Winter (?) Wonderland

Hi Readers,

It's been a while, huh? I am sipping my Darjeeling tea and writing at the Lady K Cafe at Montague, MA. It's warm up here, I just saw in the weather forecast that it's only going to snow sometime next Tuesday. And I just finished with my finals, yep! I guess I've earned the right to be a teeny bit relaxed right now ;)

I never got the chance to put this story inside my blog, but early this semester my best friend Sho visited me from Brown. We met in the summer of 2014, when I was attending Princeton In Beijing. Sachou (lit. company president) is one of the funniest, nicest, and the most hentai person I've ever met. He's super relaxed and easygoing, and I truly enjoy hanging out with him. Anyways, when he was staying over at my place in Amherst, he introduced me to a bunch of ladies, including two Japanese first-years: One is studying in Mt Holyoke, and the other at Amherst. They are admittedly cute, and having spent a semester in Japan, I had a lot of things to relate to both of them.

It turns out that one of them rather enjoyed hanging out with me. I invited her to eat in Val with me on multiple occasions, and we've always had enjoyable conversations. I really appreciated her thoughts, her values, and her appreciation of my jokes. Somehow, I open up easily to her, and am able to talk about the things that mattered a lot in both of our lives. However, as this semester is a rather hectic one, I've never gotten the chance to get to know her really well, outside of the meals in Val.

Fast forward to a few days ago: I learned that she was leaving the day after our finals end, so I decided to ask her out for a dinner. We went to House of Teriyaki (I was craving some sun du bu and ttopokki) and had another nice chat. I didn't expect a lot from that dinner, but it turned out that she enjoyed red wine (money!) and was open to some drinks despite having to wake up early for her flight this morning, so I bought a bottle of a nice French fusion red wine after the dinner and invited her over. Honestly, it's been a while since I've had wine, and even more so having a girl over at my place. It was a good feeling; it's been a while that I had a nice female friend to exchange banters, share stories, and fire jokes at each other. It is a warm winter this winter, for sure.

It's not what you think, however, as I took her back to her room afterwards ;). ゆんちゃん、ありがとう! I had fun, and I look forward to hanging out again once you're back from Tokyo next semester. As I've told you, life is defined by moments, and moments like these, not the ones that happen in your Computer Science classes, are the ones that you will remember a long way down the road.

Now readers, tell me if you think she's the one from Amherst, or Mt. Holyoke?

Yours,
Rufus

The Soul Purpose of Life

Every being has a soul; but only a few people are blessed with the awareness of the Universe.

I have always been in the borderline, there are days in which the voices within me sound clearer than ever. The whole world, the whole universe, is just a playground for our souls to grow and learn. Once these souls have matured enough, they will go back (or perhaps, for the benefit of linearity, progress) to where they originate from.

All the scenarios and the things we go through in life has already happened, but are not absolute because every parallel moment is a co-creation between our physical self, earthly ego, and the captain of the chariot, our soul. The way all events unfold, the connection between my life and other's lives, or even all my past and future selves, ultimately point to the direction of a whole one being. That is why masters call the events of our lives "dramas" or "soap operas". We are not physical beings experiencing a spiritual phenomena; we are spiritual beings experiencing a physical life. Thus, whatever ambitions or goals we have are merely "stories" or even a "movie" to the driver of the chariot.

I profess I have trouble keeping patient at times. I finally am getting closer to the answer of "why me, why now at this point?" and "what is the purpose of my life?", and until I develop a better connection with my master which shall endow me a greater wisdom of understanding, I resolve to carry out my duties joyfully, and to try my best to enjoy every single moment possible, to the greatest.

Enjoy? You must be crazy. How does one enjoy the cold weather, the possibility of being physically hurt or sick, the stress and burden of your job, the feeling of rejection or loneliness from your fellow human beings, or the feeling of uncertainty and lostness, even despair toward the future?

The answer lies on the fact that the physical experience comes with such limitations for a number of good reasons. It remains a fact that if you lift and move around heavy things your muscle will feel the strain, but imagine if you are a slave in Egypt doing it, or if you are a husband trying to move your family's belongings into a new house. Yes, both actions create some form of physical strain, such is the nature of life. However, wouldn't the two people have very different emotions and states of minds?

I don't know how far I am in the school of life, in the progression or advancement of souls. I heard that it's not going to be far too long from this point onward, but I figured that since I am probably going to live slightly longer, and I am meant to fulfill certain tasks, why not I try my best to enjoy all the process? I understand too that there are karmic ties, perhaps I have been undoing most of them, and hopefully I am not building too much of those too. But, whoever people you have sent, are sending, or will send my way, I am very grateful for them. And I will treat them with the respect they deserve, and I will help them as they will help me, for I believe that in each person I come across there is something I can learn from them.

I shall talk more about myself specifically right now, I will expose most of my inner sanctuary because I need to see this in writing in order to have a clearer dialogue with my Higher Self. Readers, you are seeing me threadbare. Don't mind me. I understand that I have been through countless lives and incarnations, but I am poised towards and being reminded of my existence as an European Aristocrat around the 15th century. It never occurred to me to ask why specifically that life was made clear to me, until I realized that the me in this life is probably the most similar to the me in that life.

I heard the aristocrat is such a great person. He is a hero in his own right, and allow me to christen him Rufus. Rufus loves red wine. He is a man of many charms, always surrounded by girls. He is a capable and confident man. He travels for his work, and at the young age of 19 he has been sent by the Luxembourg kingdom to settle a national affair. I heard that he is smart, ambitious, and driven. He dates a different woman for each different city he lived in. Although, he has a soft spot that I still carry on today: Rufus stays restless until he finishes whatever tasks he needs to finish.

Rufus is me, but I am a different person, a different entity from Rufus. I have my own story to fulfill, my own journey to take. I heard that the physical being of me is nowhere near a hundredth of Rufus', but there is definitely a reason why we are so similar, and perhaps our paths might overlap. After all, I am Rufus, Rufus is me.

For some reason, Rufus tells me that life as a me is more interesting, and he wishes that I remember to loosen up too. Be grateful for life. Be glad that you are on this journey. Be aware, but don't think too much because you will wear out. Everything will unfold as it is, and the things to be learned will be learned. The soul of the universe does not function with an ego: Although they shape our destiny, they actually are the epitome of the free will and respect for the different paths and lives that we can take. And finally, everything is going to be alright. In fact, it always is, no matter what.

Yours,
Rufus.

Courage.

Peace begins with me.

I am sorry for not having true courage: I take responsibility for whatever that is appearing in my life right now. Forgive me for whatever that is within me that manifests whatever "reality" I face right now. Thank you, for undoing the shackles and the chains to these beliefs, and giving me a fresh beginning. I love you, for always giving me the best and making my life fun, adventurous, but comfortable.

True courage is the ability to accept and face whatever is going on in your life, and working out the guts to put in everything and deal with it. Enough running away, I shall face what may come head on. And God please give me the strength.

Y

Winters

Sometimes it gets cold.

When I forget, it becomes cold and dark.
It becomes colder and darker, I shiver harder.
A chill goes down my spine, and every single inch of my muscles trembling
from the cold and fear,

I stop cursing, and I start remembering
that something within me never dies;
my inner flame

And I am so grateful for that.
because Life is easy, all I need is just to remember.

As I remember, remember.
I laugh and love, sing and dance.
Because I rejoice, for although it may be cold now, but there has been and there will be, a time of warmth
and that blaze is all the proof I need

and in truth, all that I need.
because I know,
I will be back in warmth before long.

