Hazelnut Gaze

I don't know if you remember but there was this one warm, cloudy night, where I selfishly came to you and asked you for a favor. We were chatting and giggling in your studio. I'm not certain if we were a glass or two in, but I asked:

"Can we look into each others' eyes for a few.. and just do as such.. and nothing else? No words, no touch, no teasing..."

And you lent me the sight of your big, round, gorgeous hazelnut eyes. How did this color elude me? It took me about three seconds to be bewitched, and about ten to wish that this was eternity. I am grateful that I had the audacity to ask for this favor. Out of the roller coaster ride of knowing you, this was when I realized I felt truly connected with you. Your unblinking gaze showed me the warmth of your soul, and unveiled me, right before my eyes, the woman I loved so dearly.

I am pretty sure you were trying your best to hold back your laughter during that moment (I appreciate that you didn't make silly faces, btw, like how you often squint your eyes inward together, looking really silly while making a weird "pupupu" noise. Haha) You even teased me ("Did my pupils dilate?"), but I never knew what you really thought.

But I do know what my thoughts were, and here is what I never expressed. That instance made me truly grateful to have known you, to have been by your side, to have loved and been loved by you - even if it was wrong, even if it was tearful at times, even if it was ephemeral. That moment reminded me and made me understood even deeper of what I truly appreciated in you. Mind you, there is a lot, and I mean it, a lot, to be appreciated of you. I wrote you a list of a hundred things, but I'm very certain I can write a hundred, or even a thousand more, easily. Amidst the sweet words, the gifts, and the touch we've exchanged, I realize that I've connected with you like I have never before with anybody else. Now I understand why your presence put me to ease, yet invigorates me at the same time. Now I understand why even though we fought a lot, somehow things would recover and be well again. Now I understand why, even if we are far and physically far apart, our paths shall cross again someday. It's because you are one helluva incredible person, and this almost karmic-esque connection, that is more valuable than diamonds and gold, that we have.

So, I wish you all the success out there, Sichun :) Thank you for defining my first year in New York, thank you for always motivating me to be a better version of myself, and most importantly, thank you for being such a great company. Goodbye, for now, and maybe someday we'll do that staring contest again. And I'll win no matter what, this time, even if I have to make funny faces. Hehehehe.

Take care now,