To Care

When I started practicing Buddhism, I came across a wonderful and inspirational book by Ajahn Brahm, titled "Opening the Door of Your Heart". There are a lot of interesting stories that made its mark on me, and I sincerely recommend you readers to get the book, whether or not you are a practicing Buddhist. The book is a compilation of delightful stories about happiness and life, and if the author's name was hidden, one would not suspect that it was written by a monk!

Anyway, there is a story that struck me that I wanted to discuss today. Ajahn Brahm claims that the story was taken from Leo Tolstoy's, and in the story, there was a king who was seeking wisdom. After numerous years of study, the king realized that all the important stuff in life can be answered in three questions:

1. When is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing to do?

And eventually, as the story goes, the king was saved from assassination as he adhered to the principles he learned from the answers to the questions. Anyway, I am not here today to discuss the story, so I shall skip the answers for questions number 1 and 2. Readers, I challenge you to figure out the answer yourself.. Or I might just do a blog post on them in the future. Stay tuned :)

Anyway, I wanted to discuss question number 3, which answer is written as the title of the post. Yes, the most important thing to do is to care. In his book, Ajahn Brahm skipped the explanation of why 'to care' is the most important thing to do; Instead, he attempted to illustrate the importance of caring through other anecdotes. I personally didn't quite get the anecdotes, and I have been reflecting hard on why 'to care' precedes everything else.

Today, it finally dawned on me that 'to care' does indeed precede everything else. As part of my self-motivation and self-improvement, whenever I feel unhappy, I stop blaming or complaining. Instead, I pull myself out of the state of being reactive, and start to be proactive by asking myself "why am I unhappy?" and then "what do I want to do?" I am no longer a victim. I am a creator.

However, when I reflected further, I realize that I am at my happiest state when other people around me care about me, and also when I have people I care about. Whenever I feel that people care about me, I feel warm, I feel alive, I feel that life is worth living. As a student studying overseas in different schools and countries, it just dawned on me that my happiest moments are when I have finally established a group of friends whom I care about and who care about me back.

When I was in SJI, among other people, Christian truly cared about me. It was my two exes in Raffles, with Michael and a few other bunch. It was Ricky, Sheila, Kodor, and Christian again when I was in BLCU, and finally, it was Shanghui when I was in Amherst last year. (I know I skipped Princeton in Beijing, but then my roommate and a couple of other special ladies cared about me, so I was in good hands).

So now, at least I know what I want. I want to care more about other people, and I want people to care more about me. Caring about other people doesn't necessarily mean that you have to see them and hang out with them everyday. Giving space to your friends when they need space is caring too. Even being angry, or turning a cold shoulder, can be a form of caring too. As long as these actions are done with the betterment of the other person in mind. And no, being stressed and burnt out does not stem from overwork. Stress and burn-outs truthfully stem from the lack of connection and intimacy with the people around you, because there is no caring/being cared about exchange that is desperately needed by everyone.

I believe that if I care about other people, others will reciprocate, and now it is high time for me to manifest my beliefs.

Truly Indonesia's Finest,