I've never left it in the first place.

Culture Clothing

Why travel? Why spread yourself so thin like a crepe, why bother living in different societies and cultures for tiny pockets of time and readjusting yourself to a new culture every time?

This post is inspired by a Javanese Muslim prayer: Rumekso Ing Wengi. It's a prayer which symbolizes each body part with a saint or a deity, with the purpose of granting protection and strength to the person who prays.

I've thought about this question a lot, and as somebody who has done so myself, I would say that assimilating these cultures are like going shopping for your body, mind, and soul. I am born and bred Indonesian, but as I visit different countries, I absorb some aspects of the culture that I like. It's like putting on a piece of garment, an armour, or an accessory. And what I put on never leaves me, even as I leave the country and stay out of touch with the culture itself. After I traveled around, I found myself well-shopped enough that I can design my own ideal fashion of culture with the bits that I have picked up along the way. The ideal is, of course, different from people to people, but mine is:

My wits and business astuteness, Chinese

My confidence, eloquence, and charisma American

My work ethic and humility, Japanese

My taste and manners British

My humor Australian, my friendliness Canadian

My efficiency and pragmatism Singaporean

but most importantly,

My heart and spirituality: Indonesian.

So, two points to be made: Firstly, I get to choose what I put on. I have the freedom to make the best of everything that has been given to me. Secondly, if you see me only based on what I am wearing, I am indeed no longer Indonesian. I am a global citizen. But my heart still is, and this shall not change even when my passport no longer is.

Lagu Wajib Kosmos

Ya Tuhan, biarlah dengan seluruh buah perbuatan mulia di dalam hidup hamba, dan dengan seluruh ilmu pengetahuan yang merupakan hak hamba, melekat di setiap ucapan hamba.

Reservoir

Once upon a time,

I took my car keys and went for a drive.

Although I miss Singapore sometimes, I still remember a lot of the stress I had to put up with to do well in my exams and excel in school. Of course, there were plenty of coping mechanisms, one of which I forgot until today. Whenever my dams were about to burst, I would go out and take a bus to McRitchie Reservoir. There, I would walk along the dark bodies of water and enjoy the smell of the forest while gazing at the stars. I would always go there by myself, alone, at night.

I would allow the nature to embrace me, enjoying my quiet moment of solitude. As I walk in further and further into the reservoir, the lights become dimmer and the sounds of cars become softer. In the depths of silence, there were no worries, there were no fears. Everything is going to be okay; I don't need to fear rejection or failure. There was a glob of wisdom-energy in the air that accessed me and revitalized my spirit. If there is a refresh button in life, this felt like hitting it. I would come back to my dorm, feeling more confident and stronger, ready to take on another stretch of challenge.

Two years, 20,000 miles, and a random drive later, I arrived at the Quabbin Reservoir at Amherst College. As I walked along quietly, staring at the great lakes and watching crimson, orange, and yellow leaves flutter about, I recognized the semblance that I'd encountered and forgotten so many times two years ago. The cool air and the softly blowing wind were casting the same spell on me. It may be forgotten, but it will never be lost on me.

I know, but I sometimes don't remember. But if I forget, I will remember to remind myself that I know.

Approval

A key to personal growth and evolution is a continuous and a conscious re-examination of one's own thoughts, personality, and character. And as I am dissuaded and distracted by a piece of thought I have, coupled with the insecurities I harbor, I shall reflect on this piece of me.

Yesterday, I was consulting my Computer Science professor about which classes to take, and she highlighted the importance of taking more humanities courses. Taking such courses would not only broaden my pool of knowledge, but also make me a more wholesome person. This is the supposed hallmark of Liberal Arts education, where intellectual pursuit is done for the sole purpose of quenching the individual's thirst of knowledge.

One thought led to another, and I became worried about whether I am making the most out of my education here at Amherst College. I recounted instances where great admiration has been shown to persons who displayed great intellectual capacity and confidence. And indeed, their intellectual prowess were not on commonplace fields of knowledge such as current affairs, politics, or the economy, but on more arcane fields such as history, philosophy, and literature. I profess to admiring these people with broad knowledge, but also, feeling the urge to be one of them, to be admired for being "intellectual". As such, I reached a point where I felt guilty for only taking economics and computer science classes, which are nowhere arcane or intellectually stimulating enough by the standards of these people.

Then I remembered my conversation with another spiritual friend/advisor in Jakarta I had in the past summer. According to her, I possess a character trait of perfectionism. I really like harmonious relationships, and everyone's good opinions or approval toward me matter a lot. I try to be the Mr. Perfect, trying to achieve perfection in order to be seen in a good light by everyone. Borrowing an analogy she presented, I am like a smooth circular sphere who keeps smoothening himself. I seek to progress with my life, with my relationships in a very smooth, frictionless manner. And as you Physics majors know, a stationary object trying to move with its own force needs friction in order to accelerate (Newton's Third Law). What ends up happening is I keep on smoothening myself, but I end up staying stuck there, not advancing at all as I keep on rolling and rolling about in the same place. Perhaps, I am better off as an ugly-shaped lump of an object who persists on rolling forward. Life is not a race, but joy in life lies in progress.

Thus, I discovered that there is a part of myself that judges me for not being able to be perfect, for not being able to gain everyone's approval. And, sure enough, my insecurities stem from this part of me. As a people-oriented person, I know that I might fall into the same trap in the future, but I pray that I always will remember that having the approval of everyone means having the approval of no one. Paul Newman, a famous artist and philanthropist, once said: "A man with no enemies is a man with no character." I won't go around looking for enemies just to prove that I have character, but I will gain my own approval of me first. It doesn't matter how many stamps of approval I get if I don't get my own's.

Maybe I will have made the most out of my education here. Maybe I won't. But all I know is I made these decisions myself, and yes, I got my back. If not, who would? Maybe ten years down the road the girl of my dreams won't be as fascinated with me because I am not liberal artsy enough for her. But maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to accept and love me the way I am? It is precisely these perfectionistic tendencies that cause me to take things too seriously, to take into account tomorrow's problem into today's, and to excessively care about people's judgements and how things pan out. I'll have to give these tendencies a break if I ever wish to achieve security. For secure is derived from Latin securus: se which means without, and curus, which means care.

Let go.

Hmm

Beloved readers, this post is more of a self-reflection answering some qualms I have encountered. It's more for me than for you. Thanks :)

On Love,

Earlier this week, I was talking to my boss about dating. She's pretty impressed (and horrified) to learn that I only consider dating my best friends. It's a double-whammy: If you win, you have everything to win. But if things go wrong, you lose not only your lover, but a best friend too. And apparently it doesn't work, because once a guy is in a friendzone, he stays there forever.

I um.. I think I am willing to take the chances that there's some women out there who might have the same philosophy, who prioritize comfort over excitement, and understanding over mystery. What I need to learn is to shelve my tendency to be overly kind and also to shelve my physical attraction to my female friends (and also the need to attract their attention). I guess that's what I mean when I tell myself I have to take it easy. It's not about who to commit to, because it's not at all about commitment. But it is all about choosing who to share my love to, and then committing to myself that it shall never be broken.

And then just hope that the other party would be willing to share hers back. Because if she doesn't, and I truly love her, it doesn't matter. Love doesn't expect anything back. But I know, that for my purposes, I would love being loved back (I'm human too), so now it's just a question of choosing who deserves such a love? And I pray that I become more patient as I choose, and as I do so, I shall not be blinded by pity or lust.

