I find writing an invaluable way to organize my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When I have the luxury of time, and am facing against a calamity of feelings, it really helps to sit down and write to straighten up my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I have to first begin by saying that I am grateful, because right now, I am bombarded by a set of beautiful feelings and emotions. I think I am in love, or at the tipping point of it. However, as with every episode of love, there are some yeses and a bunch of nos involved, thus this entry can be seen as an attempt to convince myself to not start anything?
Different people have different ways of measuring the state 'being in love', just as different people attribute different things to success. For me, it's simple, really. Two biggest indicators (around 5% margin of error) would be 1) somebody whose presence I am really comfortable with and really enjoy, and who I crave for when the lady is not around. I miss her warmth. 2) somebody whose face would appear, and would be really difficult to shake off, when I shut my eyes just before I go to bed.
I drove her to eat in a Japanese restaurant in Northampton yesterday. As we happily chatted away in the midst of the commute, I asked my friend if she felt better as she bumped herself into a rack a few days ago (hahaha). I took a good look at her cheek to see if it had swollen, and as I focused and eased my gaze, all I can think of was just caressing that smooth, white skin of hers. I quickly averted my eyes back to the traffic, while realizing that a new threshold of attraction has just been crossed.
My last girlfriend was a superb, amazing one - she couldn't have set the bar higher. As I went along exploring new potential female partners, I would, consciously or subconsciously, compare the new girl with her. When reflecting, I would shut my eye, and it has always been the case that my ex would pop up into the image of my mind, instead of the new girl. I used this test to see how my friend scaled up, and to my amazement, I found myself slightly preferring her than my ex.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman chronicled two thinking systems, system 1 (fast) and system 2 (slow). System 1 responds on urges and intuition, it makes quick judgments and dictates most of our actions. Without system 1, our lives would come down to a slow grind (imagine having to deliberate if every chair is safe to sit on before sitting on it, except you extend that to every part of your life). However, system 2, the slow, meditative, but complex thinking system, allows us to tackle complexity and plan for the long-term, and without it, we wouldn't be really different from other animals in the jungle.
As such, this whole affair seems to me to be a battle between my system 1 and my system 2. My system 1 urges me to go with the flow of my feelings and emotions, while my system 2 acts as a handbrake, knowing very well that there are factors that might hurt both of us in the long-run if my system 1 runs rampant unchecked. I am living with her and some other close friends for the whole year in my senior year. I am also extremely certain that she is not romantically interested in me (although signaling might change that, but that's a separate discourse altogether). Therefore, it is the same hazard as pursuing romantic relationships with your close friends: Mess things up and you'll lose both a friend and a lover.
Every person has his or her own theme in life, similar issues that keep on recurring throughout their journey, and this interesting dilemma is probably one of mine. I let my system 1 triumph with my previous girlfriend, and perhaps this is an excellent chance, another shot, to make a different decision and see where it takes me. I did not regret making the decision last time (she was, and she still is, a wonderful woman and lover), and I have seen yesterday's event coming, miles and miles before, but for now I shall strive to deepen our friendship - making us even more comfortable with each other - and leaving it at that.
And in the event that the nonzero probability of you seeing this post procs, I just wanted to tell you that I am grateful that you are in my life right now. As we have discussed so many times, it is a wonderful feeling to be in love, and therefore I owe you because you have afforded me such a wonderful feeling. I really appreciate your softness, your ambitions, your thoughtfulness, but also, your smile and the beauty of its holder.
-R
Monday, 28 March 2016
Thursday, 10 March 2016
Farewell, Brother
From you, I understand that
/
life is fragile.
you are in a better place.
you've lived your life fully.
\
Thank you for making all of us laugh with your stories and jokes, Stephanus. Beijing was the best four months of my life so far, and you definitely played a role in it. I pray that your journey will be a safe and a smooth-sailing one, all according to God's will.
Goodbye for now, but see you again.
R
/
life is fragile.
you are in a better place.
you've lived your life fully.
