When I was meeting my spiritual adviser (and most importantly, friend) back home this summer, she was giving me some advice on talking to women. She told me to be creative in my ways in approaching them and talking to them. When I asked her what she meant by "creative", she gave me an example:
"For instance, let's say you are in a cafe, and the person of interest is sitting there. You can just say, 'scuse me, you mind if I sit here?' and sit yourself right across her."
---
I started this morning feeling slightly anxious and emotionally drained. I found a great book to read by Abraham Hicks, and decided to ditch everything else and read the book while sipping a cup of Starbucks' green tea latte. I would typically get my car and drive to the Starbucks in Hadley, but it was snowing pretty hard, and therefore I decided just to walk to the one in town. I got my green tea latte, paid, and stood up waiting for my drink before looking for a seat.
Guess what: She's waltzed right into the store, marked her place to sit, and bought her drink. You bet I asked if I could sit right across her. Later on I learned that she was out of allowance, and the only thing she could buy is Starbucks because she had the card. And it was her last dollar too. And you bet I took her to lunch, and you bet I had a great conversation with her :)
And now I wonder why I sometimes I believe that coincidences exist.
Saturday, 1 April 2017
Sunday, 26 March 2017
Wong's Garden
Because I know my priorities.
---
About a year and eight months ago I finally bought a car after convincing my parents for a long time. Driving was not only essential to getting around in Western Mass, doing so is also one of my greatest escapes. Often, I'd take a personal sojourn for no reason whatsoever, other than enjoying to stepping on my gas pedal, rolling down my windows, and blasting my music.
Having a car also helps a great deal in my quest of finding the perfect restaurant that serves the perfect General Tso's (or one of its variants). The perfect restaurant has to be:
---
About a year and eight months ago I finally bought a car after convincing my parents for a long time. Driving was not only essential to getting around in Western Mass, doing so is also one of my greatest escapes. Often, I'd take a personal sojourn for no reason whatsoever, other than enjoying to stepping on my gas pedal, rolling down my windows, and blasting my music.
Having a car also helps a great deal in my quest of finding the perfect restaurant that serves the perfect General Tso's (or one of its variants). The perfect restaurant has to be:
- Far enough from the college so that I can enjoy the drive and know for sure that I won't run into anyone else I know;
- Near enough from the college such that I don't starve to death before arriving and I don't have to spend too much money on gas;
- Serve great tasting General Tso's or one of it's variants for cheap, but being served by non-Asian waiters - so that I never get judged for speaking broken Chinese or for ordering an Americanized Chinese food;
- Never be too crowded so it does not feel awkward eating alone, nor do I feel disturbed when recharging and reflecting about life; and
- Serve free-flowing tea and water, which I can sip as I think about life.
I discovered such a restaurant in Belchertown, a neighboring town about 20 minutes away from Amherst College: Huge portions of food is about the only downside the restaurant has. Wong's Garden thrives on take-outs, and therefore it is never crowded (I confess to be rather nervous during my first visit - the restaurant was empty and I was bracing myself for mediocre food). I have yet tried their General Tso's, but their Wong's Garden Special Chicken is something I swear by. The waitresses are kind and polite, they never tell me that as an Asian I shouldn't order Americanized Chinese food. And I always feel comfortable sipping my tea and writing on my journal long after I signed my check. I am going to severely miss this place when I graduate and move out.
On a side note, I asked myself why I enjoy being by myself, and why I have a need to be by myself. The answer I got was because it is only when I am only with myself, I can be myself. I can be true to me, the way I really am. I feel happy because I feel authentic. Being myself liberates me.
The dialectic continued as I asked if and how I can be myself when I am not by myself. The response I got was to calm myself down by knowing what to care and stop caring about the rest. It was a great reminder to quieten the noises - I have been living with my mind and emotions agitated, and it exhausts me. I have proven that I can be calm, that I can care less, and still be really sharp and socially functional. Maybe caring less makes me even more socially functional. Calming down, trying less hard, caring less, and enjoying and living more.
