No More Mr. Perfect

Hey readers,

It's been a while, kind of? I had a wonderful time in Chicago the past weekend, and I have been catching up (and cooking on gas while at it) on school work. Even though I was tremendously sad and frustrated that my code never compiled properly during the competition, I had two great encounters there (on top of El Jefe, Deep Dish, Millennium Park, etc..). First was a trader from Structured Trading named Jeremy, who asked me to run by him my algorithm strategy for options market making. He liked my strategy, gave me some great advice, and asked for my resume and for me to keep in touch, etc.. I think I almost got a job ;)

Secondly, I visited 3Red's office for a poker tournament after the competition. Although I did not win, I did meet an interesting trader who goes by Amin. We had a great discussion about his observations, which includes how when one gives up, surrenders, and stops giving f****s, life would magically turn around for the better. I ended up recommending him a book (Abraham Hicks' Ask and You Shall Receive), and he also recommended me a book titled No More Mr. Nice Guy.

The biggest takeaway from No More Mr. Nice Guy is that trying to be perfect and flawless, and trying to please everyone in order to maintain good relationships is just going to bring your frustration in the end. I should remember that it is okay to stand up for myself, it's okay to be less than perfect, it's okay to let other people know if I am upset. The book author argues that it's probably better (and healthier) to express whatever discontent/negative emotions and then letting go of them rather than keeping it bottled up and pretending that everything is fine in order to gain and secure other people's approval. (Again, this is a form of insecurity - that you need to always maintain perfect, great relationships and always be super nice and so on so forth in order to be approved).

Tack on the discussion from the blog post in Nov 2015 titled Approval - which reminded me that one of my spiritual friends back home has already touched on my desire to be perfect and to keep perfectly harmonious relationships, and how they are holding back my progress. Also, this summer, one of my spiritual friends again reminded me that it is perfectly fine, perfectly okay, to disregard everything, put yourself first, and stand your ground, even if it means that you are crashing into different things along the way. In fact, perhaps you might even have to do that every once in a while to maintain other people's respect.

I did just exactly that when I expressed my frustration at my computer science professor and one of my teammates today. I felt that they did not understand where my concern came from, which is the lack of proper communication and not following through things that have been agreed upon. What escalated my emotions were that the response from the said professor was less than respectful - she was focusing on defending herself instead of hearing me out. Therefore, frustration grows into anger.

I am always a firm believer in communicating openly and clearly, with logic and facts first. However, I am human too - unfortunately I have yet to evolve into a being that is completely immune from frustration and anger. And hence I expressed it, and I am grateful for the opportunity to express it. It was a form of communication, a form of self-expression, and it is brilliant that I am finally learning to express myself. I am learning to fight well, to hold my ground, and to put myself first. I showed courage.

Now, of course I am hardwired to not feel great about being angry, about being overly worried if I would harm relationships, make myself look bad, etc etc. Also frustration and anger thoughts are not great because they make you feel not great, and these thoughts probably attract not-so-great thoughts too. However, I increasingly believe that I was responsible for attracting such scenario, and that event was necessary for my own emotional growth. I also needed myself to reaffirm that I am going to put myself first.

It is okay to not be perfect. No, not even no more Mr. Nice Guy. Say hello to no more Mr. Perfect.

Besides, why so serious, anyways? We're all but actors in the world stage :)

Now it leaves me with an afterthought, one more piece to reflect on: Was putting up a fight the right response? Can putting up a fight ever be one?

I shall assess it by considering what my self-principle says about putting up a fight, and considering what the actual outcomes are. Thereafter I would be able to adjust my self-principles accordingly. Putting up a fight just because I feel like it feels so whimsical. It also feels that way when one becomes emotional in response of disrespect or other people's emotions. However, my self-principle remains intact: I need to stand up for myself, otherwise who will? Answering the question of necessity: If putting up a fight and getting emotional are necessary means to an end, then unquestionably doing so is justified. If they do not, then they are less justifiable.

For the benefit of my personal growth and my future self - wouldn't it be cool if you grow to the point that you can always keep your cool but hold your ground, stand up for yourself, and calmly dissect your opponents? Wouldn't it be cool if I can just calmly go about proceeding to explain my concerns or misgivings with the express aim of getting toward the goal? And this is for myself, I want a self like this - it does not stem from the desire to gain anyone's approval whatsoever. Meanwhile, I shall duly note that it's alright not to be the Mr. Perfect - and it's perfectly fine to express emotions as I work toward becoming a better version of myself.

Peace,