting ya, Yushu!
I stepped to the office really briefly, bumped into (and had a lengthy conversation with) Francesco, the really funny Italian Associate in my office. Went to the 41st floor and bumped into Catherine, and gave her a hug (she's so sweet), and then watched a bit of Alan Watts before readying myself and heading out to meet Jihong for dinner. I was so lucky too - the 6 train wasn't running from the station near my office, but I was able to alternatively take a bus that got me there only a few minutes late ;)
Earlier in the day, she told me that she wanted sushi, and all the options I could thought of weren't ideal as they'd typically make us wait, especially at a 7pm on a Sunday. Fortuitously, one of her friend recommended a place called Ise, which was very convenient for both of us, and also had a rezzy spot available. Grand. Anyways, I stepped into the restaurant and saw her sitting in a quite, private room-like booth that sat four but was given to us anyways. She dressed stunningly, looked truly attractive, and smelled like heaven. I forgot how beautiful and attractive Jihong is.
Ahem. Anyways, I gave her a hug and had the most amazing conversation and dinner in a while. She told me that she got an internship with the Cravath or Wachtell equivalent law firm in Korea, and I was so happy for her! We caught up on life, our workout regimen, and our friendships and relationships. I was so glad to share food with her too! I was planning only to eat some salad (given the Darbar above), but we ended up sharing a magnificent sushi/sashimi combo, a delicious bowl of seaweed salad, and a delightful charred salmon head. Tasty!
We decided to go get some drinks afterwards, and she suggested to go to Bookmarks, a bar that I mentioned to her a long time ago. Before we get there, I just wanna talk about the Universe being playful today. When we were at Trader Joe's, I was asking the cashier if TJs sells flowers, and the cashier said yes. I thanked him and then told him that I'd buy it next time. The cashier then looked at Jihong who was standing right next to me and told me: "you should buy her the flowers now." And I looked at Jihong and asked her: "Do you want flowers or alcohol from next door?" And the cashier guy yammered: "You don't ask her, just buy it for her!" Hahahaha. When we were on our train up to Bookmarks, Jihong for some reason wasn't holding onto the poles in the subway properly, and she almost fell over when the train abruptly stopped. Fortunately, I caught her in time and guided her hand to the pole. The woman sitting behind her immediately said: "Lady, you should've grabbed the pole, not your man." Hahahahha. The Universe truly loves to tease us.
Anyways, we arrived at Bookmarks, it is in the 14th floor of a hotel somewhere near Grand Central ;) It was such a beautiful and cozy setting (although drinks were less tasty) and we eased ourselves up and talked and shared for hours and hours. It's funny that I was able to learn a lot more about her and the way she thinks, and I think I was able to cheer her up a bit too. I am also really grateful because today she was so at ease, she was in no rush to be anywhere, and it was really nice being around her. Doesn't hurt that she was a bit touchier than the usual ;) hehehe. We ultimately moved to a pair of sofas near the fireplace, and we were reminiscing about how the place reminded us of the Lord Jeff's Inn, which we visited when we had our restaurant week date in Amherst.
Ultimately, I walked her back to Grand Central, which was adorned with colors and lights so beautifully. I gave her another hug, and asked her to text me when she got back to her dorm safely.
Thank you so much for today, Jihong :) I am so happy that I got to spend time with you, it was so warm and so nice to be around you. Hehehe. It's funny that you told me that you don't believe that a guy and a girl can never be truly just friends. Hehehe. I guess we'll see about that, for now let me say that I am grateful to have you in New York, and I would love to see more of the face of yours. Til' next time :)
Thank you, Universe, for such an amazing and perfect weekend :)
R
Just figured that you might want me to continue on what I wrote yesterday. Hehehe.
Today was an amazing, in many ways, perfect Sunday for me as well! I got up around 9:30 am and lazed around in my bed, before transferring some Zeny to my younger brother who just started playing Ragnarok Online again. RO is a throwback to us growing up, we spent many hours of our early teenage years glued to the computer screen playing this MMORPG. I went on to meditate for half an hour or so, and then steeled myself for a run.
Despite telling the said lady yesterday that I was planning to run in Central Park, I changed my mind and gave the East River a shot. Honestly, it was a tad chillier than I anticipated, but the run was nothing short of gorgeous. The promenades were such a treat, plus I ran far down enough to see the piers and the tourists and a bunch of green-clad musicians playing St. Patrick's songs. I also bumped into Liora (a coworker) on my way up! All-in-all, I ran a total of ten miles, and I can say confidently that I am ready for a half marathon. Thank goodness.
I wisely brought my credit card with me while I was running - I was super hungry by the end of it and decided to treat myself to my favorite buffet restaurant in the city: Darbar Grill. I was this random Asian kid with a grey long sleeve, damp shorts from running, and a frazzled hair, but I mustered all my confidence and piled heaps and heaps of the delicious and creamy Goa fish curry and the spicy goat curry onto my plate. And boy did I gorge it down - pretty certain that if all customers ate like me they'd go bankrupt in less than a week!
So when I got back, I was delighted to learn that Jihong agreed on having dinner with me. I gave my daily thanks and got ready for my CMB coffee. Yushu is pretty chill, I had a great conversation with her, learned a lot about her love for travel and stocks. After talking to her, I am definitely going to look into investing in JD, a Chinese e-commerce company that she says hasn't been recognized by the American public yet. T'was nice meeting ya, Yushu!