Sunday, 12 March 2017
MA2W
Whenever I drive back to Amherst from Boston, I meander through stretches of single-lane roads. As night falls, I particularly enjoy rolling down my window, sticking my hands out, and blasting some music. I will then put my headlights up and channel my inner rapper. Sure, I will dim them when oncoming cars pass by. But if my flickering does not dim theirs, I know how to take my hands off the steer and throw gang signs. Imagine what goes through their heads:
"Look at this Uber guy, does he think he's 50 Cent or what?" (I drive a black Honda Civic - an Uber X classic.)
Time to invest in some shades, blings, and a bloody coupe I guess..
"Look at this Uber guy, does he think he's 50 Cent or what?" (I drive a black Honda Civic - an Uber X classic.)
Time to invest in some shades, blings, and a bloody coupe I guess..
Tuesday, 22 November 2016
Portlandia
Hi
readers, how have you all been?
I am on
my Thanksgiving break now, and as per usual tradition, I am in a café while
writing this blog post. No, I am not in Portlandia’s Portland (which refers to
Oregon) but I am at the one in Maine.
I think
life’s greatest luxury is paying three dollars for a delicious cup of black
coffee and sitting around while pouring your thoughts into paper. Yep, you got
it right, I drove off three hundred miles away from Amherst just to hide myself
in a coffee shop and write.
This
trip was inspired by my trip to Tahara in Japan. There, I learned that there is
some value in isolating yourself, going somewhere far off, leaving a lot of
things unplanned, and learn to live by the moment. I set off my journey looking
for an answer, and although I don’t think I have found it yet, I feel I am
somewhat closer to it.
Answer
to what? Truth be told, I have been feeling a bit disoriented as of late.
Whatever the cause may be, I know that it is all rooted in my attitude, not my
external circumstances. If I am truly honest to myself, I am hard pressed to
find instances where I am genuinely happy in the past month or so. I have been
burying myself in the midst of schoolwork, books, and comics. There seemed to
be something that I was avoiding, something that I did not want to face. Also,
it’s not that I felt out of touch with my friends and social group – I had
meaningful interactions and conversations with my friends, but I still couldn’t
avoid the feeling that I was unplugged from my source.
Yet, how
come is it, in the middle of Maine, in a city with thousands of unknown faces,
in the midst of the shopping district and the hustle and bustle of cars and
pedestrians, I find warmth?
When I
put the first sip of coffee to my mouth, I was so grateful. I was so thankful
to be alive, to be able to enjoy the citrusy, cherryish coffee. I was grateful
to be able to stare out of the window, to stare at the passersby, and to enjoy
the rows of shops across the street. I was grateful that, the long, winding
road I took eventually took me here.
Thank
you, Portland. Now I remember to smile, to laugh, to live, and to enjoy life.
Saturday, 1 October 2016
A Quick Thought
Beloved Readers,
In the midst of some interviewing procs at the moment. Fortune actually smiled rather early this time, and I am really grateful for that. Thanks for all your prayers!
Just a quick reflection - something I picked up during my summer internship was that it pays to be transparent. "Radical Transparency" seems to be a concept practiced in Bridgewater, one of the largest hedge funds in the U.S., and was obviously carried over to my workplace by my superiors who used to worked there.
Transparency is described as how adults handle their issues and settle disputes or conflicts: Basing arguments on facts and logic instead of emotion. With the word transparent also comes the connotation of "bare it all" or "say it the way it is", and I often describe it as a "necessary slap in the face". I prided myself in having been exposed to it and vowed to practice it going forward: A frigid, logical way of handling things that is mature, efficient, and beneficial to both parties.
Looking from a distance, I admit I was wrong.
I was wrong for a number of reasons - and not only because there are instances where even the most educated people can meagerly reason with fact and logic, but I also learned the hard way that there is always an appropriate time and place to be transparent.
However, it always pays to be perceived as transparent.