Also, a bunch of my close friends have just graduated from college recently, and they all shared the same advice: Find a girlfriend while you are still in college. It's apparently way more difficult to meet girls outside college. It seems true. Yesterday, the first-years just checked in, and with them a bunch of my friends who are helping with orientation came back to Amherst. I am nowhere near a Don Juan or a Cassanova, but I think I get along pretty well with the ladies. And yes, in the span of 48 hours, I've talked to exactly seven ladies who are kind, attractive, around my age, and not taken (I think), which is around the same number of ladies I talked to during the three months of summer that has just ended.

---

"Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable."  -Hannibal from The A-Team movie.

I remember this quote when I think about the power of time. I know we shouldn't compare ourselves with other people, but I think the only person we can compare ourself to is the person we were yesterday.

And thus, I look back, and I realize that although I loved myself from the past, I think I grow over time too. I might lose some, but I know that as time passes, I become more mature, and my capabilities grow bigger too. I am confident that the me right now is a much better person to date than the me five years ago, and thus the me five years later would me a way better person to date than the me now.

I also am a believer in the law of attraction, and that you attract similar vibes. As I become wiser and more mature, I'll attract more wiser and more mature company too. I am confident that I can make a girl happy right now, but I am confident I can make her happier in the future. Therefore, with all respect to my seniors' opinions, I will still take it easy. And thus I shall be free from insecurity but also from complacency.

Dear self, take it easy, take it slow. Love does not rush, and she is not going anywhere. Relax, breathe, enjoy the journey, and live.

Sending positive vibrations on your way :)

Anastasia

I don't know how are you, where you are, or what are you up to

And

I know my words will not, and will probably never, reach you

But

I pray that you are deeply in love with life, savoring every bit of it with an even smile,

That

I wish that you are surrounded by people who love you almighty,

Such that

I hope you are blessed with good health, and a stellar luck that would shame the god of fortune

And with thus

All angers and negativity shall melt off, and the evil shall run miles miles away

From you

Your smile is a field of sunflowers

And your touch, a sliver of heaven.

We shall meet each other again someday,

In the place where the sun never sets.

With arms wide open, with eyes that are interlocking with mine

Finally saying,

I loved you.

Anastasia..

I'm fine too,

Thank you.

Wonder

Haha I don't know what I ought to write, but I just felt like writing because I'm alone in the first floor of smudd trying to procrastinate from doing my E-Learning. Yes, smudd is open 24/7 with AC in the summer! Life is good(:

I am fascinated by a thought: I am a hero in my own story, the main character, the one who saves the day. As is everyone with their own lives, and their own stories. However, occasionally I might play the villain in someone else's story. I'm rather curious what kind of villain I would be, and what sort of sins I would commit.

"If you play the drama, you shall reap the karma." That is what I was taught; but to live is to be involved in the drama of others. This reminds me of my pal Dan (who I'm visiting in Princeton next week!) who was a sailor, and dealt with a lot of different characters. His answer? Tread lightly.

Anyways, a little update on my end: My internship is winding down, and I've been running on top gear (and will be for the next coming two weeks) so I'll love to kick back and relax for a bit. I might be on the road for a couple of weeks; but I also look forward to be done done and just sing, throw my hands up, and dance :)

Hope you are having an amazing summer!

Williamstown, MA

Warmest greetings, dearest readers.

I hope you are all doing well and fine :) A lot of things has happened but it's slightly difficult for me to express them through prose (I guess since they're not that comical.. hahaha) so allow me to start with the lighter touches first.

A few weeks ago I took a zipcar to visit my (only) Williams friend, Jaeho, whom I met during my summer in Beijing. Public Service Announcement: If any of you readers are looking for a boyfriend, I strongly recommend Jaeho: He is one of the nicest, unassuming, and well-meaning people I've ever met in my life. He's smart, a hard worker, and also a serious but fun guy. And he's pretty cute too <3. Anyways, before you guys start suspecting my sexual preferences (I am attracted to women and women only) I'll proceed to the story, then.

By the time my GPS announced that I have arrived in Williams, I reached out my phone to call Jaeho. It's only then I realized that my mobile does not have reception there. And you've guessed it, I haven't agreed with Jaeho where exactly in Williams we were meeting. I grew pretty desperate and considered to step out of the car and asking random Williams kids if they knew Jaeho and if they could connect me with him, but there were two things holding me back: a) Williams had way way more kids in the Summer than Amherst, what are the odds that I'd pick somebody who knew him? b) I was wearing an Amherst College T-shirt. I was kinda scared that I would end up being tackled by a bunch of Williams footballers due to our schools' rivalry.

Being a super rational person as myself, the genius but desperate me decided to be innovative. I parked my car near a quad full of students sitting down on the grass, chatting, and enjoying the waning summer sunshine (which, I later learned, was right in front of the campus center). As I walked out of the car toward the building, I took off my purple Amherst T-shirt and I charged toward these people, while repeatedly yelling "Jaeho Jaeho Jaeho!!!" and wildly swinging my T-shirt in the air. I was expecting Jaeho to pop out and save me from the embarrassment but instead three young buff lads quickly stood up and tackled me. Next thing I knew I was being interrogated in the Williams' campus police.. Whew, I thought they were going to send me to a mental asylum or something. Fortunately, the folks there were nice enough to call Jaeho up and let me off scotch-free..

Just kidding, I actually managed to get ahold of him without shaming myself to death like above. One of his friends actually told me that I made a rookie mistake of not knowing that T-mobile doesn't work in Williams at all. (Thanks for the late warning, sir...) But I really had fun in the quaint place. Yes, Williams only had a street as their downtown, and zero Chinese restaurants (Amherst has an intersection as our downtown, and we have three Chinese restaurants within walking distance) but it's fair to say that Williams College has a more beautiful architecture and environment. Jaeho took me to see a Van Gogh exhibition in the Clark museum, which was stellar, and the next morning we drove and had a breakfast in an American diner in Vermont. It was my first American diner experience despite having studied here for 1.5 years, and food was superb. The best part was catching up with him and learning what's up from him, though.

I guess that's it for now. Thanks for having me, Jaeho, and you're very certain that I'll be back again!

The gorgeous chapel in Williams College 

The Blue Benn Diner in Vermont, a ten-minute drive from Williams

Enter Summer (ver 2)

Hello again dear readers :)

It's my first summer in the United States, and I'm pretty excited! I arrived in Amherst exactly one and a half weeks ago, and I'd say by now I'm pretty much settled in. I've bought things that I'll need to survive the summer comfortably, see attached (read: pillows and fans) so I think it'll be alright.. hehe

A sneak-preview of my room ;) my little haven <3

Anyways, I'm not quite sure myself why I've taken up to write, but let me share a few things:
1. I'm really pleased to meet friends who I can practice my Chinese and Japanese with. While I guess I can say my Japanese is conversant, apparently my Chinese "depreciated" by a huge margin lol. Well, I shall grab more opportunities to improve my Chinese, then!
2. The people in my office are amazing, and I love my work. They are really capable people, but they are really nice and willing to share too. Another thing worth mentioning would be the fact that most of the people in my office are ladies, out of the 30+ people working in the building I'm one of the four men there.
3. Here at Amherst, taking long walks in the evening summer is really pleasant. I took most of mine with a really close Korean friend in the past few days, and we would go for coffee (she'd grab tea) afterward. Too bad she's on her way back to Korea for the rest of the summer... But I'm chuffed to bits we got to catch up even just for a bit :)

I have plenty of time to catch up, rest, and reflect. It's really tempting just to buzz around and start saturating my time with people, or just moving around and going to different cities to catch up with the old pals, but I'll probably lay low for a bit more. I always welcome people who feel comfortable around me, though. The biggest compliment you can give me is if you can laugh and cry in front of me without a care, if you can be your truest self in my presence. I shall reciprocate and treasure you.