I stepped to the office really briefly, bumped into (and had a lengthy conversation with) Francesco, the really funny Italian Associate in my office. Went to the 41st floor and bumped into Catherine, and gave her a hug (she's so sweet), and then watched a bit of Alan Watts before readying myself and heading out to meet Jihong for dinner. I was so lucky too - the 6 train wasn't running from the station near my office, but I was able to alternatively take a bus that got me there only a few minutes late ;)
Earlier in the day, she told me that she wanted sushi, and all the options I could thought of weren't ideal as they'd typically make us wait, especially at a 7pm on a Sunday. Fortuitously, one of her friend recommended a place called Ise, which was very convenient for both of us, and also had a rezzy spot available. Grand. Anyways, I stepped into the restaurant and saw her sitting in a quite, private room-like booth that sat four but was given to us anyways. She dressed stunningly, looked truly attractive, and smelled like heaven. I forgot how beautiful and attractive Jihong is.
Ahem. Anyways, I gave her a hug and had the most amazing conversation and dinner in a while. She told me that she got an internship with the Cravath or Wachtell equivalent law firm in Korea, and I was so happy for her! We caught up on life, our workout regimen, and our friendships and relationships. I was so glad to share food with her too! I was planning only to eat some salad (given the Darbar above), but we ended up sharing a magnificent sushi/sashimi combo, a delicious bowl of seaweed salad, and a delightful charred salmon head. Tasty!
We decided to go get some drinks afterwards, and she suggested to go to Bookmarks, a bar that I mentioned to her a long time ago. Before we get there, I just wanna talk about the Universe being playful today. When we were at Trader Joe's, I was asking the cashier if TJs sells flowers, and the cashier said yes. I thanked him and then told him that I'd buy it next time. The cashier then looked at Jihong who was standing right next to me and told me: "you should buy her the flowers now." And I looked at Jihong and asked her: "Do you want flowers or alcohol from next door?" And the cashier guy yammered: "You don't ask her, just buy it for her!" Hahahaha. When we were on our train up to Bookmarks, Jihong for some reason wasn't holding onto the poles in the subway properly, and she almost fell over when the train abruptly stopped. Fortunately, I caught her in time and guided her hand to the pole. The woman sitting behind her immediately said: "Lady, you should've grabbed the pole, not your man." Hahahahha. The Universe truly loves to tease us.
Anyways, we arrived at Bookmarks, it is in the 14th floor of a hotel somewhere near Grand Central ;) It was such a beautiful and cozy setting (although drinks were less tasty) and we eased ourselves up and talked and shared for hours and hours. It's funny that I was able to learn a lot more about her and the way she thinks, and I think I was able to cheer her up a bit too. I am also really grateful because today she was so at ease, she was in no rush to be anywhere, and it was really nice being around her. Doesn't hurt that she was a bit touchier than the usual ;) hehehe. We ultimately moved to a pair of sofas near the fireplace, and we were reminiscing about how the place reminded us of the Lord Jeff's Inn, which we visited when we had our restaurant week date in Amherst.
Ultimately, I walked her back to Grand Central, which was adorned with colors and lights so beautifully. I gave her another hug, and asked her to text me when she got back to her dorm safely.
Thank you so much for today, Jihong :) I am so happy that I got to spend time with you, it was so warm and so nice to be around you. Hehehe. It's funny that you told me that you don't believe that a guy and a girl can never be truly just friends. Hehehe. I guess we'll see about that, for now let me say that I am grateful to have you in New York, and I would love to see more of the face of yours. Til' next time :)
Thank you, Universe, for such an amazing and perfect weekend :)
R
Saturday, 17 March 2018
Doing Life Right
Today started with Rhonda Byrne's book - The Power. It said that however the state of any aspect of your life is the reflection of how much good feeling or love that you have put into that particular aspect. For example, if you are enjoying a good relationship with another person, that means that you have put in plenty of good feeling into the said relationship. Conversely, focusing and channeling good feelings and love to something will guarantee an improved outcome to it! It is that simple.
Therefore, with that mindset, I gave thanks for a wonderful outcome to the lunch with Audrey, and sure enough, I had an amazing dim sum with her! (Oh well, I had a haircut first, to be fair.) It was such a pleasure seeing her again.
I first met Audrey at the second semester of my senior year, as I was tutoring for Microeconomics. Audrey is a gorgeous, tall Asian girl with puffy cheeks, long hair, an enormous ambition, and an outstanding talent for music. While I was her tutor, I was also in charge of 30+ or so students, and therefore I have never had the chance to get to know her personally -- until a few weeks ago, when she reached out telling me that she was visiting New York City and asking me if I could grab a meal with her. I said yes, because nobody says no to a getting a meal with such an attractive and gorgeous lady, but more importantly because I've told her not to talk to me (with jocose, clearly) unless it's about visiting me in New York.
Audrey - probably because of my age difference with her - also has a predisposition of asking me for advice. I think it is instinctual in people to enjoy being asked for advice, and therefore I happily obliged. We chatted about a range of topics: taking Art History classes, relationship and personal character issues, to studying abroad and learning about different cultures. I really enjoy her breadth of intellectual curiosity, her fresh ideas about the book industry, and most importantly, for being really chill when I showed up late (oops).