\
Thank you for making all of us laugh with your stories and jokes, Stephanus. Beijing was the best four months of my life so far, and you definitely played a role in it. I pray that your journey will be a safe and a smooth-sailing one, all according to God's will.
Goodbye for now, but see you again.
R
Tuesday, 16 February 2016
Internship
It's a verbal offer, and I am waiting for it to come in writing in the next two or three days, but I am extremely grateful and elated.
After applying to more than fifty different positions, talking to at least thirty five alumni, having at least fifteen different interviews, and exactly four superdays (lengthy back-to-back interviews in a company's office) in New York, Boston, and Raleigh, I am very grateful for the opportunity to join Atalaya Capital in NYC this summer.
Future me: When you are working hard and you feel you need the motivation to keep going, this is exactly why the past me is writing this blog post. (Other than the fact that he's still kind of excited and not being able to go to bed.. haha)
A few hundred words won't justify most of my junior year that I spent on trying to secure summer opportunities, but I guess at least two superdays are worth mentioning: Credit Suisse's at Raleigh and Fidelity Investments' at Boston. For the former, I had three back-to-back interviews, which is pretty decent, apart from the fact that it was held in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is a good two hours flight away from Bradley airport. I woke up at 3 am on a Friday, drove for an hour to Bradley airport, flew into Raleigh, rented a car there, interviewed, had chicken waffles (a local delicacy, wonderful separately but kinda weird when eaten together), and flew back on the same day. I reached Amherst close to midnight. The latter was a much friendlier trip, with Boston being slightly less than two hours drive from Amherst. But I had seven back-to-back half hour interviews on that Tuesday with veterans from Fidelity, followed by two case interviews with Bain (which I did in Fidelity's office building due to time constraints), and in the midst of a total of nine interviews that whole week.
I had a total of three interviews on three separate days with Atalaya. First was Thursday, I was really lucky that I was preparing for an Investment Banking (IB) superday on Friday which required finance technicals, allowing me to perform really well in the technical aspect first round interview. The turnover was quick, I was invited to speak with a Principal (turns out to be a super amazing dude) one day after my initial interview round. Since I was having the IB superday in New York that day, I was offered to speak in the office, which was great because meeting in person allowed me to connect really well with him. Monday was the President's Day, so I was nervously waiting on Tuesday until I received a call from the HR asking if I can speak with the COO during the early evening.
After around ten minutes into the call, a miracle happened. I can't remember his words verbatim, but he said something along the lines of "You're hired. Congratulations, have a nice afternoon. Now you at least have a place to go for the 8 weeks of summer." I was elated - I still am.. After everything I went through, it feels great to finally have my skills acknowledged and to be accepted. Without batting an eyelid, I verbally accepted the offer and asked a couple of questions, including some advice. The person I was interviewing with really liked Daniel Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow, so I figure I will spend some time reading it in the coming days.
Yup, that's it, folks. It's going to be my first stint, my first real work, and it's gonna be corporate America in New York City. I am blessed, and I am excited. I resolve to make use of this opportunity to the best of my capability, and to catch up on all the things that I have put aside when I was focusing on the job hunt. I'll go ahead with my other final round interview tomorrow morning, because it'll be too late to cancel it, but I think it's not too late to cancel my other super day next week. Thank you for all your support, prayers, and blessings, dear readers.
Finally, the funniest part about Atalaya is that I received the opportunity neither from Amherst alumni nor from networking, but from registering into an internship search startup called Snap! from a Facebook advertisement. Who would've thought procrastinating on Facebook could help you launch your career?
-R
After applying to more than fifty different positions, talking to at least thirty five alumni, having at least fifteen different interviews, and exactly four superdays (lengthy back-to-back interviews in a company's office) in New York, Boston, and Raleigh, I am very grateful for the opportunity to join Atalaya Capital in NYC this summer.