Also, pray that I don't forget to take it easy ;)

Happy summer everyone!

Transit

I usually try not to update my blog too often, but since I have some time, and am feeling great, so yeah why not?

Thank you for your understanding, readers :)

I am in Narita now, waiting for my next flight to New York. Narita is a fantastic airport to be stuck in, it has Japanese food, goods, and people. The free wifi's great, and I'm enjoying a fantastic resting space which is stylistically built and is very comfy! Although objectively Singapore's Changi Airport remains the best transit place I've experienced, I am very pleased with what I get here. As a bonus, I was enjoying my bowl of tonkatsu in a restaurant here when I heard a bunch of Japanese people practicing their Bahasa Indonesia. After the meal, I stopped by them, praised their Bahasa in Japanese, and finished off with terimakasih and sayonara. They were shocked; but it's one of the many little moments which make learning foreign languages worth it ;)

The comfy sofa-bed in Narita

Ahh. It is lovely to be back in Japan, even if just for a while. It brings me back to the country which treated me very well. It's difficult to not remember strolling down the dimly lit streets of Kyoto or watching the cherry blossoms flutter in Osaka Castle whenever I hear Japanese being spoken. I am truly grateful, for whatever the costs might have been, that I chose and was given the opportunity to spend some time in Japan during the past semester.

Let me conclude this with another story, a reminisce of my Japanese memory. Toward the end of the program, I began to hang out more with the 3rd Year Japanese kids, and they love going to Nipponbashi with passion. Nipponbashi is almost an hour's worth of travelling from my home in Shojaku, and in the region they do three main things: Doujinshi, Games, and Arcade. To be very honest, I wasn't much of a doujinshi/anime or game console buff, but I really enjoyed the Arcade visits to Taito.

On our second last weekend, I decided to follow Bry-Chan to split up with the group from Namco and to go to Taito. Probably good thing I did so, because I discovered this amazing drum game in the latter arcade. I really enjoyed the game because before I knew it I was smiling and laughing everytime I managed to beat a song. However, there was a song that I was always very close to beating, but I never managed to. I promised myself that I would beat the song before I left Japan for good. Therefore, in the very last day (it was a Friday after our final exams, and everyone had to check out of the dorms on Saturday), when everyone was shopping, packing, or saying goodbyes, I left for Taito by myself to finally beat the song, and only after then I joined the group's farewell party. I'm so glad that I did so, because now I can say I left Japan without any regrets!

Well, I hope you all are having fun! Cheers!

flyt

Hi All, thank you! :)

I'm sitting at Jakarta International Airport's Starbucks, having checked in my gigantic luggage. In a few I shall hop on my plane bound for Narita (a good chance to finish my Yen and recharge some of my nihongo) and then eventually New York. It was a good 18 days I spent here. I might say that my return flight from Osaka felt just like yesterday, but I learned a good deal about a lot of different things that my black notebook is brimming with barely intelligible scruffings hahahaha. 

Anyways, I shall have a meal with an old friend in New York before I reach Amherst around midnight. I'm excited because I've been blessed with a lot of things: Amazing friends who are staying around in the summer, *fingers crossed* wonderful boss and meaningful work, and a nice single room in Hitchcock (if I'm correct, it's even better than my single room next year lol). So, thank you, I have been blessed.

To paraphrase a friend, a student's life in school is like driving straight. The obligations and the potentials are clear as day. Therefore, to even it out, the bends and the u-turns happen during holidays for the students. I have had winding roads during the past few weeks; One fine Saturday I was just out from morning till midnight driving solo, cafe-ing, and meeting the news and reconnecting the olds. Another I was up till 3am in the top stories of a Singaporean construct, wine-ing with my cousin who I always respect. And this, below. If there are any international readers, this is an appeal for you to come visit Indonesia someday. Yes, I didn't upload the prettiest pic, but since I'm travelling soon the bridge symbolism becomes more relevant :P

Anyways, I'm glad because I finally tried kayaking on a solo boat and re-lived my old Sec 3 OBS at Pulau Ubin days. And yes, sorry, this is more for myself, but the 100 Yen gloves I bought for a "dishwasher" game in the Japanese arcade actually became handy on that day ;)

For all readers who are travelling, or who are about to, safe travels! May your paths be safe and be a cheerful one!

Lombok, Indonesia

PS: Oh and Happy Vesak Day everyone, may we eventually reach the perfect enlightenment so that we can save the universe! And to my best friend, Agan, cheers to an amazing study abroad semester in Qinghua, Beijing! I'm so proud of you for making that choice, and I'm so happy for you because you're gonna be in one of my most favorite city in the world! It's a pity that I might not be able to catch you there, but see you again somewhere mate!

Sharing

They say to share is to care, and according to the answers to the Emperor's three questions, the most important thing to do is to care. So I will probably share, probably.

How are you?

I am fine, as always. I almost can't believe that it has only been ten days after I left Japan; time has been really fast and really slow, really merciful and really cruel, at the same time.

And I have been blessed with a lot of stories and people who shared them to me. They happen fluidly too; I didn't put much effort or resistance in obtaining them. My task is merely of a student's: The black notebook is brimming with scribbles since its inception in Tahara. I guess I'm a study addict, a nerd, or a true scholar, for I'm learning way more, even when school's out. One time I was sipping wine in my cousin's condominium until three in the morning, and he taught me what it meant to conquer a mountain and what it meant to be rich, among other things. Another I was sweetly sitting and smiling at a group of sweet Indonesians who were puffing smokes, and they shared about making life more beautiful. Thank you...

I am a story teller, but my disposition is always such that I prefer to listen first. I can assume a fountain, which fills and overflows, but a good fountain keeps quiet in front of a waterfall. After receiving a lot of water and pumping, I'm starting to overflow too, so let me pour some to you readers!

(This story is a throwback from Japan)

Do travel, because traveling is a prayer to stop thinking about life and to start living it.

After an amazing day exploring Minoh 箕面市and its beautiful waterfalls, Dan and I decided to try our luck in Wakayama 和歌山 the next day. This time, not only Htet-Htet, but Wesley and Montana also decided to tag along. Wakayama is located in the south of Osaka, we took the slowest train to get the cheapest fare. It took us nearly 1800Y (15USD) and 3 hours in total to reach Wakayama.

Let me start by confessing that I am often guilty of being an impromptu sort of person, and I didn't plan the Wakayama trip at all. I just assumed that it would roll along well like the Minoh trip; we'd reach the place and then slowly figure out the ample things to do in Wakayama. Thus, being a democratic citizen, we settled for a chain curry restaurant that can be found in Umeda 梅田 (downtown Osaka) and discussed our plans for the day. (For readers from Jakarta, Singapore and Beijing, the chain restaurant was CoCo Curry..)

We finally settled to go to a famous temple with a forest walk, which was said to calm one's nerves and enhance one's happiness, but none of my friends knew how to get there. Thus I google-mapped the name of the temple, and found the supposed destination around an hour away by train. Thus begins the epic misadventure in Wakayama.

