Let me start by saying that I am a nerd, or a mugger (whichever you prefer) for a reason. When I first hit puberty, I realized that I am not handsome, nor do I possess a flair at sports. So I told myself, hey, you must study hard, and you must be nice! I sort of thought that no girl wants an ugly guy who is mean, stupid, and atrocious at sports. At least I can be a bit smarter and nicer than the others! So I worked my ass off, paid attention in classes, handed in my assignments and projects on time, and revised a bit harder for examinations than the rest. I also became very nice, smiled and laughed more often, offered listening ears and understanding to my friends (especially the pretty girls :D). However, much to my disappointment, my propensity to study and my zeal did not get me a date. It got me a scholarship to Singapore instead.
So, having learned my lesson, I fell in love with a girl, who is way out of my league and would never love me back, and let it be. Prima facie, I was depressed when I realized that she will never be mine, and that this feeling is not mutual. However, after undergoing a lot of reflection, I am very glad and thankful that I fell for this girl. She is the kind of girl who I can look back in ten years time and still be proud of falling for her, not the kind of girl you'd regret, or even be ashamed of falling for.
Moreover, there is a plethora of other benefits: I am usually reserved in front of girls, as I'm afraid that if I loosen up I would turn them off. However, now I do not care anymore, and thence I become more self-confident! I used to be nice, hoping that girls would be attracted. Now I can choose to be mean whenever I feel like it! I used to study so that people think that I am smart, now I study because I am interested in whatever I am studying. I deter unwanted girls from liking me, because I have someone in my mind; conversely girls who are afraid of me falling for them now do not -- allowing me to befriend more girls. Should I be attracted to another girl, I would have a high bar of expectations before falling for the girl, only the best would pass the filter. However, the best part is still having an awesome story of conquest to share to my closest friends :)
You may ask, won't liking a girl distract me from my studies? Well, she crept in my mind during the promotional examination period, but I still did fairly well :) Honestly, I became even more fired up in studying. Well, its the thing about Asian mindset, you see: The guy must be smarter than the girl he likes. And she is... intelligent. So all the more I had to do well! Thus, my good grades can actually be credited to her :)
Today, I am able to come in terms with the fact that I fell for this girl, and I will not feel guilty or depressed anymore. I finally see the light, the blessing in disguise for all this misery, and set myself free from the prison I created.
And.. If by any chance, you are reading this, allow me to apologize for loving you, and giving you so much trouble! I promise that I will say sorry to you properly someday.. Thanks for giving me the long-lost drive to rise up from my bed every morning, the curious pleasure of travelling around the school alone, hoping to 'accidentally' bump into you, and also the jolts that make my heart skips a beat or two :) Loving you have been a blast, and no, no need to love me back. Thank you for everything! :)
Forever yours truly,
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