Today was a surprisingly productive (and ideal!) day in so many other aspects too. After my lunch with Audrey, a woman I deeply adore gave me a call. I ended up running in Central Park with her, having a wonderful conversation as we watched the St. Patrick's parade, and buying her a cup of hot chocolate as I walked her home. I truly love and admire the free, fun-loving, and adventurous part of her. She's truly kind and mostly positive - forgives people easily, only remembers the good times. She's also really easy to talk to, never afraid to try new things, and has a great sense of humor/is really fun to tease or poke fun at. I am truly grateful that she is in my life, that I got to spend time interacting closely with her, despite it being short. Thinking about her gives me a nice, warm feeling in my chest, a sort of detached gratefulness.
Blessed with some free time in the evening, I made some headway into philosophical/spiritual/self-improvement readings that I enjoy and that I have been meaning to delve deeper into. I tucked myself in the usual space in my office, and watched Vishen Lakhiani speak, read more about Burt Goldman, developed my options tracker, and obviously, writing this blog post.
Let me leave you with two things that I picked up from Alan Watts: Firstly, life is more like music than a journey, the point of life is not at the end destination but rather to play it well. Secondly, enjoying life requires skill - without practicing the savoring of life, it cannot be enjoyed.
As such, I am happy to say that today, I did life right. There was an amazing balance between beautiful human interactions and romance and solitude. Between physical activity and mental exercise. Between rest and productivity. Between indulgence and spirituality. I think I danced well today, and it feels very, very good. Thank you.
Therefore, with that mindset, I gave thanks for a wonderful outcome to the lunch with Audrey, and sure enough, I had an amazing dim sum with her! (Oh well, I had a haircut first, to be fair.) It was such a pleasure seeing her again.
I first met Audrey at the second semester of my senior year, as I was tutoring for Microeconomics. Audrey is a gorgeous, tall Asian girl with puffy cheeks, long hair, an enormous ambition, and an outstanding talent for music. While I was her tutor, I was also in charge of 30+ or so students, and therefore I have never had the chance to get to know her personally -- until a few weeks ago, when she reached out telling me that she was visiting New York City and asking me if I could grab a meal with her. I said yes, because nobody says no to a getting a meal with such an attractive and gorgeous lady, but more importantly because I've told her not to talk to me (with jocose, clearly) unless it's about visiting me in New York.
Audrey - probably because of my age difference with her - also has a predisposition of asking me for advice. I think it is instinctual in people to enjoy being asked for advice, and therefore I happily obliged. We chatted about a range of topics: taking Art History classes, relationship and personal character issues, to studying abroad and learning about different cultures. I really enjoy her breadth of intellectual curiosity, her fresh ideas about the book industry, and most importantly, for being really chill when I showed up late (oops).
Today was a surprisingly productive (and ideal!) day in so many other aspects too. After my lunch with Audrey, a woman I deeply adore gave me a call. I ended up running in Central Park with her, having a wonderful conversation as we watched the St. Patrick's parade, and buying her a cup of hot chocolate as I walked her home. I truly love and admire the free, fun-loving, and adventurous part of her. She's truly kind and mostly positive - forgives people easily, only remembers the good times. She's also really easy to talk to, never afraid to try new things, and has a great sense of humor/is really fun to tease or poke fun at. I am truly grateful that she is in my life, that I got to spend time interacting closely with her, despite it being short. Thinking about her gives me a nice, warm feeling in my chest, a sort of detached gratefulness.
Blessed with some free time in the evening, I made some headway into philosophical/spiritual/self-improvement readings that I enjoy and that I have been meaning to delve deeper into. I tucked myself in the usual space in my office, and watched Vishen Lakhiani speak, read more about Burt Goldman, developed my options tracker, and obviously, writing this blog post.
Let me leave you with two things that I picked up from Alan Watts: Firstly, life is more like music than a journey, the point of life is not at the end destination but rather to play it well. Secondly, enjoying life requires skill - without practicing the savoring of life, it cannot be enjoyed.
As such, I am happy to say that today, I did life right. There was an amazing balance between beautiful human interactions and romance and solitude. Between physical activity and mental exercise. Between rest and productivity. Between indulgence and spirituality. I think I danced well today, and it feels very, very good. Thank you.
Thursday, 15 March 2018
Experiment
This is a continuation of the post titled "A Generator".
Dear readers, how are you? It is 9:44pm Eastern Time, and I am blogging this from my office. Nah, don't worry, I'm not working late. Rather, I am taking advantage of this wonderful, cozy office space to watch Vishen Lakhiani's webinar! I discovered, to my delight, that he is going to speak in at 10 pm today, and this is indeed the perfect end to a day/something really awesome to look forward to!
Anyway, I digress. I am writing (at least in the process of) to examine the results of my "Generator" experiment. To be more specific, getting through a month or so challenge to respond, instead of initiating. There were tough moments to be really fair, but there were also beautiful moments that happened spontaneously, without the need for me to initiate anything whatsoever. Giving you short of a laundry list: A Coffee Meets Bagel date (this Sunday! Will probably tell you how it goes), being invited to make dumplings and having a lot of fun, playing bridge with a bunch of old friends, lunch with couple different friends, a few hangout sessions with a particular extremely attractive lady that I love, and so on and so forth.
However, I also found that experiences that I initiated could be successful and extremely fun as well, such as the kbbq I had with Grace :) (she's so sweet btw, I'm so grateful to know her). I think what made all the difference is the mindset I have when I enter these events, and being grateful for the positive outcomes. The first few weeks of this experiment I was focusing on the crippling fear of being left alone and having nothing to do and no company, and as such my weekends were actually not the greatest. Funnily, as I started being grateful for amazing dates and wonderful weekend plans, they all started popping up and happening to me, without me even planning anything. For example, out of the blue, Audrey just asked me to get lunch on Saturday! Excited to enjoy dimsum with her!