Firstly, I led my friends to a perfume section of a department store "KINTETSU", asking the confused store clerks if they knew where the train platforms were. We left the clerks confused and left to the station to take themed-trains for which our train passes did not work. Our toy-themed train was very adorable, laden with kids and young parents, but it took us straight to very far in the sticks. By the time we reached the recommended stop, we were in the middle of nowhere. There were vast paddy fields and narrow, single lane car roads around us, up north were the mountains, and there were few small residences interspersed.

I led my friends through harrowing roads and very old Japanese houses. We walked through and against the traffic, complete with curious onlookers who probably never saw white people in their lives. (Yes, I'm Asian, but three of my friends weren't). We saw gardens, giant pumpkins and flowers, traditional co-ops, until we finally reached a wall and a step of stairs by its sides.

"Friends, I think this is it. The Maps are telling me that we've arrived to our destination." I told my friends. I was fervently hoping that whatever shrine in the sticks we were visiting would be worth the journey, but..

At the start of the steps there is a traditional gate-like structure that signifies an entrance to a Japanese shrine. That's where I learned that you are not supposed to enter from the center of it unless you are a god (or a God, probably). We meekly climbed the stairs until we saw the temple, and we were appalled at what we saw.

Nope, it wasn't therapeutic. We saw a square-ish ground, with a really small, unkempt shrine full of cobwebs to our left, and a charcoal-burnt, half-standing structure on our right. There was a barricade preventing entry to the blazed grounds. To borrow the words of a friend, the place looked "hobo-ish". That was it. Some of my friends decided to toss some Yen into the donation box and pray, one of them missed the throw. (Dan, I hope you're not cursed.. hahaha) I could sense several murder intents, but boy I'm lucky I am still alive hahaha. My friends probably need my GPS to lead the way back home!

We traveled back to Wakayama station through the tedious roads, and Htet-Htet and Montana decided to catch the train back to Osaka. It was probably a wise choice, because I decided to catch a bus to Marina City with Dan and Wes, and it was a "marine" themed park with an odd mix of Mediterranean. Yes, we got a beautiful view of the ocean, but we were watching it in a midst of drizzle and we didn't last long. I also bought and lost an omiyage (I think it was a yuzu mochi) but thankfully someone stopped me before I left the bus without my phone. To top off the perfect adventure, the boys decided to get some horse sashimi in Aikawa 相川. We walked late at night after reaching Suita吹田for a good 15 minutes in the middle of the rain without an umbrella, and only when we sat down in the izakaya and ordered we realize that they were out of horse that night.

What is the moral of the story? Enjoy and bless every moment.. Hehe. I am really glad that the trip happened. We bonded together as friends and shared this unforgettable memory of the misadventure, and I fully agree with Wes who told me that he much preferred improvised trips like this, exploring the middle of nowhere without any plans, because they are much more remarkable and fun. Ten years down the road, when we meet again, we'll probably remember the cursed shrine in Wakayama.. So glad to live the 危ない生活。Hahaha. (or blessed?)

Thus, please feel free to travel, roam, and explore. Even feel freer to plan less. If you are even luckier you will be blessed with amazing and understanding travel buddies. It is the characteristic of your spirit to roam about freely, and to enjoy life. Cheers!

中国の姫様

僕は、日本で勉強していた時、色々な女性に会った。彼女たちの中で、めっちゃ親切で、完熟な中国から女の人にいた。僕と彼女はあまりしゃべらなかったとしても、僕は彼女と一緒に話す時がめっちゃ大好きだった。

ある日、僕と彼女一緒に相川の寿司やで晩御飯を食べていた。僕は彼女に聞いた：どうして全部女の人のわかることが難しいと思う？

返事は：
“其实，虽然我是个女性，我并不敢说我了解自己。对我来说，了解自己还不如控制自己好。我觉得一个女性不必了解自己，但她先要学好怎么控制自己。”と言っていた。

実はその言葉聞いた時、僕はちょっとびっくりした。だから、僕はその彼女に聞いた：“那么你觉得为什们需要控制自己呢？ 而且， 你觉得你能够这样做吗？”

もう少し返事：
“其实，每个女性的情绪蛮多。你要看这个女孩是这么控制她的情绪。以前我也不这么会控制我的情绪，所以我就常常去闹别人。现在呢，我更能够控制自己。”

その言葉はたぶん正しいと思う。僕は他の女性がもうちょっとわかりたいのです。る様、どうもありがとうございます！君と一緒にたくさん遊んで、話して、食べた、めっちゃめっちゃ楽しかったよ！またね。。

the Sage of Tahara

Once upon a time,

He woke up and decided to travel somewhere far away, somewhere beyond the grasps and clutches of the daily hustle bustles of life.

Thus he packed his bag, and set to travel by himself. He went down southern to Tsuruhashi. In the midst of the bustling train station, he took another few hours of train ride to the west, until he ended up in Toba, where the train could no longer take him no more. He has reached the seaside, the terminus, the part of Mie Prefecture that embraces the great Pacific Ocean. It was a misty, foggy day, but he ran, and ran. He kept on by himself, with some loneliness, sadness in him. He saw families laughing, birds crowing. The sea breeze was blowing against his chest, as if teasing him.

Unsatisfied with the vastly different scenery, he insisted on fleeing further from Toba. He scurried past whatever the port town had to offer him, and reached the terminal just in time: His ferry was about to depart.

He didn't care, because he knew that there was somewhere he needed to go. However, what he was looking for he himself was not sure of. But to go, he must, thus he bought his tickets and quietly boarded the vessel. He chose to sit on the exposed part of the deck, and in the midst of the mist, shivers, and the howling wind, his eyes flashed with joy whilst seeing the mesmerizing islands and oceans coming to life. "Even for just a little, let me forget everything, break free from everything. For the scariest dragons to flee from are inside our minds rather than the ones you see in the mountains.."

All the sudden, an announcement from the speakers woke him up from his daydream: "伊良湖にようこそ！"

He glanced at his watch; an hour has passed by. The ship has turned into a standstill, and crowds of people began streaming out of the vessel. It was probably around four in the afternoon, and he had just arrived in Irago peninsula, the easternmost tip of Aichi Prefecture. It was still raining softly then, but he stepped out and walked toward the road that led to the inland. He looked left and right, and he saw a painting. He was facing the vast Pacific Ocean, while behind him are trees, hills, and forests stacked one after another. Yellow magnolia flowers were shyly blossoming, seagulls were chirping and diving after one another. The quietness of the seaside village and its salty fragrance softly embraced him. He silently wondered, if, it could get any closer to paradise..?

He threaded through the meandering, hazy road. One or two cars occasionally passed by, but it was quiet otherwise. Finally, he found the pre-arranged lodging he had in mind. The BnB was not large, neither did it stand out from the rest, but it had a speck of immaculate quality that made it feel special. It didn't take him long to settle into this Japanese-style accommodation, and he savored the hot bath with grace.

The streets of Irago were unlit, so when night fell he went out and looked above. The sky was rugged with stars. Guess what was the brightest star among them all?

He expected his journey to be a quiet one; he denied himself of any outside contact, and he wished solitude. Alas, some paths are not meant to be walked solo. He became friends with three other adventurers, each hailing from different countries and holding different purposes in mind. With these three new friends he spoke with zeal, shared his bread, sang at the sundown, and raced towards sunrise. He envied the freedom these lone wolves possess, for his three friends have forsaken everything in order to see the world. They may have little money or stability, but they have the biggest wings and the smallest worries.

