som nee ya

Hello hello,

It has been a while. I have been *neglecting* this part of my life, where I think and reflect and ponder upon my life. But now I am back at it as I am sitting in a cafe called Broken Coconut in Bleeker Street, watching a man on a Rumble jacket stringing along his dog while shaking his ass to some classy music.

This is really night and day from my experience in Jakarta (yes, I just got back from a longish vacation back home and Bali, granting myself the necessary time to catch up with my family). As usual, time back home was typically slower (though not necessarily more or less stressful or eventful) hence it offered me a space to reflect and internalize new thoughts and discarding or reintegrating old systems and beliefs.

Alright, instead of writing stories about back home, please indulge me as I try to clarify - largely for my own benefit - the ideas/concepts/mental models that I am experimenting with.

First, according to Emily Fletcher (my current meditation guru), per the Vedas there are always three circles - circles of creation, maintenance, and destruction. If my memory serves me right, this flows with the Hindu gods of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva. The essence of the teaching is as follows: the Universe is expanding, and therefore it supports the endeavor of creation. Maintenance is squarely followed by destruction, and therefore the universe doesn't like it when we just stay stagnating. Now, she also offered that instead of judging something as positive or negative, she invites us to see if that thing (or that aspect of our lives) is in the phase of creation, maintenance, or destruction. All of us have multiple facets to our lives and it's definitely alright for an aspect, say, this blog (hehehe) be on the destruction (or neglect) phase as I focus on creating on the other aspects of my life, be it my physical health (through WildFit!) or my spirituality (through Ziva!).

This really squares nicely into the next idea- what was coined a Barbell method by Nasim Nicholas Taleb in his book Antifragile. Essentially, having two extremes as a way to achieve a balance is a much better way to go than having everything in middling or in moderation. Eric Edmeades from WildFit also said that everything in moderation includes your health- thus the Barbell method to health would probably be intermittent fasting (periods of noneating followed by overeating), and the idea that having five glasses of wine in one day is healthier than having one glass of wine everyday for five days (not that I encourage binge drinking, but hey it's a free country). So now, in line with my spiritual advisor's encouragement (Mbak Mary Susaktiani), I intend to apply the barbell concept to my other areas of life as well, especially in terms of socializing, trying something new, and moving out of my comfort zone. If all organics are antifragile, i.e. benefits from randomness, shocks, and variability, surely something new every so often would rejuvenate and strengthen my being. Perhaps it shall give me the spice of life that I am after.

Last is the idea that we are all one, we are extensions of the Universe in which we are acting as its tool in which we experience and enjoy life. This also means that we are not at the driver seat of our buses, but at the same time there is the Universe who focuses squarely and positively at you and holds you onto its loving attention (per Abraham Hicks) and who has got your back and gives you what you need and maybe not quite what you want (per Srikumar Rao). What follows is then loosely gripped but clear desires, surrender, using feeling, clarity, and intuition as a guide, and then treating others as how you would want to treat yourself- all the while rejoicing, growing, creating, and having tons of fun because the only time we have is now, from the beginning of time through the eternity. Something that I am grappling with personally is therefore that as people have their stories (and co-create in them) and allotted fortunes (rejeki), they would have allotted emotions and feelings. I have been taught that the way to do anything and everything is to first accept it, acknowledge it, and surrender to it. After we follow them to their natural course and conclusion, as we become clearer and clearer on what we want, we are then free to manifest change. We have the power to make the Universe even more perfect, but before doing so we must recognize that it has already been perfect and always will be.

And now I understand- I resolve to take it easy and to enjoy and to take risks and be adventurous, to follow my gut, to be open to all kinds of experiences, to be soft-spoken and gracious and grateful but to have a firm will and a solid understanding that everything has been, is, and will be alright (this is bliss, vs happiness) and to have very clear and strong desires and intentions and responsibility, integrity, and self-respect but to have them loosely held.

And thus, I march forward.