So is the experiment a success? A failure?
I think I wouldn't hesitate to initiate if need be, in the future, definitely. More importantly, however, whatever activities I initiate or I choose to be part of, I shall remember to enter it with a great mindset, and being grateful for the most magnificent outcome, but at the same time being detached to any particular outcomes and having nothing to lose! Complicated? You bet. But the miraculous outcomes so far has been reached by applying this formula. hehehe. Hey, I guess I love my life. It's pretty darn amazing. :)
R
Dear readers, how are you? It is 9:44pm Eastern Time, and I am blogging this from my office. Nah, don't worry, I'm not working late. Rather, I am taking advantage of this wonderful, cozy office space to watch Vishen Lakhiani's webinar! I discovered, to my delight, that he is going to speak in at 10 pm today, and this is indeed the perfect end to a day/something really awesome to look forward to!
Anyway, I digress. I am writing (at least in the process of) to examine the results of my "Generator" experiment. To be more specific, getting through a month or so challenge to respond, instead of initiating. There were tough moments to be really fair, but there were also beautiful moments that happened spontaneously, without the need for me to initiate anything whatsoever. Giving you short of a laundry list: A Coffee Meets Bagel date (this Sunday! Will probably tell you how it goes), being invited to make dumplings and having a lot of fun, playing bridge with a bunch of old friends, lunch with couple different friends, a few hangout sessions with a particular extremely attractive lady that I love, and so on and so forth.
However, I also found that experiences that I initiated could be successful and extremely fun as well, such as the kbbq I had with Grace :) (she's so sweet btw, I'm so grateful to know her). I think what made all the difference is the mindset I have when I enter these events, and being grateful for the positive outcomes. The first few weeks of this experiment I was focusing on the crippling fear of being left alone and having nothing to do and no company, and as such my weekends were actually not the greatest. Funnily, as I started being grateful for amazing dates and wonderful weekend plans, they all started popping up and happening to me, without me even planning anything. For example, out of the blue, Audrey just asked me to get lunch on Saturday! Excited to enjoy dimsum with her!
So is the experiment a success? A failure?
I think I wouldn't hesitate to initiate if need be, in the future, definitely. More importantly, however, whatever activities I initiate or I choose to be part of, I shall remember to enter it with a great mindset, and being grateful for the most magnificent outcome, but at the same time being detached to any particular outcomes and having nothing to lose! Complicated? You bet. But the miraculous outcomes so far has been reached by applying this formula. hehehe. Hey, I guess I love my life. It's pretty darn amazing. :)
R
Tuesday, 13 March 2018
Detachment - Nothing to Lose!
Hahaha
The universe somehow knows what I need the most, at any given moment.
And if I surrender myself to it, I shall get it, whatever I needed the most, at any given moment.
I am in good hands.
---
I think life is all about feeling good about yourself. Genuinely feeling good. A singular devotion to genuinely feeling good.
A range of things can lead to you feeling good. Be it a thought, a word, an action, to building your own empire. A simple, single thought, obtained (or thought) in the right moment, can make all the drastic difference.
I was grappling with a not-so-good feeling the whole day because I was too attached, and basically my dad was spot on. He told me that I need to have a "nothing to lose" attitude. If you get what you desired, dope! If not, then that's cool, try again next time. I'm enough, I am worthy, and therefore I know that I will succeed, sooner, or later. :) Let it be known that I trust myself. My late mentor also once said: "Kalau kamu tulus, you have nothing to lose". It was a quirky, punny pun, but living it is never as easy as nodding to it and saying it. I don't know if it's easy for me to be "tulus" (Indonesian for being sincere), but I know for sure that I can be in a state where I have nothing to lose. I think it is easier that way.
Cheers,
The universe somehow knows what I need the most, at any given moment.
And if I surrender myself to it, I shall get it, whatever I needed the most, at any given moment.
I am in good hands.
---
I think life is all about feeling good about yourself. Genuinely feeling good. A singular devotion to genuinely feeling good.
A range of things can lead to you feeling good. Be it a thought, a word, an action, to building your own empire. A simple, single thought, obtained (or thought) in the right moment, can make all the drastic difference.
I was grappling with a not-so-good feeling the whole day because I was too attached, and basically my dad was spot on. He told me that I need to have a "nothing to lose" attitude. If you get what you desired, dope! If not, then that's cool, try again next time. I'm enough, I am worthy, and therefore I know that I will succeed, sooner, or later. :) Let it be known that I trust myself. My late mentor also once said: "Kalau kamu tulus, you have nothing to lose". It was a quirky, punny pun, but living it is never as easy as nodding to it and saying it. I don't know if it's easy for me to be "tulus" (Indonesian for being sincere), but I know for sure that I can be in a state where I have nothing to lose. I think it is easier that way.
Cheers,
Saturday, 10 March 2018
Know Thyself. Trust Thyself. Love Thyself.
"You have been grateful for your family and friends, for your work, money, health, and your dreams, and even for people you come across each day. But the person who deserves your gratitude more than anyone else is you."
hehehe I am grateful for myself. I'm in love with the man in the mirror!
hehehe I am grateful for myself. I'm in love with the man in the mirror!