-R
In the midst of some interviewing procs at the moment. Fortune actually smiled rather early this time, and I am really grateful for that. Thanks for all your prayers!
Just a quick reflection - something I picked up during my summer internship was that it pays to be transparent. "Radical Transparency" seems to be a concept practiced in Bridgewater, one of the largest hedge funds in the U.S., and was obviously carried over to my workplace by my superiors who used to worked there.
Transparency is described as how adults handle their issues and settle disputes or conflicts: Basing arguments on facts and logic instead of emotion. With the word transparent also comes the connotation of "bare it all" or "say it the way it is", and I often describe it as a "necessary slap in the face". I prided myself in having been exposed to it and vowed to practice it going forward: A frigid, logical way of handling things that is mature, efficient, and beneficial to both parties.
Looking from a distance, I admit I was wrong.
I was wrong for a number of reasons - and not only because there are instances where even the most educated people can meagerly reason with fact and logic, but I also learned the hard way that there is always an appropriate time and place to be transparent.
However, it always pays to be perceived as transparent.
-R
Monday, 4 July 2016
Fireworks
This is actually a post that is related to a larger theme of what I do in NYC on the weekends (since all I have been blogging about is work), but that post to come later, so that I actually remind myself to do it :)
It is Fourth of July, and I was invited by Nich and Rachel to have dinner at their place before going to their rooftop to watch fireworks by the East River. I am really grateful for the wonderful couple, and as we sat down and savored the wonderful spaghetti and tasting the exquisite Italian red wine from the vase-shaped decanter, I learned more about the couples' lives and careers. It struck me that I was given such a beautiful and wonderful opportunity to be in New York - to experience an authentic American experience that I would otherwise never will experience. The kinds of people I meet, the friends I hang out with, the conversations I have, all are quite different from what I am used to in Amherst - and I am really grateful.
When the clock strikes 9:30pm, we took the elevator to the rooftop, where Rachel celebrated her birthday just a few weeks ago. It was a majestic sight - probably only seven or eight blocks away from the river, and I could see the boats just propelling leviathan-sized blobs of fire. It was drizzling softly, which actually eased the crowd in the balcony and allowing us a better view of the fireworks.
As I saw the colorful flares fly up the sky, scatter, and die out, accompanied with crackles and booms for a full twenty minutes, it occurred to me that I am tremendously fortunate to have the opportunity to live in New York and experience my life here this summer. It occurred to me that it was worth every single effort that I took - captured somewhat in the post "Internship" - to be there, standing by the river, and watching the fires flicker majestically and die out.
The fireworks capture my summer pretty well - it starts with a bang, it is bright, flashy, and colorful, it is hot and it burns (which comes from the work that I am putting in and the friction that molds me as I encounter and learn to deal with people who are usually outside of my comfort zone), and it fades away in an instant (it's only for ten weeks). Words cannot express how much gratitude I was feeling when I saw those fireworks. Yes, it has not been an easy journey, but I have been really fortunate as I have been blessed with amazing people who are always there to support me, help me out, and guide me. And therefore I am grateful. The other great thing about fireworks that it reminds you how ephemeral life is - why am I wasting my time thinking negative thoughts, criticizing other people, worrying, or becoming anxious? It will all be over soon.
And yes - there is more to come. I have learned that when you are truly grateful, saying thank you is not enough, you have to show it. I resolve to show it by dedicating myself to my work, and learning to love every aspect of it. :)
The other thought I had was: As an intern, my attitude toward work has always been (and is going to be) yes, yes, and a yes. As I echo the language in my office, I would say: "Happy to do this/that for you." And this, despite how difficult or mundane the task is, or how tired or stressed I was, is what I strive for. It just struck me, that perhaps this is one of the easiest of accepting and loving life - to pretend that life is just your manager, giving you things to do. Because whatever good or bad things that happen to you, there is only one path forward that you can control, which is what you do. Are you doing something you have to do? Or are you avoiding it, complaining, cursing, so on and so forth? What if, for every single thing, task, or situation life gives me, I am able to smile and enthusiastically say: "Thank you for entrusting me with this opportunity/challenge/responsibility. I am happy to do this for You, Mr. Life." Of course, every now and then I will need a break, and that's fair, because nobody I have ever met works 24/7. But what an attitude to have!