Future me: When you are working hard and you feel you need the motivation to keep going, this is exactly why the past me is writing this blog post. (Other than the fact that he's still kind of excited and not being able to go to bed.. haha)
A few hundred words won't justify most of my junior year that I spent on trying to secure summer opportunities, but I guess at least two superdays are worth mentioning: Credit Suisse's at Raleigh and Fidelity Investments' at Boston. For the former, I had three back-to-back interviews, which is pretty decent, apart from the fact that it was held in Raleigh, North Carolina, which is a good two hours flight away from Bradley airport. I woke up at 3 am on a Friday, drove for an hour to Bradley airport, flew into Raleigh, rented a car there, interviewed, had chicken waffles (a local delicacy, wonderful separately but kinda weird when eaten together), and flew back on the same day. I reached Amherst close to midnight. The latter was a much friendlier trip, with Boston being slightly less than two hours drive from Amherst. But I had seven back-to-back half hour interviews on that Tuesday with veterans from Fidelity, followed by two case interviews with Bain (which I did in Fidelity's office building due to time constraints), and in the midst of a total of nine interviews that whole week.
I had a total of three interviews on three separate days with Atalaya. First was Thursday, I was really lucky that I was preparing for an Investment Banking (IB) superday on Friday which required finance technicals, allowing me to perform really well in the technical aspect first round interview. The turnover was quick, I was invited to speak with a Principal (turns out to be a super amazing dude) one day after my initial interview round. Since I was having the IB superday in New York that day, I was offered to speak in the office, which was great because meeting in person allowed me to connect really well with him. Monday was the President's Day, so I was nervously waiting on Tuesday until I received a call from the HR asking if I can speak with the COO during the early evening.
After around ten minutes into the call, a miracle happened. I can't remember his words verbatim, but he said something along the lines of "You're hired. Congratulations, have a nice afternoon. Now you at least have a place to go for the 8 weeks of summer." I was elated - I still am.. After everything I went through, it feels great to finally have my skills acknowledged and to be accepted. Without batting an eyelid, I verbally accepted the offer and asked a couple of questions, including some advice. The person I was interviewing with really liked Daniel Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow, so I figure I will spend some time reading it in the coming days.
Yup, that's it, folks. It's going to be my first stint, my first real work, and it's gonna be corporate America in New York City. I am blessed, and I am excited. I resolve to make use of this opportunity to the best of my capability, and to catch up on all the things that I have put aside when I was focusing on the job hunt. I'll go ahead with my other final round interview tomorrow morning, because it'll be too late to cancel it, but I think it's not too late to cancel my other super day next week. Thank you for all your support, prayers, and blessings, dear readers.
Finally, the funniest part about Atalaya is that I received the opportunity neither from Amherst alumni nor from networking, but from registering into an internship search startup called Snap! from a Facebook advertisement. Who would've thought procrastinating on Facebook could help you launch your career?
-R
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Crush
It's her birthday today. I said hi on Facebook, and am glad to hear that she's doing well.
I think my first will freak out if she learns that my phone password's her first name. Lol
May this day be full of gaiety, pals :)
-R
I think my first will freak out if she learns that my phone password's her first name. Lol
May this day be full of gaiety, pals :)
-R
Saturday, 9 January 2016
My 2016
Peace begins with me.
Hi readers,
2015 was a laden year, a lot of things happened and we are all forced to stretch ourselves in multiple dimensions. I have a feeling that 2016 is even more so.. Yet, if you ask me, what are my new year's resolutions, I only have one. Which is to come back to myself, and thank/love/clean/zero what is within me. I wish (for you and for me) that this year, I will smile more, be more grateful, and give more love to my life.
There is a sweet sound, a music, no a symphony that plays within everyone's tune. It follows the earth's rhythm, the soul's bliss, and I resolve to listen to and dance along that tune more closely. By following my bliss, I hope to attain peace, and be at peace more often. For I cannot offer anybody the world's peace, but I can offer my peace, the peace of I.
