I once tweeted: "To have faith is probably the most difficult thing to do."
As I am walking down this path, one of the things I discover I am developing is this sense of self-confidence. It is something I lack, and my awareness of it was highlighted after I came to the States. To a certain extent, being self-confident is to have faith in yourself. in your capabilities. in your roots, or your essence, as a human being. in your potential.
It used to be difficult to have such faith. A paradigm shift was ordered, but a physical affirmation helped a great deal. In other words, I am experiencing the whole "act confident and you'll be confident" thingy.
I recall a little more than four years ago, a few days after term 3 of Secondary 3 ended, I participated in a 5-day OBS kayaking trip. It was probably one of the milestones in Singapore which still affects the me now. It was physically rigorous, I have never walked for hours carrying more than 20kg load on my back, I never kayaked for almost 12 hours, learned how to deal with disputes, conflicts, lost belongings, stresses, alienation (I was the only Indonesian in the group). I learned how to appreciate cooked food (we had bread for breakfast and lunch, canned food for dinner), thus I had heaps and heaps of beehoon with sausages when we finally had cooked food. We survived on very little sleep (3-4 hours) and when we were out camping, there were no restrooms, so we need to dig up a hole when we needed to do business. We slept through a storm and woke up with flooded tents. Our instructor was fasting (it was Ramadan) but passed out food nonetheless. Being unable to do any pullups before the trip and being able to do four in a row afterwards. It was a week, as I look back, designed to provide me a crash course in my development. I remember how I promised myself to be more courageous and assertive. Thus I was the first to take a plunge into the cold ocean at dawn.
However, most importantly, is how I learned courage. When we were kayaking across the strait dividing Singapore and Malaysia, a storm was brewing. The sky broke open and the lightning cracked, with the winds and waves all roaring. There were around twenty of us, and we were out there and vulnerable.
Thus, we had no choice but to be brave. I remember telling myself: "Straighten your back, enjoy the ride, and plunge in. Have faith, we can make it."
And thus we cheered upon one another, pedaled with every ounce of our might, and reached the shore safely. Had any of us hesitated, we might have capsized, surrendering ourselves to the stormy seas.
I remember thinking: "If I survived this, and I am brave enough to face this, what else is there I will lack courage to face? What else is there I can't survive?"
The Universe seems to have realized that I have forgotten this lesson, and thus she told me to straighten up my back and be taller through Tango. As I mull over the straightening of my back, I realize what I need to have: confidence and decisiveness as a humankind. Again, I don't need to apologize all the time, I don't need to justify all my actions. I can take risks, and things can turn out very well. I shall now remember, and now own, that physical affirmation truly leads to internal changes as well!
In short, this equation summarizes it: belief + physical affirmation = confidence of truth.
confidence of truth + harmony with nature = universal truth.
I shall uncover these philosophical equations someday. Nonetheless, I come to realize the importance of gratitude in my development as well. I have learned, a few days ago, to drink what my developed friends call "the happiness tea". I have no idea if I am doing it right, but I have a hazy notion of the origins of the name.
Nonetheless, now before I drink tea (now extended to consuming anything), I make an affirmation: "May the one who drinks this tea become happy." And as I work my way through the tea, I gradually become happier, because I give thanks for each sip of the tea. Gratitude is an inevitable component of happiness, and is also probably the most powerful force (along with love) in shaping your world and destiny. I believe other affirmations would work too, therefore it is a bad idea to drink your tea when you are angry.
Okay, now I shall have my cup of happiness tea. Where did I get these inspirations, you ask? I should say, from the blessings of the sky. It popped up inside my head as I began to see patterns. And I am increasingly grateful for this development.
Truly Indonesia's Finest,
w/ compassion