Happy July, beloved readers.
Rufus
It is Fourth of July, and I was invited by Nich and Rachel to have dinner at their place before going to their rooftop to watch fireworks by the East River. I am really grateful for the wonderful couple, and as we sat down and savored the wonderful spaghetti and tasting the exquisite Italian red wine from the vase-shaped decanter, I learned more about the couples' lives and careers. It struck me that I was given such a beautiful and wonderful opportunity to be in New York - to experience an authentic American experience that I would otherwise never will experience. The kinds of people I meet, the friends I hang out with, the conversations I have, all are quite different from what I am used to in Amherst - and I am really grateful.
When the clock strikes 9:30pm, we took the elevator to the rooftop, where Rachel celebrated her birthday just a few weeks ago. It was a majestic sight - probably only seven or eight blocks away from the river, and I could see the boats just propelling leviathan-sized blobs of fire. It was drizzling softly, which actually eased the crowd in the balcony and allowing us a better view of the fireworks.
As I saw the colorful flares fly up the sky, scatter, and die out, accompanied with crackles and booms for a full twenty minutes, it occurred to me that I am tremendously fortunate to have the opportunity to live in New York and experience my life here this summer. It occurred to me that it was worth every single effort that I took - captured somewhat in the post "Internship" - to be there, standing by the river, and watching the fires flicker majestically and die out.
The fireworks capture my summer pretty well - it starts with a bang, it is bright, flashy, and colorful, it is hot and it burns (which comes from the work that I am putting in and the friction that molds me as I encounter and learn to deal with people who are usually outside of my comfort zone), and it fades away in an instant (it's only for ten weeks). Words cannot express how much gratitude I was feeling when I saw those fireworks. Yes, it has not been an easy journey, but I have been really fortunate as I have been blessed with amazing people who are always there to support me, help me out, and guide me. And therefore I am grateful. The other great thing about fireworks that it reminds you how ephemeral life is - why am I wasting my time thinking negative thoughts, criticizing other people, worrying, or becoming anxious? It will all be over soon.
And yes - there is more to come. I have learned that when you are truly grateful, saying thank you is not enough, you have to show it. I resolve to show it by dedicating myself to my work, and learning to love every aspect of it. :)
The other thought I had was: As an intern, my attitude toward work has always been (and is going to be) yes, yes, and a yes. As I echo the language in my office, I would say: "Happy to do this/that for you." And this, despite how difficult or mundane the task is, or how tired or stressed I was, is what I strive for. It just struck me, that perhaps this is one of the easiest of accepting and loving life - to pretend that life is just your manager, giving you things to do. Because whatever good or bad things that happen to you, there is only one path forward that you can control, which is what you do. Are you doing something you have to do? Or are you avoiding it, complaining, cursing, so on and so forth? What if, for every single thing, task, or situation life gives me, I am able to smile and enthusiastically say: "Thank you for entrusting me with this opportunity/challenge/responsibility. I am happy to do this for You, Mr. Life." Of course, every now and then I will need a break, and that's fair, because nobody I have ever met works 24/7. But what an attitude to have!
Happy July, beloved readers.
Rufus
Sunday, 12 June 2016
Femme Fatale
Readers,
This week, my very first girlfriend Vic came to NYC to participate in a training program for her summer internship. It didn't work out between us as we were both young and stupid (maybe we still are, not too sure), but because we had made amends, she reached out to me and we agreed to meet up and hang out over the weekend. Initially, the plan was only to take her out for a dinner (we ended up getting Indonesian food, which was great!) but we ended up doing other stuff too.