Moreover, I had the good fortune and the opportunity to spend my new years in the presence of my family members, and I am grateful for their continuous grace, health, and wealth. I am but a small speck traveling across the lands and seas, and I am grateful to know that there is always a home to go back to. As such, I resolve to remember this, to be more at peace with myself and my family, and to love them more.
There also has been multiple instances where I catch myself devoid of faith, and I forgive myself. How do I know that I am devoid of faith? Well, there are people, a lot of people, who have faith in me. The funny me would at times not trust myself, despite the fact that others around trust me very much. And thus I resolve to change, for who am I to not trust myself in spite of others'?
I have also been blessed with an abundance of guardian angels. People who care about me, who support me, who reach out to me in my darkest times. They remind me to be grateful and to be at peace, and they are also reasons why I am grateful and can be at peace. As such I resolve to be more gracious and helpful, such that I might be one to somebody around me.
I pray that I remember, always, to put love, faith, and God before everything else. After all, what is truly important?
Thank you, 2015. It has been a good run. Hello, 2016. I love you. And I wish all of you a peaceful and inspiring 2016.
Yours,
Rufus
Hi readers,
2015 was a laden year, a lot of things happened and we are all forced to stretch ourselves in multiple dimensions. I have a feeling that 2016 is even more so.. Yet, if you ask me, what are my new year's resolutions, I only have one. Which is to come back to myself, and thank/love/clean/zero what is within me. I wish (for you and for me) that this year, I will smile more, be more grateful, and give more love to my life.
There is a sweet sound, a music, no a symphony that plays within everyone's tune. It follows the earth's rhythm, the soul's bliss, and I resolve to listen to and dance along that tune more closely. By following my bliss, I hope to attain peace, and be at peace more often. For I cannot offer anybody the world's peace, but I can offer my peace, the peace of I.
Moreover, I had the good fortune and the opportunity to spend my new years in the presence of my family members, and I am grateful for their continuous grace, health, and wealth. I am but a small speck traveling across the lands and seas, and I am grateful to know that there is always a home to go back to. As such, I resolve to remember this, to be more at peace with myself and my family, and to love them more.
There also has been multiple instances where I catch myself devoid of faith, and I forgive myself. How do I know that I am devoid of faith? Well, there are people, a lot of people, who have faith in me. The funny me would at times not trust myself, despite the fact that others around trust me very much. And thus I resolve to change, for who am I to not trust myself in spite of others'?
I have also been blessed with an abundance of guardian angels. People who care about me, who support me, who reach out to me in my darkest times. They remind me to be grateful and to be at peace, and they are also reasons why I am grateful and can be at peace. As such I resolve to be more gracious and helpful, such that I might be one to somebody around me.
I pray that I remember, always, to put love, faith, and God before everything else. After all, what is truly important?
Thank you, 2015. It has been a good run. Hello, 2016. I love you. And I wish all of you a peaceful and inspiring 2016.
Yours,
Rufus
Wednesday, 23 December 2015
Winter (?) Wonderland
Hi Readers,
It's been a while, huh? I am sipping my Darjeeling tea and writing at the Lady K Cafe at Montague, MA. It's warm up here, I just saw in the weather forecast that it's only going to snow sometime next Tuesday. And I just finished with my finals, yep! I guess I've earned the right to be a teeny bit relaxed right now ;)
I never got the chance to put this story inside my blog, but early this semester my best friend Sho visited me from Brown. We met in the summer of 2014, when I was attending Princeton In Beijing. Sachou (lit. company president) is one of the funniest, nicest, and the most hentai person I've ever met. He's super relaxed and easygoing, and I truly enjoy hanging out with him. Anyways, when he was staying over at my place in Amherst, he introduced me to a bunch of ladies, including two Japanese first-years: One is studying in Mt Holyoke, and the other at Amherst. They are admittedly cute, and having spent a semester in Japan, I had a lot of things to relate to both of them.
