Cliche

A single, cohesive piece.

How is it going, beloved readers? I've had a busy summer, but I'm fine, as always :) I actually had the privilege to make two phone calls two my very precious Indonesian friends back home - Mikeboss and Priscilla. The latter shared regarding her spiritual progress in connecting with her higher self through journaling and asking questions. She told me that the key difference between thinking and dialouging with your higher self is actually very simple: The former stops at asking the question. The latter actually lets answers, from the faintest of voices come out. By actually paying attention to the answers to these questions, and actually following through with it, one can actually receive the necessary guidance. And I have born the sin of ignoring these voices, the voice of my higher self, of my guides.. Thus it is imperative for me to reconnect to them! :)

Another interesting theme brought up by Priscilla was human bodygraph design - Ra style. Which reminded me of the whole generator experiment (see a few posts back). Simply put, I need to know the difference between allowing/responding versus initiating, and in all likelihood, if I am facing a frustration or a block, it is probably because I am initiating instead of responding like I am supposed to. The issue I had was one of "agency" and "trust" - if I don't initiate wouldn't I be left in the dust? But actually I read a very interesting blog post regarding this - we initiate inside, stating our intent clearly through the law of attraction, and then letting it go to the universe. At least, if anything, we wait slightly longer/being more patient before rushing into action. And funnily enough - whenever I was patient enough to wait before initiating, it seems that the rewards are great for me :) like one night I had to work late in the office - noticing a friend who I wanted to hang out with for a while. And she reached out! And we walked home together as a result, having some fun while catching up.

The next learning point would be mentalism - the fact that you are not your thoughts, you get right answers IF you ask the questions and IF you listen to them, and that these thoughts might come from others instead of you. For example - out of the blue, I just got really jealous and started thinking negatively about a girl who I used to date. However, this time, I was able to catch myself and ask: "Wait a second. Why am I having these thoughts all the sudden? How much of these thoughts are actually me?" I figured there was no reason whatsoever for me to be jealous all the sudden - we were on good terms and I haven't really been in touch with her for the past few days or so. It finally dawned upon me that I might be picking up these feelings from her instead, however, being played out/translated into my own version instead (yes - I might have made her feel a bit jealous the last time we texted..). I decided to show compassion to these thoughts - being grateful for the feeling, and also asking the Universe to transmit calming thoughts to her, something along the lines of: "If, this is for the greater good, please let these thoughts reach her. Please tell her that she doesn't have anything to be jealous about, that I truly care for her, and that she can have my time or attention if she wants to." And surprise, surprise, magically, the negative thoughts stopped bothering me again! :) Same process applied to a coworker who I thought didn't really like me. Maybe this was just in my head, or maybe it was real, but after sending such a thought, (well, give it a day or two), all became well again!

Now. The thing I need to figure out would be the optimal amount of self-care time. What I am currently experiencing is the exact opposite of loneliness haha. This is so interesting - I guess it is the feeling of being stretched too thin. It's definitely better now that I have had the opportunity to reclaim my independence by going to the gym and being by myself, resting enough, and reflecting, but going forward, I'd love to be in a situation where I am in a fantastic relationship with the woman of my dreams, but still having time for myself. I'd love to be in a relationship where we both truly adore each other and can't wait to be with each other and spending quality time with each other, but at the same time, still making time for other things in life, and most importantly, a respect for our own time and space :) Most importantly, I think she's a keeper if she's not demanding, and not judgmental. In other words, if she's kind, able to love things the way they are, and is grateful about the small things in life. I'm excited! Thank you.

May you all have a good week ahead,
R