There exists a bigger municipality which is connected by land to Irago, named Tahara. He thus decided to venture around it. Oddly enough, it was not Tahara that he sought, it was the Sage of Tahara. "The Goddess of Irago would probably suit her better", he thought, after witnessing her enchanting smile.

It is amusing and yet very spectacular how life always brings you what you need when you really need it the most, even when sometimes you are not quite sure what you are seeking for. As long as you are willing to make that leap of faith, you shall be led to the light.

Ah yes, that smile. Only once, or twice, in his lifetime has he seen such a saintly smile. When she talked, it felt as if she was blessing him. Through her sweet melodies and voice, wisdom came down pouring on him. He felt swept away by a current, trying his best to capture the jewels that came raining on him. Although it was almost exhausting, after each encounter he felt healed and stronger; he felt that his life was rejuvenated. And, the Sage of Tahara was still very young too.. He could not help but marvel at her wisdom, obtained and refined at such an early age.

The sage told him that she graduated a few years ago, and in the end preferred Japan over America or Britain. She spoke a wonderful English, caramelized with a sweet Japanese accent. She was also fascinated by his command of Chinese, and asked him to correct her pronunciation of "空". As it turns out, "空" was her favorite word.

"If you dislike something in somebody, you are essentially disliking yourself. What you saw was the projection of yourself into the person, だよ。If you think about it, there are some people who still like the person no matter how bad he or she is. Thus, you must learn to forgive yourself through forgiving other people too, ねえ", said the sage to him.

"Why are you stressed? You must be attached to the results, ねえ。Live in the now. Worrying about the future is pointless because your future is determined exactly right now, by the bits of seconds that add up right now. How can you dream of a happy future if you can't be happy right now?" The sage further elaborated.

He felt that he found what he was looking for. It was... love. No, not romantic love, but a real lesson on love. After understanding that, he no longer felt lonely, he no longer felt weak. He then knew how to love himself better. He had rested his fatigued spirit, had satisfied his sense of adventure, and finally regained the courage to continue. He was ready to move on.

At the time of parting, the sage said to him: "Remember not my face, remember not this place, remember not my words, but remember the truth that lies within them. Remember who we really are," she smiled sweetly and added: "But you are always welcome to come back. You know where to find me."

He bowed deeply to her, expressed his utmost gratitude, and left.

And there were none.

---

Tahara (田原) in Japanese means the origin, or the source, of rice fields. May we always remember to stay connected with our (re)source, remember our origin, of who we actually really are.

あやちゃん、とてもとてもありがとうございました。迷惑をかけて、本当にすみませんでした。お疲れさまでした！また後でお会いましょう、ねえ。。多分、ある日。。かも知らない。。

Animal

It's not easy to describe this feeling; but let me try nonetheless.

If plants can sit quietly and be productive, staying in the same spot and bearing the fruits of their labor everyday, then I am an animal. I feel at ease when I am in motion.

Perhaps I am running away, from something. Perhaps there is, that I cannot bear to face. Perhaps I lack of, courage.

But one cannot run away forever. One ought to neither look down, nor look behind. One must face up, and thrust forward, and there is no other way can one lead his life.

Notwithstanding, a person can feel that he is alone and by himself. He feels that no one understands him, or tries. He feels fear enveloping him, and he feels helpless as he is in the verge of collapsing into darkness.

What does a person ought to do, once he is faced with that?

For a person's life does not belong to himself. It belongs to the people around him, and he owes his life to his mortal enemies as much as he owes it to his best friends. There is only one real duty, that is to live, to see through the scary parts of the fairy tale and eventually discover that dragons can be slain.

If such a man was to come to me, I at least have an answer. Go to a Japanese train station. No, don't jump off the tracks, that won't solve anything. Take the fastest train, something faster than the special limited express, if possible. Go to the first car where the conductor maneuvers the vehicle like a wizard bringing his golem to life. Do it early in the morning, let the sun bash your head and knock into you some life. Watch the Japanese towns, trees, and landscapes unzip before your eyes. It doesn't matter whether you are standing by yourself or there is a crowd of commuters behind you. Keep looking straight up, feel your body accelerating with the train. Zoom past your worries, troubles, and loneliness. Until the next stop, they cease to exist.

And sometimes that small pause is all we need.

A small hope.

Perhaps through that tiny seep, one can realize that those fears, worries, loneliness, are but illusions one create and stubbornly cling onto. That's why velocity might just be able to shake them off.

Isn't it a joy to be living?

A Date with Me

I'm probably going through a rebellious phase.

I don't even know where to begin describing this feeling; it probably has to do with the volatile emotions and feelings I've been pressurized by lately. As I watched my internal world getting torn asunder, I laid down and surrendered. I felt so much pain throbbing in my heart, that I thought I was falling into darkness.

Fortunately, I received a few words of wisdom. These words told me to take it easy, to relax, to feel the feeling. Subsequently, a cool, calm feeling enveloped me. When I woke up this morning, I wasn't quite sure what happened, but I felt very relaxed. Instead of finishing whatever work I had, I opened my laptop and savored wonderful music. I felt fearless, I feared of losing nobody, I started desiring my own company. My intuition was speaking louder than ever, and it felt so good. I must be doing something right.

I knew that today is the only sunny day in Osaka this week, and this is the week when sakura flowers (cherry blossoms) bloom. I felt the urge of taking part in ohanami (sakura-viewing), but I have classes until 4pm on Thursdays. It took quite a while, but I managed to convince myself to skip my afternoon classes. I know that skipping classes amounts to a certain disrespect to the teachers, but I had this feeling that I could not miss this no matter what. It was a lesson more important than the ones I learn in class. I could've asked for my friends to tag along, as the me before would've done. But not this time. I also had another feeling that it has to be done by myself, me alone, and I liked that feeling. I wanted to escape from a friend. Nothing wrong with her, but these past few days I felt like staying away from her. I felt a strange repulsion, a different energy, for one reason or another.

Thus I met one of my afternoon teachers and sent a text to the other. I left school at 1230, had an amazing lunch at my favorite place near my apartment, and then bought snacks for the hanami. I was pretty gracious: I got myself green tea, milk coffee, chocolate moist cake, pea chips, and green tea biscuits. One train ride and one monorail ride later I arrived in heaven on earth. In between tall buildings and houses there was a fenced patch of green, with tall trees handsomely encircling it. White-pinkish sakura flowers were in their full bloom; not unlike a group of elegant ladies laughing merrily. People were sprawling about like ants, kids were playing on the fields and adults either seated and talking or lying down and relaxing. I was taking so many pictures that I had to stop myself.

Anyone with a decent imagination would create her own safe haven, a beautiful place to retreat into where there's nowhere else to go. In the mind of the middle school me, my safe haven was a bustling night street, with dim lights and rows and rows of blooming sakura trees to the right and the left of the streets. There are many Japanese-style festival stalls that sells food and offers opportunities to have fun, and I imagined walking down that street seeing people I know and love, stopping every so often to talk to them; all while enjoying the falling petals of sakura and the soft evening wind.

I was genuinely startled to see my tiny sanctuary in real life, with my own eyes. Except, of course, it wasn't in the evening and I knew and talked to nobody on that street. But yet, I was very grateful. To close your eyes and imagine your own little sanctuary, and to open your eyes and finding yourself there, it's quite a feeling to describe.

