I Want to Know what I Want

Hi readers -

Last day in Jakarta before I fly back to New York tonight, and let me start with the punchline: I had a blast, learned a lot, and am immensely grateful that I had the opportunity to take such a long break from work to visit home, family, and friends.

I landed into Jakarta's T3 airport the first time on the fifth of January, and that was slightly over two years since I visited my birthplace. The fifteen or so days since has been well-spent, with me being able to enjoy solitary down-time, unproductive easing, and a plethora of family time toward the tail-end. While I maintain that relaxing, watching the rain from my home's balcony, and playing with Mocchi (my family's white/brown Pomeranian) dog is equally important and interesting, let me dedicate this post to three buckets of, if you will, objectives that I had in mind when I first started my vacation. Also! I have been running and gymming and generally keeping fit throughout this vacation, so props to me! Yay.

The big three goals are soul seeking, network-preneurship, and asset management. I think I met and or exceeded expectations in all three, especially the network-preneurship aspect, and I am very happy about it!

I read a lot of Abraham Hicks and some Neale Donald Walsch this vacation. Did not meditate as much as I would've liked, but most importantly I was able to identify positive feelings, and deliberately offer thoughts, gently guiding me to become happier and attract outcomes that are more in-line with whatever my higher self desires. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Mbak Mary, Priscilla, and Suhu. Through them, I learned to conquer my worries, express myself more fully, and confidently stride to the future while always giving my best.

Asset management was simple - learned from Om Ian that the VC/startup bubble is probably bursting, while perpetually investing in evergreens, companies that would continue to exist as long as Americans exist, is probably the way to go. Updated my annual/quarterly balance sheet, and finally made some conservative asset-class bets in Singapore. Learned that UBS CIO does a stellar job analyzing the APAC economy and the potential technological innovations in the area.

Network-preneurship was a long, fruitful story - made me realize that there is a wealth of opportunities and interesting people to work with/for here, and made me realize that I am blessed with an abundance of network and people who are very very successful and enjoying what they do, even as I have been away for so long (and will probably be!). From the career side, I caught up with two of my Singaporean lawyer friends, and was introduced to an economic consultant in Singapore (obv, a rival firm - nascent opportunities for the litigation consulting field in ASEAN). Tech side is as equally interesting, me seeing Jason and hearing about his flexible lifestyle, working remotely while networking and contributing as a speaker and learning something new everyday, and then learning that this random Singaporean dude who sat next to me is a CTO of an Indonesian student loan startup, and that he has been really interested in poaching Jason. Throughout the trip, he encouraged me to come home and start something new, to keep on learning and not to be snared by the mediocrity trap. Who knew that in the end Jason and I would be visiting his headquarters in Thamrin for lunch. Who knew that the startup scene in Jakarta was so booming.

Two more encounters deserve honorable mention: 1) The late night, three-hour long phone call with Aditya Renaldi, my old friend from middle school whom I haven't seen for eight-or-so years. As he detailed his life's twists and turns, "sampe nangis-nangis terharu, wkwkwk", he was able to come to the conclusion that life is interesting - when he was so desperate for jobs and worried about his career he simply couldn't find one, but when he wasn't looking for them, he got two very amazing opportunities. I didn't tell him this, but folks, this is the law of attraction in action. 2) A wonderful dinner with Indira, who told me that her online media company is already using the human labeling factory to mass-produce training sets for machine learning, and that her boyfriend is actually running a successful advertising startup by putting small adverts on the back of motorcycles. What is fascinating about her boyfriend's story is that he has previously worked in a very lucrative career in a bank, and yet after four or five years working he left everything to start something of his own. And that he is highly ambitious, clearing the CFA easily and then wanting to get a higher education, always working super hard and giving the best, consciously avoiding the comfort zone.

But yes, this trip has been wonderful for many reasons, I have learned a lot, and I can say for sure that there are plenty of amazing people and opportunities here. We shall see.

EDIT:
The advice given to me, who claims to not know what he wants, is to routinely affirm to myself: "I want to know what I want."

Seeing my family and friends living their lives here definitely made me clearer toward knowing what I want. I want the freedom in terms of time and money, I want the health and fitness, I want the strong, meaningful, and beautiful relationships and community, I want to contribute and be impactful, I want to keep on learning and be at the leading-edge of knowledge, and I want discipline, generosity, courage, and an impeccable character and values.