Tuesday, 27 February 2018
Brules
Readers,
Guess what is the most severe, problematic, contagious, and deadly disease that infects humanity.
Nope, you're wrong.
It's called the I'm-not-enough disease. It's when you feel inadequate, you feel that you are not enough, and therefore you do things and behave in certain ways to satisfy all the "shoulds". You hope that by doing that you feel adequate, you feel enough. But nope - after reaching that certain goal, after complying to certain standards, after following certain conventions, you still feel that you're not enough. In fact, it's like yanking the movie rolls to change a movie's outcome - all physical actions taken in the world will never make you feel enough.
The proposed solution is, therefore, to scribble a lot of "I AM ENOUGH"s. Keep on reminding and affirming yourself that you are enough.
As I was reading and reflecting on this, though, I discover that as a sufferer of the I'm-not-enough disease, I can turn this affliction into a powerful decision-making tool. When faced with a situation where a decision needs to be made, I can simply ask myself: "What would I do if I am enough? What would I do if I have nothing to prove?" I shall experiment with this, but my hunch is that this eliminates a lot of fears. When you think, and you realize, that you are actually enough, that you've actually nothing to prove, it frees you from the fear that you have to make certain decisions or act in certain ways. And then you can be free to choose whatever maximizes your happiness! Even if you chose the difficult choices - you can be certain that it was your own agency that landed to that choice, not some bullshit rule (brule) of you not being enough.
So, what would I do if I am enough? What would I do if I have nothing to prove?
You're welcome,
Guess what is the most severe, problematic, contagious, and deadly disease that infects humanity.
Nope, you're wrong.
It's called the I'm-not-enough disease. It's when you feel inadequate, you feel that you are not enough, and therefore you do things and behave in certain ways to satisfy all the "shoulds". You hope that by doing that you feel adequate, you feel enough. But nope - after reaching that certain goal, after complying to certain standards, after following certain conventions, you still feel that you're not enough. In fact, it's like yanking the movie rolls to change a movie's outcome - all physical actions taken in the world will never make you feel enough.
The proposed solution is, therefore, to scribble a lot of "I AM ENOUGH"s. Keep on reminding and affirming yourself that you are enough.
As I was reading and reflecting on this, though, I discover that as a sufferer of the I'm-not-enough disease, I can turn this affliction into a powerful decision-making tool. When faced with a situation where a decision needs to be made, I can simply ask myself: "What would I do if I am enough? What would I do if I have nothing to prove?" I shall experiment with this, but my hunch is that this eliminates a lot of fears. When you think, and you realize, that you are actually enough, that you've actually nothing to prove, it frees you from the fear that you have to make certain decisions or act in certain ways. And then you can be free to choose whatever maximizes your happiness! Even if you chose the difficult choices - you can be certain that it was your own agency that landed to that choice, not some bullshit rule (brule) of you not being enough.
So, what would I do if I am enough? What would I do if I have nothing to prove?
You're welcome,
Monday, 26 February 2018
MA 3HY 865
Today I clicked the 'cancel registration' button in the MassRMV website.
It's finally over - my beautiful black Honda Civic was totaled a few weeks ago, and Geico had paid out the market value "worth" of her.
Her name was Anastasia - named after the very first girl I was head over heels for. Your firsts are always special. They set the standards and expectations for the seconds, thirds, and so on so forth. And there's this hard-to-grasp quality, magic, that will always be there, unforgettable. Mind you, it's not like I've never ridden or driven other cars before her. And although I will opt out of owning a car in the near future, she won't be my last car ever. Not by a far stretch.
And yet, I already know that it won't be the same.
I first got her in the summer before junior year in college, and I have been longing for a car for the longest time in the world. I still remember vividly my first ever trek to a car dealership (it was a Volkswagen dealer), the sickeningly sweet mixture of intimidation and persuasion of the car salesman, and the sigh of relief as I walked away from that deal. After what felt like hundreds of phone calls, millions of Google search, and numerous drives to a plethora of car dealers miles away from Amherst, I decided on a black Honda Civic.
I chose the SE version, which stood for "Special Edition", because guess what, your firsts are special. ;)
We've been together in numerous drives ever since. On one day I would drive her just to move between dorms, and on another she would ride me on a trek to DC. Various people have been on her passenger seats, she's seen many of the dates that I drove. She's driven me on my happiest, proudest moments, but also on my darkest. She's hid my tears while I drove to Wong's Garden as I sought to escape my stress, and she's comforted me as I drove back from New York toward Amherst in the nightfall. She has truly made my last two years of Amherst wonderful. And oh, the multiple drives to Quabbin Reservoir? Williams to take a certain someone? Connecticut to be parked at Chou's place?
Thank you, and goodbye, Anastasia. I am truly grateful for the amazing two years with you. And while I know, in the future, that I shall drive a more expensive, fancier, and perhaps more beautiful car, you'll always occupy that first-ever spot in the corner of my heart.
Hope you end up in the car heaven.. Farewell.
It's finally over - my beautiful black Honda Civic was totaled a few weeks ago, and Geico had paid out the market value "worth" of her.
Her name was Anastasia - named after the very first girl I was head over heels for. Your firsts are always special. They set the standards and expectations for the seconds, thirds, and so on so forth. And there's this hard-to-grasp quality, magic, that will always be there, unforgettable. Mind you, it's not like I've never ridden or driven other cars before her. And although I will opt out of owning a car in the near future, she won't be my last car ever. Not by a far stretch.