And yes, I was by myself, but I was far from lonely. I was enjoying my independence, my solitude. It felt good to be able to have the highest degree of freedom, to be able to decide where to go next or how long to stay at that place for, without worrying how your company might think or feel. I collected sakura flowers to be pressed at one moment, and started munching the green tea biscuits at another. I meandered through a street market, got myself lost, found my way back again. I sat in an empty stadium and sipped my green tea while watching the flowers and the kids who are playing badminton down below. And yes, it was such a joy.

I left the big park, thinking that there was another small park to be discovered beyond the eastern gates. I was wrong; there was only a deserted concrete space with pockets of sakura trees. I am now very glad that I made the mistake. I found an empty space (there were none inside the very crowded park) and lied down next to a sakura tree. I took deep breaths, meditated for a bit, talked to myself, and stared at the pinkish blossoms. I felt the soft and moist sensation of the grass below, gently pressing themselves against my skin. I then sat up, finished my snacks, and lied down again. I contemplated the beauty right before my eyes, and for that moment, I ceased to worry about what has happened and what was going to happen. I felt a joyous, glistening energy through my body.

I left when I wanted to leave; when it finally got cold enough. It was a day of freedom well-spent, and probably much deserved and needed. I'm so glad that I'm by myself, I had nobody to entertain or to take care but by myself. I could get myself dirty and stare at the flowers silly without a care. I could talk to myself, I could hum out loud, without worrying what my company might think about me.

Dear Universe, thank you for today. Thank you for the beauty, for the peace of mind, for the solitude. Thank you for reconnecting me with nature. Thank you for giving me even more opportunities to be grateful. Thank you for reminding me that life is worth living. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out alone, by myself, to explore. Thank you.
---
On a side note, the weather is warm enough such that I am opening my windows in the hopes of getting my room cooler. Thank goodness(:

---
And honestly, despite the fact that it was so fun to be with myself, a part of me wished that I was holding the hands of the girl I was dating in Kyoto (see the previous post) as I walked down the path of sakuras. Maybe, someday, someday.

Spring

Dear readers, it really has been a while.. Hasn't it? Much apologies, if there is any I can offer. Instead of repeating the same old excuses, let me just indulge myself in this post.

Yes, spring has come to Osaka. It's going to be around 20 degrees Celsius throughout this week, and although I have been inside my room this past weekend, starting and finishing Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, from the seldom walks outside I gather that the first few cherry blossoms are blooming. The real cherry blossom, or sakura, are not as red or pink as the plum blossoms that bloom much earlier. Nor do they last as long. But I guess scarcity, and not audacity, makes something more precious.

I have been looking forward to this spring. No, not just for the warmth, nor the flowers. I have been looking for a turning point, a new beginning. Things were slightly darker and testy than I expected in the first few months here, but I see signs of change since two weeks ago. It's amazing, how renewed energy fills me in and sparkles me with life. On that note I am still working towards the certainty of my summer endeavors; this blog is just an act of procrastination. Thus let me indulge you in a story, a story of my best date in Japan.

It happened around ten days ago, I think, when we decided to explore Arashiyama in Western Kyoto. Although people might say that Arashiyama seem very touristy, it still could not avoid the warm, fuzzy radiance that belongs to Kyoto. Its rustic landscape, blended almost perfectly with nature, gives one an illusion of ancient Japan. She loved Kyoto the most too..

We first worked our way from the train station to the Arashiyama bamboo grove. Given the number of people who called me panda in the past, I can only say I feel at home in the bamboo grove. Pictures cannot even capture the feeling of being in it; much less words, but let me try. The bamboo grove is a pathway surrounded by very tall and lush bamboo trees. Being in its shade and smelling its fragrant, but meek scent gave me a sense of a sacred calm. We loved this place so much that we actually came back again after visiting Tenryuji.

The Tenryuji temple is also beautiful. She saw her first sakura blossom there, and we meandered through beautifully assorted trees and Buddhist structures. But I must confess that the best part of the temple visit was the vegetarian lunch we got. For 3000 Yen each, we had lunch in a traditional Japanese room. No tables, no chairs, no cushions, just a designated area for us to sit seiza-style. To the left and to the right of us are strangers, fellow Japanese people who are enjoying the same kind of lunch we are about to have. The waitress came and brought a luxurious set meal with probably more than 10 kinds of varieties of vegetarian dishes, and they tasted fantastic. It was a lot of food, and I am so proud of my date for being able to finish everything, save the rice, which I happily gobbled up (In Japan, it is considered bad taste and manners to leave food behind).

We decided to walk down our food by randomly exploring the nature trails in Arashiyama. We crossed a magnificent lake, and were very close to visiting a monkey park (which I tease my date a lot about), until we found out that admission was not free. My date and I then decided to browse some stores to potentially get some souvenirs. Kyoto is very famous for their sweets, and after half an hour of strolling we got enough free samples to make up for our lunch's lack of desserts.

After we sampled and bought (yes, we're not that cheap haha) enough stuff, we still had a few hours left, and thus we decided to follow this sign which says "Great view! 1km".We ignored the fact that the sign brought us into wilderness, that the trail was getting higher and steeper. But thank goodness we did follow the trail, because it led us to a hidden shrine, up high in a mountain and covered by trees. When she told me that it was a beautiful sight, I thought to myself that the view was almost as pretty as her smile then. When she told me that she enjoyed the sound of the flowing river, I thought to myself that it was almost as enjoyable as hearing her soft voice. I sat next to her, brushed her shoulder, and gave it a light kiss.

She gave me a good slap on my face. Just kidding, she smiled at me warmly.

We went back to the station afterward. And oh, along the way she spotted a shop that sells roasted sweet potato flavored ice cream. I'll never forget its marvelous taste, and how she loved it so much.

Thanks, I had fun!

Nankurunaisa

Hey how is everyone doing? I just wanted to give you all a slight update from Osaka.

Isn't the title of this post lovely? Hehe. So, as explained in the very first post, Nankurunaisa is an Okinawan phrase which roughly translates to "everything will be well in the end". I did not elaborate it as clearly back then, but I took this phrase from a Japanese manga I was reading. This blog started around my first year of Junior College in Singapore, and it wasn't the easiest of years. I desperately needed warmth, a hug, and encouragement back then; I myself haven't developed the capability to have faith or the optimism that conquers everything.

I saw this phrase in the piece of comic I was reading, and I was touched. Things felt a little better just by possibly thinking that everything might be well in the end. All is not lost. And hence the blog -- I wanted to share the comfort, and if through my writing I can make my readers smile and laugh; if I can make them think that in the end, everything might be well, I have fulfilled the purpose of this blog.

To be honest, my times here hasn't been that easy either. The lack of academic challenges is compensated by challenges from other areas. Yet, somehow, some way or another, I have been able to take it easier. At the darkest times, I have, somehow, demonstrated faith. And with that, comes gratitude, and the will to live on. The joy, the wonder, to experience life, and have fun with it.

Every time we die, we are reborn again. Yet, not everything is lost; we retain our lessons and dispositions. Thus, it is our sole duty to enjoy the process; living and reliving entails a lot of pain and sadness, but we must not forget the happiness, joys, and merry too. After all, for a diamond to shine bright, it has to endure hellish flames and pressures. And we do, after a while, get better real fast.

Nankurunaisa. One of my housemates, Eigen-san, is actually someone from Okinawa. One day, he was having a friendly chat with another housemate, and I heard him saying: "Nankurunaisa." I have never expected to hear the word being spoken in my whole life, since Okinawa is so far removed from myself. I was so glad that Nankurunaisa is a real word, it's not something that the author of the comic made up. I am so glad that (yokatta...) that there has come a day where I actually hear the words that mean so much to me, that inspired this series of musings. Yokatta.. Thank you..