It turns out that one of them rather enjoyed hanging out with me. I invited her to eat in Val with me on multiple occasions, and we've always had enjoyable conversations. I really appreciated her thoughts, her values, and her appreciation of my jokes. Somehow, I open up easily to her, and am able to talk about the things that mattered a lot in both of our lives. However, as this semester is a rather hectic one, I've never gotten the chance to get to know her really well, outside of the meals in Val.
Fast forward to a few days ago: I learned that she was leaving the day after our finals end, so I decided to ask her out for a dinner. We went to House of Teriyaki (I was craving some sun du bu and ttopokki) and had another nice chat. I didn't expect a lot from that dinner, but it turned out that she enjoyed red wine (money!) and was open to some drinks despite having to wake up early for her flight this morning, so I bought a bottle of a nice French fusion red wine after the dinner and invited her over. Honestly, it's been a while since I've had wine, and even more so having a girl over at my place. It was a good feeling; it's been a while that I had a nice female friend to exchange banters, share stories, and fire jokes at each other. It is a warm winter this winter, for sure.
It's not what you think, however, as I took her back to her room afterwards ;). ゆんちゃん、ありがとう! I had fun, and I look forward to hanging out again once you're back from Tokyo next semester. As I've told you, life is defined by moments, and moments like these, not the ones that happen in your Computer Science classes, are the ones that you will remember a long way down the road.
Now readers, tell me if you think she's the one from Amherst, or Mt. Holyoke?
Yours,
Rufus
It's been a while, huh? I am sipping my Darjeeling tea and writing at the Lady K Cafe at Montague, MA. It's warm up here, I just saw in the weather forecast that it's only going to snow sometime next Tuesday. And I just finished with my finals, yep! I guess I've earned the right to be a teeny bit relaxed right now ;)
I never got the chance to put this story inside my blog, but early this semester my best friend Sho visited me from Brown. We met in the summer of 2014, when I was attending Princeton In Beijing. Sachou (lit. company president) is one of the funniest, nicest, and the most hentai person I've ever met. He's super relaxed and easygoing, and I truly enjoy hanging out with him. Anyways, when he was staying over at my place in Amherst, he introduced me to a bunch of ladies, including two Japanese first-years: One is studying in Mt Holyoke, and the other at Amherst. They are admittedly cute, and having spent a semester in Japan, I had a lot of things to relate to both of them.
It turns out that one of them rather enjoyed hanging out with me. I invited her to eat in Val with me on multiple occasions, and we've always had enjoyable conversations. I really appreciated her thoughts, her values, and her appreciation of my jokes. Somehow, I open up easily to her, and am able to talk about the things that mattered a lot in both of our lives. However, as this semester is a rather hectic one, I've never gotten the chance to get to know her really well, outside of the meals in Val.
Fast forward to a few days ago: I learned that she was leaving the day after our finals end, so I decided to ask her out for a dinner. We went to House of Teriyaki (I was craving some sun du bu and ttopokki) and had another nice chat. I didn't expect a lot from that dinner, but it turned out that she enjoyed red wine (money!) and was open to some drinks despite having to wake up early for her flight this morning, so I bought a bottle of a nice French fusion red wine after the dinner and invited her over. Honestly, it's been a while since I've had wine, and even more so having a girl over at my place. It was a good feeling; it's been a while that I had a nice female friend to exchange banters, share stories, and fire jokes at each other. It is a warm winter this winter, for sure.
It's not what you think, however, as I took her back to her room afterwards ;). ゆんちゃん、ありがとう! I had fun, and I look forward to hanging out again once you're back from Tokyo next semester. As I've told you, life is defined by moments, and moments like these, not the ones that happen in your Computer Science classes, are the ones that you will remember a long way down the road.
Now readers, tell me if you think she's the one from Amherst, or Mt. Holyoke?
Yours,
Rufus
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
The Soul Purpose of Life
Every being has a soul; but only a few people are blessed with the awareness of the Universe.