And we did have a lot of fun! Now, take your minds out of the gutter, por favor. While my buddies in the office were curious about the prospect of me hooking up with her, I think there is a sense of "best practices" that we mutually understood. I did flirt with her, I did touch her softly, but we knew that the ship was sailing nowhere. But we did, however, visit the Trump Tower, got pretty smashed in the HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother)'s bar, and watched a hilarious stand-up at Comedy Cellar.
I think I forgot what it felt like to have a lady treat you so well. Call me a fool, but I am so used to play the part of the f#@king gentleman, which makes me blind to the fact that a woman can treat me really well too. Don't get me wrong, I did try to be a gentleman for her in the past two nights. I successfully covered two out of the four bills (the last two she fought fiercely for), I made sure I dress up well, made sure she had enough water to drink (she was coughing), and walked her back to her place before going back to my own.
She was great, though. She was very respectful and kind when speaking with me, but she took my jokes well and responded in kind. She was really responsive and flexible when we tried making plans, and she was open about her preferences. There were no games. She showed up looking gorgeous (been a while since I had a lady dress up for me) and earlier than me, under the pretext of, in her own words, "just in case there is a line." She enjoyed and laughed hard at the stand-up, she consciously ate less when we ate together and made me eat more. She fought for the bill everytime. She made sure I texted her when I got back to my place safely. Never once she checked her phone when I was in her presence: She made sure to wait until I had to go to the bathroom or something.
Thank you, Vic. Really appreciate it. Our encounter opened my eyes, that actually there are women out there who are willing to put in the effort for me. That is really, really much appreciated.
Make no mistake, readers, I don't foresee any future between us. I am no longer the naive boy who I was, and I know that we're much better off being friends like the past weekend. Having said that, I really appreciated how she treated me as a man, and going forward, I resolve to dedicate my resources to other such ladies. She'll find a great guy!
-R
This week, my very first girlfriend Vic came to NYC to participate in a training program for her summer internship. It didn't work out between us as we were both young and stupid (maybe we still are, not too sure), but because we had made amends, she reached out to me and we agreed to meet up and hang out over the weekend. Initially, the plan was only to take her out for a dinner (we ended up getting Indonesian food, which was great!) but we ended up doing other stuff too.
And we did have a lot of fun! Now, take your minds out of the gutter, por favor. While my buddies in the office were curious about the prospect of me hooking up with her, I think there is a sense of "best practices" that we mutually understood. I did flirt with her, I did touch her softly, but we knew that the ship was sailing nowhere. But we did, however, visit the Trump Tower, got pretty smashed in the HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother)'s bar, and watched a hilarious stand-up at Comedy Cellar.
I think I forgot what it felt like to have a lady treat you so well. Call me a fool, but I am so used to play the part of the f#@king gentleman, which makes me blind to the fact that a woman can treat me really well too. Don't get me wrong, I did try to be a gentleman for her in the past two nights. I successfully covered two out of the four bills (the last two she fought fiercely for), I made sure I dress up well, made sure she had enough water to drink (she was coughing), and walked her back to her place before going back to my own.
She was great, though. She was very respectful and kind when speaking with me, but she took my jokes well and responded in kind. She was really responsive and flexible when we tried making plans, and she was open about her preferences. There were no games. She showed up looking gorgeous (been a while since I had a lady dress up for me) and earlier than me, under the pretext of, in her own words, "just in case there is a line." She enjoyed and laughed hard at the stand-up, she consciously ate less when we ate together and made me eat more. She fought for the bill everytime. She made sure I texted her when I got back to my place safely. Never once she checked her phone when I was in her presence: She made sure to wait until I had to go to the bathroom or something.
Thank you, Vic. Really appreciate it. Our encounter opened my eyes, that actually there are women out there who are willing to put in the effort for me. That is really, really much appreciated.
Make no mistake, readers, I don't foresee any future between us. I am no longer the naive boy who I was, and I know that we're much better off being friends like the past weekend. Having said that, I really appreciated how she treated me as a man, and going forward, I resolve to dedicate my resources to other such ladies. She'll find a great guy!
-R
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