I shook my head in disbelief, asked Eigen-san to repeat the word again, gave him a high five and a hug. After all, I heard it when I needed to hear it the most. When I needed, again, to be told that everything will be well in the end.

Thank you, Eigen.

Now I know better why I was sent to Japan.

Osaka

Hi again readers (if any), hahaha

Today is my seventh day in Osaka, Japan. How is it going, you ask? I'm fine, as always.. First of all, I am healthy and safe. I am surrounded by amazing housemates and friends, and I am taken care of by wonderful program directors and landlords. I am starting to believe that everywhere I go, there are guardian angels protecting me, and as long as I am not too reckless, I will be nudged towards the right path. Anyways, I just got back from the gym, and I am blogging as I wait for the dinner with a friend at eight.. So here goes!

This program I am participating is called CET Osaka, and one of it's special features is the fact that we get to live with a specially assigned Japanese roommate. I live in a 8-person house (4 American students, 4 Japanese roommates), and my roommate, Shouta-kun, lives in the room right next to me. First of all, this semester might not be as academically intense as Amherst, but this semester really taught me to live. Japan is a very sophisticated society to navigate in, whose members have very little tolerance for people who deviate from the social norm.

I am currently in the midst of settling down, trying to better improve my communication skills with my Japanese roommates, and figuring out the dos and the don'ts of living in Japan. In the past seven days, I have learned that, among other things: 1) It is unacceptable to eat anything rice-based and walk (although something as tiny as sushi or onigiri) in Japan, but it is okay to eat bread while walking. 2) Phones are forbidden in the gym, even if you only use it to listen to music. MP3 players are cool though. 3) In the event of an earthquake, you need to rush to open a window or a door. There are further things that I haven't learned properly yet, like how to throw out trash. There are designated days in the week to dispose garbage, and on different times you can only throw out certain things. You have to use a clear plastic bag, and you may not put the garbage the night before.

If Singapore is a fine city, where order is kept through punitive measures and cost-prohibitive fines, Japan's order is maintained from social pressure and norms. From silent, judgmental stares to blatant criticism, the middle aged people here seem to try their best to make sure that everyone else is doing things the way it's supposed to be done. Of course, it's the society's business. Children here are taught to put the collective before the individual, and to always be mindful of how one's actions might impact others. That is not to say that everyone follows the rules. Occasionally, we get to see the oddball who slurps his cup ramen casually in the train, or older Japanese workers throwing up on the side of the street after drinking stupor.

Thus, it has been an interesting experience. I am starting to understand why a lot of people feel that living in the Japanese society is stressful, and I have an inkling that the Japanese people might care even more about their 'face' than the Chinese people. But yes, this is a place where I can be as polite as much as I would like to be and find someone who is even more polite. And yes, this is a place where I get to bow to other people and instead of getting judged, I get a bow back. It feels pretty nice!

Thank you,

Surabaya

Ahh.. Some things never really change, do they?

I am born-and-bred a metropolitan boy, but my dad actually grew up in Surabaya, Indonesia's second largest city.. (which was unfortunately the city of origin of the recent Airasia plane incident.) I am lucky, very lucky, that my dad relented to my mom and moved to Jakarta before they had me.

I grew up having the privileges of living in a capital city, but at least once a year, during the Chinese New Year, I will have to be forced to go to Surabaya, to visit my paternal granddad and my dad's side of family. Surabaya is rustic, and rusty; I have never had good memories of visiting her. Surabaya was always filled with mosquitoes and poor bedding, with noisy cousins who speak Bahasa Indonesia with a weird accent. Family relations were full of tension at best; sometimes the fuse would blow up. I remember always dreading my visit there, and I always looked forward to go to the airport to fly back to Jakarta.

When it was my turn to study to the States, with it came with the right (and later it became a burden) to not go back home during Chinese New Year. It was a fair deal to me, in the beginning, at least. I called back home and wished them happy Chinese New Year, and it would save me the hassle of going to Surabaya and meeting extended relatives I barely know.

My grandpa then fell severely ill around two months back. It was suffice to say that he needed to be flown to Singapore in a chartered plane for an emergency procedure, and let's just say that the doctors pulled a miracle and gave him a second life.

I could never communicate properly with my grandpa. He immigrated to Surabaya from 厦门 in his teens, and went straight to work instead of going to school. As a result, he spoke a mixture of Bahasa, Javanese, 闽南话， and 普通话。Given the fact that I never understood 闽南话 and I only learned 普通话 two years ago, I am very pleased of myself if I can understand fifty percent of what my granddad is saying. Most of the time, though, the words that come out from his mouth seemed like gibberish, and if I'm lucky I my dad or my aunts would translate his words for me. If not, I would just nod politely, smile, and attempt to come up with something that was tangential to his questions and remarks.

My granddad isn't the easiest person to get along with, either. He isn't the most patient or polite of people; and he is very stubborn. There was some life decisions he made that his kids would never have condoned. I haven't been able to appreciate him up until this moment. It is a pity that such is human nature, only when you realize something is scarce and about to be taken away you start to value it. My grandpa's hard work was the reason I am living my life comfortably and travelling around the world right now. He survived on powdered milk, tap water, and 馒头s when he crossed the South China Sea to avoid persecution. He was open-minded (and wealthy) enough to send my dad to USA for his tertiary education. He named me 林耀宗，and thus the duty is on me to make his name fragrant. (I am his eldest inner grandson)

I remembered how, when I was small I stayed in Surabaya, I couldn't sleep well and went downstairs. Granddad was watching television, and he taught me how to open and eat 葵花子s. I also remembered when I was studying in Singapore, he would come occasionally and treat me to very good meals in Orchard Paragon's Crystal Jade, his favorite restaurant. Funniest is when he told me to get some fried rice for myself as he saw I was losing a lot of weight due to the stress in Singapore. He assured me that the fried rice is cheap, and the "cheap" fried rice turned out to be from... din tai fung. Hahahahaha

As I visited his home yesterday evening, and the first thing he told me and my dad was to climb to the second floor and pray to our ancestors. Afterwards, I sank in his sofa, I noticed how time seems to be immortalized in his house. I was sitting on the same sofa that I sat on fifteen years ago, looking at the same newspaper clippings on his mahogany table, and watching from the very same television. I have grown into an adult, into a man who felt compelled to show his grandpa a picture of his girlfriend on his phone. At the same time, I felt that these rusticness grounds me; it keeps me rooted, it makes me remember who I am.. Or at least who I have been.

My granddad was very healthy compared to two months ago. We had a dimsum this morning, and then we took him to stroll in a nearby mall. However, some things about his house really changed.. It started with the broken water and piping systems, and then this time a lot of his house's lighting wasn't working. If a person's dwellings signify his life, this does not bode well.. I am very grateful for whatever time I have left with him, and I am very grateful for the opportunity of seeing him once more before I leave for Japan in two weeks' time.

However, I cannot keep myself from wondering.. if, upon his departure, will I cut all my ties with Surabaya? The only compelling reason to visit this place will only be nostalgia, and we all know that we must not look at the rear view mirror too often if we are to drive a car forward. Nonetheless, I am grateful to be back. I get to see my solid roots, and I will never forget them. And I hope I can do you proud, grandpa. Hopefully I get to see you again.. Love you.

Yours,
林耀宗

Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to convey even a tenth of this to my own grandpa. I will probably never have the opportunity to. However, I believe that some things are better left unsaid, and some words are meant to be unspoken...