I have always been in the borderline, there are days in which the voices within me sound clearer than ever. The whole world, the whole universe, is just a playground for our souls to grow and learn. Once these souls have matured enough, they will go back (or perhaps, for the benefit of linearity, progress) to where they originate from.
All the scenarios and the things we go through in life has already happened, but are not absolute because every parallel moment is a co-creation between our physical self, earthly ego, and the captain of the chariot, our soul. The way all events unfold, the connection between my life and other's lives, or even all my past and future selves, ultimately point to the direction of a whole one being. That is why masters call the events of our lives "dramas" or "soap operas". We are not physical beings experiencing a spiritual phenomena; we are spiritual beings experiencing a physical life. Thus, whatever ambitions or goals we have are merely "stories" or even a "movie" to the driver of the chariot.
I profess I have trouble keeping patient at times. I finally am getting closer to the answer of "why me, why now at this point?" and "what is the purpose of my life?", and until I develop a better connection with my master which shall endow me a greater wisdom of understanding, I resolve to carry out my duties joyfully, and to try my best to enjoy every single moment possible, to the greatest.
Enjoy? You must be crazy. How does one enjoy the cold weather, the possibility of being physically hurt or sick, the stress and burden of your job, the feeling of rejection or loneliness from your fellow human beings, or the feeling of uncertainty and lostness, even despair toward the future?
The answer lies on the fact that the physical experience comes with such limitations for a number of good reasons. It remains a fact that if you lift and move around heavy things your muscle will feel the strain, but imagine if you are a slave in Egypt doing it, or if you are a husband trying to move your family's belongings into a new house. Yes, both actions create some form of physical strain, such is the nature of life. However, wouldn't the two people have very different emotions and states of minds?
I don't know how far I am in the school of life, in the progression or advancement of souls. I heard that it's not going to be far too long from this point onward, but I figured that since I am probably going to live slightly longer, and I am meant to fulfill certain tasks, why not I try my best to enjoy all the process? I understand too that there are karmic ties, perhaps I have been undoing most of them, and hopefully I am not building too much of those too. But, whoever people you have sent, are sending, or will send my way, I am very grateful for them. And I will treat them with the respect they deserve, and I will help them as they will help me, for I believe that in each person I come across there is something I can learn from them.
I shall talk more about myself specifically right now, I will expose most of my inner sanctuary because I need to see this in writing in order to have a clearer dialogue with my Higher Self. Readers, you are seeing me threadbare. Don't mind me. I understand that I have been through countless lives and incarnations, but I am poised towards and being reminded of my existence as an European Aristocrat around the 15th century. It never occurred to me to ask why specifically that life was made clear to me, until I realized that the me in this life is probably the most similar to the me in that life.
I heard the aristocrat is such a great person. He is a hero in his own right, and allow me to christen him Rufus. Rufus loves red wine. He is a man of many charms, always surrounded by girls. He is a capable and confident man. He travels for his work, and at the young age of 19 he has been sent by the Luxembourg kingdom to settle a national affair. I heard that he is smart, ambitious, and driven. He dates a different woman for each different city he lived in. Although, he has a soft spot that I still carry on today: Rufus stays restless until he finishes whatever tasks he needs to finish.
Rufus is me, but I am a different person, a different entity from Rufus. I have my own story to fulfill, my own journey to take. I heard that the physical being of me is nowhere near a hundredth of Rufus', but there is definitely a reason why we are so similar, and perhaps our paths might overlap. After all, I am Rufus, Rufus is me.
For some reason, Rufus tells me that life as a me is more interesting, and he wishes that I remember to loosen up too. Be grateful for life. Be glad that you are on this journey. Be aware, but don't think too much because you will wear out. Everything will unfold as it is, and the things to be learned will be learned. The soul of the universe does not function with an ego: Although they shape our destiny, they actually are the epitome of the free will and respect for the different paths and lives that we can take. And finally, everything is going to be alright. In fact, it always is, no matter what.
Yours,
Rufus.