And yet, I already know that it won't be the same.
I first got her in the summer before junior year in college, and I have been longing for a car for the longest time in the world. I still remember vividly my first ever trek to a car dealership (it was a Volkswagen dealer), the sickeningly sweet mixture of intimidation and persuasion of the car salesman, and the sigh of relief as I walked away from that deal. After what felt like hundreds of phone calls, millions of Google search, and numerous drives to a plethora of car dealers miles away from Amherst, I decided on a black Honda Civic.
I chose the SE version, which stood for "Special Edition", because guess what, your firsts are special. ;)
We've been together in numerous drives ever since. On one day I would drive her just to move between dorms, and on another she would ride me on a trek to DC. Various people have been on her passenger seats, she's seen many of the dates that I drove. She's driven me on my happiest, proudest moments, but also on my darkest. She's hid my tears while I drove to Wong's Garden as I sought to escape my stress, and she's comforted me as I drove back from New York toward Amherst in the nightfall. She has truly made my last two years of Amherst wonderful. And oh, the multiple drives to Quabbin Reservoir? Williams to take a certain someone? Connecticut to be parked at Chou's place?
Thank you, and goodbye, Anastasia. I am truly grateful for the amazing two years with you. And while I know, in the future, that I shall drive a more expensive, fancier, and perhaps more beautiful car, you'll always occupy that first-ever spot in the corner of my heart.
Hope you end up in the car heaven.. Farewell.
Sunday, 25 February 2018
Skydiving
This weekend is the first weekend where I've fully implemented my strategy of responding instead of initiating - last weekend didn't count because I have already planned vacation to San Diego with my cousins and sisters!
There is probably a deep-seated fear hidden within me, which states that if I don't plan or don't initiate my weekends and reach out to people, I'll be forgotten and left to the dust. I guess we'll see if this fear is true or not. Funny because don't your deepest, truest fears are the ones that end up manifesting?
Either way, when Friday evening came around I was fully convinced that I probably won't be having any human interaction over the weekend - nobody was going to plan anything with me.
Nope, I wasn't about to be left alone, it seems. Saturday came and I was invited to visit MoMA with Steph, Corry, and Yvonne. We explored the museum and had a nice lunch at Xi'an Famous Foods. Good stuff. When Sunday came, a similar invitation came to visit the Brooklyn Museum. I voluntarily decided to be by myself today - I turned it down, and proceeded to do a lot of stuff. Perhaps.. I am beginning to enjoy this solitude.
Biologically speaking, we are hardwired to fear rejection, to fear isolation, because the caveman who didn't have a tribe didn't end up surviving against the wolves and mammoths.
Spiritually speaking, during the fall from grace, we deliberately broke off our connection with the divine and felt isolated. This pushes us to form connections with other beings, before reuniting (finding our way back) to the divine himself.
Personally speaking, I know that this challenge is two-folds. First is to be able to stay happy, peaceful, and productive in solitude. To enjoy one's own company, march along happily, and to sustain the internal dialogue in the midst of the crowd. But secondly this is also an exercise in manifestation and a test of faith.
For a person who is used to being controlled by his own ego, who trusts nothing but his own "logic and reason", who is used to having to reach out and initiate everything, surrendering and waiting to respond is not really different than skydiving with a tandem instructor in your back. You scream, and scream, but you realize that you have no control of your faith. It's scary to hurtle down the earth at dizzying speeds, but even scarier that you have no control over when your parachute pops open. What if the dude behind you falls asleep, or faints? What if the parachute malfunctions? What if the straps that links you to him breaks?
Well, I know, because I have been there.
I remembered screaming and screaming, until my lungs felt about to burst open. But then I realized that I couldn't even hear my own voice, because the air was so thin so high up. I thought that either I could a) continue screaming and struggling or b) enjoy the seemingly infinite vista from 14,000 feet. I reasoned that I would choose to enjoy the view, the feeling of hurtling down, and the force of air and gravity against me, because if I do end up dead splat on the ground, I'd rather not have a parched throat with that.
Not different than the skydiving experience, I also chose this. I chose to experiment with this strategy. I chose to be far, here in New York. I chose to live this life, in this body, to take this journey. Sure, perhaps the next few weeks or so might seem that I am hurtling down to the ground, or it may seem so quiet and lonely like when it happens when the air is thin. But I shall resolve to stop screaming nor worrying. I shall resolve, instead, to enjoy this majestic view, this wonderful panorama, of the world and the life that I have chosen to thread.
The parachute shall open in no time, as always, and I'll be in the ground again, thanking myself that I have chosen this path.
I am enough :)
Saturday, 24 February 2018
Rituals
A person is but a sum of his or her rituals.
As follows are the rituals that I have implemented:
As follows are the rituals that I have implemented:
- Daily morning meditation + prayers - spiritual.
- Daily gratitude + daily random magic - happiness.
- Daily gym, either resistance or cardio - physical.
I have been successfully implementing these rituals for more than thirty days - I think the key here is that they are implemented first thing in the morning, and absolutely nothing gets in the way of them getting implemented. Therefore it sticks. It feels weird that, for example, if I haven't said my gratitude yet or gone to the gym.