Golden Ray

So...

This post is a reminder to my future-self while he is in New York, working and being busy, and perhaps starting to fill in with negativity (or at least, taking things for granted). I hope he will remember to pause, go to his own blog, and remember where he is coming from.

It started with a small thought and a simple worry: "What if I couldn't come back to the States on time?"

And instead of thinking the more positive, healthier alternative, I continued to feed the demon. I started to prepare for contingency plans, sharing my worry to my co-workers and managers, and even to my parents. I started having second thoughts about taking the vacation which I planned months in advance. I started to worry for no reason, even though I am and have always been in full compliance with the relevant laws and regulations.

When my appointment with the American Embassy came up, I met three other young, similarly aged Indonesian friends who were applying for the same visa as I do. I actually have previously met one of them in Singapore, and easily made friends with the other two. And yup, the three of them went ahead of me. They were very relaxed and calm, and guess what, their visas were approved on the spot! And mine.... needed additional checking. With the government shutdown, I feared for the worst.

I knew that all my worrying and ruminating has led to this outcome, and from the bottom of my heart I genuinely wanted to go back to the States, and continue learning and working there. Of course, I shared my worry with my family and friends, but I decided to trust the process and pretended that everything will go as planned. A couple thought models truly helped, such as Neale Donald Walsch's law of the Opposites, and Abraham Hicks' workshopping process, where I listed what I wanted, why I wanted it, and why I believe I can allow what I wanted to come to my life. Plus, I received a wonderful advice and prayer from my spiritual mentor, Mary Susaktiani, who I deeply respect and adore. I steadfastly held to the vision of me hugging my friends and coworkers back in New York, and focused on living on the moment and making the best out of my vacation here (and I have a bunch of wonderful amazing stories, which I will post a bit later). I even talked to myself, and playfully imagined meeting my friends in Singapore before I flew back to New York.

Voila! You know the ending! We manifest our thoughts and feelings, but we have the buffer of time on our side. And the power of positive thoughts and feelings (those that simply make you feel good) is so much more significant than the negative ones. So thank goodness!

"Selama dua kaki masih memijak bumi, semesta pasti akan mendukung dan membantu"

I submitted my passport on the first Monday I reached Jakarta, and despite the "additional checks", got a notification that my visa has been approved and ready on Thursday night that week, and I picked it up on Friday just fine. You can't imagine my relief and happiness as I opened the packet and saw the visa printed on my passport, you can't imagine my gratitude that I can continue to work and learn and contribute in the States! Flew to Singapore the next day (Saturday), and indeed saw my friends as I imagined.

Future self, gentle reminder to calm yourself down and have faith, and to be deliberate with your thoughts and feelings and what you are paying attention to.

To be continued,

Anastasia

Hello readers!

I think I've mentioned in a past post (tried looking for the post but it seems that it was from a long while back) that a while back I texted my first ever crush and said hi.

Guess what - today I finally met her for dinner, after not meeting her for probably a good nine or ten years. I texted her on Instagram, telling her I was visiting Jakarta, and asked her if she was willing to catch up at some point. She immediately accepted, and off we went for dinner.

My romantic interest in her has a rather interesting history. I met her during my first year of middle school because we happened to be in the same class, and we initially hated each others' guts. I was the bold, uncaring, and strict class leader, and probably she just despised me due to me being a general teacher's pet. And then toward the end of the first year, she suddenly asked for my forgiveness out of the blue. From that point onward, she always smiled so cheerfully as she called out my name.

Slowly but surely, my heart gave way, and I became smitten.

So smitten in fact that I would try to find excuses to visit her classroom during recess (we got re-assigned to different classes during our second and third year),

That I got super heart broken when I learned that she was dating another guy the following year,

That I low-key would make sure that everyday before I go home, I would detour to where she would regularly took the bus, in hopes that I would "accidentally" bump into her.

Well - I am glad that I got to catch up with her. Her fiery personality still doesn't change! She is a successful designer now, and it seems that she's enjoying her work! Yup... She is single right now, but I think I am smitten with someone else... ;)