I have always been in the borderline, there are days in which the voices within me sound clearer than ever. The whole world, the whole universe, is just a playground for our souls to grow and learn. Once these souls have matured enough, they will go back (or perhaps, for the benefit of linearity, progress) to where they originate from.
All the scenarios and the things we go through in life has already happened, but are not absolute because every parallel moment is a co-creation between our physical self, earthly ego, and the captain of the chariot, our soul. The way all events unfold, the connection between my life and other's lives, or even all my past and future selves, ultimately point to the direction of a whole one being. That is why masters call the events of our lives "dramas" or "soap operas". We are not physical beings experiencing a spiritual phenomena; we are spiritual beings experiencing a physical life. Thus, whatever ambitions or goals we have are merely "stories" or even a "movie" to the driver of the chariot.
I profess I have trouble keeping patient at times. I finally am getting closer to the answer of "why me, why now at this point?" and "what is the purpose of my life?", and until I develop a better connection with my master which shall endow me a greater wisdom of understanding, I resolve to carry out my duties joyfully, and to try my best to enjoy every single moment possible, to the greatest.
Enjoy? You must be crazy. How does one enjoy the cold weather, the possibility of being physically hurt or sick, the stress and burden of your job, the feeling of rejection or loneliness from your fellow human beings, or the feeling of uncertainty and lostness, even despair toward the future?
The answer lies on the fact that the physical experience comes with such limitations for a number of good reasons. It remains a fact that if you lift and move around heavy things your muscle will feel the strain, but imagine if you are a slave in Egypt doing it, or if you are a husband trying to move your family's belongings into a new house. Yes, both actions create some form of physical strain, such is the nature of life. However, wouldn't the two people have very different emotions and states of minds?
I don't know how far I am in the school of life, in the progression or advancement of souls. I heard that it's not going to be far too long from this point onward, but I figured that since I am probably going to live slightly longer, and I am meant to fulfill certain tasks, why not I try my best to enjoy all the process? I understand too that there are karmic ties, perhaps I have been undoing most of them, and hopefully I am not building too much of those too. But, whoever people you have sent, are sending, or will send my way, I am very grateful for them. And I will treat them with the respect they deserve, and I will help them as they will help me, for I believe that in each person I come across there is something I can learn from them.
I shall talk more about myself specifically right now, I will expose most of my inner sanctuary because I need to see this in writing in order to have a clearer dialogue with my Higher Self. Readers, you are seeing me threadbare. Don't mind me. I understand that I have been through countless lives and incarnations, but I am poised towards and being reminded of my existence as an European Aristocrat around the 15th century. It never occurred to me to ask why specifically that life was made clear to me, until I realized that the me in this life is probably the most similar to the me in that life.
I heard the aristocrat is such a great person. He is a hero in his own right, and allow me to christen him Rufus. Rufus loves red wine. He is a man of many charms, always surrounded by girls. He is a capable and confident man. He travels for his work, and at the young age of 19 he has been sent by the Luxembourg kingdom to settle a national affair. I heard that he is smart, ambitious, and driven. He dates a different woman for each different city he lived in. Although, he has a soft spot that I still carry on today: Rufus stays restless until he finishes whatever tasks he needs to finish.
Rufus is me, but I am a different person, a different entity from Rufus. I have my own story to fulfill, my own journey to take. I heard that the physical being of me is nowhere near a hundredth of Rufus', but there is definitely a reason why we are so similar, and perhaps our paths might overlap. After all, I am Rufus, Rufus is me.
For some reason, Rufus tells me that life as a me is more interesting, and he wishes that I remember to loosen up too. Be grateful for life. Be glad that you are on this journey. Be aware, but don't think too much because you will wear out. Everything will unfold as it is, and the things to be learned will be learned. The soul of the universe does not function with an ego: Although they shape our destiny, they actually are the epitome of the free will and respect for the different paths and lives that we can take. And finally, everything is going to be alright. In fact, it always is, no matter what.
Yours,
Rufus.
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