I am implementing a few more:
- Love audio (sync with meditation)
- Radical forgiveness (sync with love audio)
- I am enough - making this more ubiquitous in my life overall
- Responding, not initiating - this is an ongoing experiment that will stick around until Mid-March
After these six core pillars are implemented, I'd love a few more to stick: 1) restricting phone/internet usage in general 2) more stories written on these blogs 3) radical mindfulness (being in the present now) 4) Hermetic energy management and reality creation 5) more reflection and journaling on my purpose and direction 6) correct eating pattern, respecting the food and ingredients 7) reading biographies and/or watching inspirational lectures.
These rituals are practiced under the foundation of "blisscipline" i.e. the notion that in order to achieve true freedom, certain amount of discipline is required.
The core of these rituals center around maintaining high energy levels throughout the day, enhancing productivity, and improving reality creation outcomes. Everything in life is energy. Scientists have discovered that physical, solid matter are but vibrations. I strive to better utilize the resource that we are given, that we only truly have: Energy and Time.
What's the relationship between the two? Who knows. But for now, I'm experimenting with these rituals to see where they can take me. And so far so good - Albeit I am a bit skeptical about the fourth strategy (responding, not initiating), the others have been doing wonders for me. And I have grown a bit lax on my gratitude and loving kindness, getting back to it would be amazing.
Yours truly,
R
Sunday, 11 February 2018
Magic Check
Since the new year started, I have been using Rhonda Byrne's book "The Magic" to practice increasing my gratitude levels. The book is divided into 28 days, with a different gratitude practice each day. In particular, there is an exercise called the Magic Check, in which one writes down his/her desired amount of money for a particular need, expresses gratitude for it, and keeps it in a familiar place - until one day money magically appears in your life!
Back then, I wrote a magic check for three thousand dollars, wanting to use the money to spend on my vacation. I went to their website, downloaded the check, printed it, filled it in, affixed my gratitude upon it, and placed it in my wallet. This was about a month ago - I actually never really thought about my magic check again, nor did I remember how much money I asked for...
Until today.
After finishing 28 days' worth of the Magic, I have been randomly assigning myself daily gratitude assignments, and today, it fell on the Magic Check again. I thought to myself, "Wow, I probably need to be more grateful for money in my life."
Until when I fished for the check inside my wallet and re-read it again.
Sometime in the past week, the stock markets crumbled and crumbled, and my dad reached out, asking me to buy certain stocks. I happily obliged, and after putting in a sizeable amount, I told him that I would need liquidity. He said, yes, and without me specifying the amount of money needed, he wired over three grand. Exactly a three followed by three zeroes. Of course I was immediately grateful for it, but I did not make the connection to the magic check I wrote in January.
This is it. Scary. I got exactly what I asked for. Not a cent more, not a cent less. I am really grateful, because this is a sign, an answer to my question earlier this weekend regarding manifestation. Yes, I am a generator, but we have our own ways to manifest. The magic, the secret, the law of attraction, the wonders of appreciation, detachment, and gratitude can work for us, in our own ways. I didn't initiate physically (i.e. I didn't go around asking for money nor actively seeking to obtain $3,000), but it involved a physical affirmation (writing a check), and I guess this is one component of the power. The other component of the power is the obedience to the law of detachment - I forgot about it after doing the physical affirmation. I was really grateful for it, really happy, but I didn't give it much thought or resistance. I was able to divorce my intent from my attachment to the outcome (sure, $3,000 is a lot of money for me, and it's nice to have that extra cash, but somehow I wasn't desperate chasing for it, nor did I anxiously try to speed up the process of obtaining it).
This is just another reminder for myself in the future in case I end up questioning my (our) power and/or ability to create, to manifest. It's the law, there's no way around it. I want to treat every single desire in my life like a game, so that it's fun manifesting them! Hehe. Happy creating, my fellow creators.
R
Wednesday, 7 February 2018
A Generator
So..
What's up, guys and gals.
I've been reading up about bodygraph and human designs recently. Essentially, you input your birth date, hour, and location, and it will use a formulaic method to lay out a groundwork about you and your life.
Being a selfish person, obviously I'm just going to think and reflect about myself first. Hehehe.
Apparently, I am a generator. So - allegedly - I have boundless energy, but I need to channel them properly. The only way to channel my energy properly is to wait to respond, instead of taking the initiative to act. Apparently, if I wait and respond properly (by trusting my guttural instincts), I shall be rewarded with a life of abundance, ease, and spontaneous manifestation of my desires. However, if I play along with my social conditioning, and take the initiative instead of playing the waiting game, I will get rewarded with frustration instead (e.g. won't have the energy to finish what I started).
So this is interesting. These days, I have been obsessed with reaching out and planning and filling up my time slots in the weekdays and the weekends to meet with people. I shall try and give that up. And play the waiting/responding instead of the initiating game instead. I guess instead of reaching out to people and giving them suggestions or offering help, I shall assume a passive but benevolent and helpful role - if my sacral permits. This is early February, so let me give this a shot until early March, and I'll keep you posted if I end up being frustrated or happier. Honestly, it scares the hell out of my mind (classic mind) that if I don't reach out to people first then I'll be left alone to dusts. Then I'll never find the one. Then I'll never find the right opportunities.
But hey, I have some faith. And all I have is faith. I will keep on creating and living the reality I want in my head, while keeping a grateful attitude in my heart. All the difference lies in my mindset and my attitude/action.
Funny because when I've asked advice from the sages, they said things that sound pretty similar.. "Semua usahamu akan sia-sia" "Mas, santai aja, kamu dikelilingi oleh bidadari yang jatuh cinta pada kamu. Tapi mereka pura-pura cuek. Kamu tinggal diem aja, nanti juga dikerubutin" "Suatu hari nanti kamu akan bangun tidur dan sadar kalau apa-apa gausah di plan. tinggal ikutin kehendak soul mu saja, dijalani, nanti akan terjadi yang terbaik untukmu." "Semua tinggal terima jadi aja, dan dinikmati. sebab semuanya sudah diselenggarakan".
Funny how. Well, I guess then I understand what the first sage was saying - it's not that all my efforts shall be in vain. It's those efforts where I ignore my central authority, my sacral, my soul, tend to be wasted. Looking back in my life, I have had wonderful achievements and tremendous happiness, and it's not that I have been passively waiting and lazing around. I worked my ass off to be here in the States, and to live the life I live right now. However, at the same time, the process seemed so serendipitous. Right people and right events and right decisions just came about during the right time, and here I am today, very blessed. All I needed to do was just to respond - to that calling.
Very cool. Let me wrap up by presenting an example that turned out so well, that wasn't me responding. Well - I was originally going to be roommates with Chris in New York, but it suddenly fell through. While I was deep in sadness and gloominess, I surrendered everything and prayed to my soul. From deep within, there came a voice, a thought, perhaps, saying: "Paul". I knew what to do - I immediately reached out to him and asked if he was still looking for people to room with. Now, I am living with him and Hao in a comfortable apartment in Midtown East, right about five minutes from the office. I am blessed for the short commute, for the amazing roommates, for the cheap rent, and for the amazing living condition. Well, I guess this was an instance of taking the initiative to reach out, but that's after deep contemplation and it's in response of the depths of my soul (obviously being sanctioned by the Soul, then).
Anyways, I'll keep you posted! Hehe. Or ask me, because I'm not supposed to take the initiative. Hehehe.
What's up, guys and gals.
I've been reading up about bodygraph and human designs recently. Essentially, you input your birth date, hour, and location, and it will use a formulaic method to lay out a groundwork about you and your life.
Being a selfish person, obviously I'm just going to think and reflect about myself first. Hehehe.
Apparently, I am a generator. So - allegedly - I have boundless energy, but I need to channel them properly. The only way to channel my energy properly is to wait to respond, instead of taking the initiative to act. Apparently, if I wait and respond properly (by trusting my guttural instincts), I shall be rewarded with a life of abundance, ease, and spontaneous manifestation of my desires. However, if I play along with my social conditioning, and take the initiative instead of playing the waiting game, I will get rewarded with frustration instead (e.g. won't have the energy to finish what I started).
So this is interesting. These days, I have been obsessed with reaching out and planning and filling up my time slots in the weekdays and the weekends to meet with people. I shall try and give that up. And play the waiting/responding instead of the initiating game instead. I guess instead of reaching out to people and giving them suggestions or offering help, I shall assume a passive but benevolent and helpful role - if my sacral permits. This is early February, so let me give this a shot until early March, and I'll keep you posted if I end up being frustrated or happier. Honestly, it scares the hell out of my mind (classic mind) that if I don't reach out to people first then I'll be left alone to dusts. Then I'll never find the one. Then I'll never find the right opportunities.
But hey, I have some faith. And all I have is faith. I will keep on creating and living the reality I want in my head, while keeping a grateful attitude in my heart. All the difference lies in my mindset and my attitude/action.
Funny because when I've asked advice from the sages, they said things that sound pretty similar.. "Semua usahamu akan sia-sia" "Mas, santai aja, kamu dikelilingi oleh bidadari yang jatuh cinta pada kamu. Tapi mereka pura-pura cuek. Kamu tinggal diem aja, nanti juga dikerubutin" "Suatu hari nanti kamu akan bangun tidur dan sadar kalau apa-apa gausah di plan. tinggal ikutin kehendak soul mu saja, dijalani, nanti akan terjadi yang terbaik untukmu." "Semua tinggal terima jadi aja, dan dinikmati. sebab semuanya sudah diselenggarakan".
Funny how. Well, I guess then I understand what the first sage was saying - it's not that all my efforts shall be in vain. It's those efforts where I ignore my central authority, my sacral, my soul, tend to be wasted. Looking back in my life, I have had wonderful achievements and tremendous happiness, and it's not that I have been passively waiting and lazing around. I worked my ass off to be here in the States, and to live the life I live right now. However, at the same time, the process seemed so serendipitous. Right people and right events and right decisions just came about during the right time, and here I am today, very blessed. All I needed to do was just to respond - to that calling.
Very cool. Let me wrap up by presenting an example that turned out so well, that wasn't me responding. Well - I was originally going to be roommates with Chris in New York, but it suddenly fell through. While I was deep in sadness and gloominess, I surrendered everything and prayed to my soul. From deep within, there came a voice, a thought, perhaps, saying: "Paul". I knew what to do - I immediately reached out to him and asked if he was still looking for people to room with. Now, I am living with him and Hao in a comfortable apartment in Midtown East, right about five minutes from the office. I am blessed for the short commute, for the amazing roommates, for the cheap rent, and for the amazing living condition. Well, I guess this was an instance of taking the initiative to reach out, but that's after deep contemplation and it's in response of the depths of my soul (obviously being sanctioned by the Soul, then).
Anyways, I'll keep you posted! Hehe. Or ask me, because I'm not supposed to take the initiative. Hehehe.
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