To have a spine

Readers,

Hope all is well with you. It is March, and it is snowing here in New York (aand.. I think the office is closed tomorrow. Will probably still come in normally, but it might mean a quieter Monday.)

I am taking a Mindvalley class called the Journey to Personal Mastery by Srikumar Rao, and it has been very interesting and relevant to my life right now. A case that has recently filed, that brought together a lot of effort from everyone, had its deadline pushed back by a week a few days before the previous deadline. And in keeping with the "good, bad, who knows?" lesson, that night I actually got to chat a bit with Lori thanks to the deadline getting pushed back. I was able to give her a dark chocolate kit-kat, (yes, I'm Japanese (jk), so I give out chocolates during Valentine's), and listened to her stories on how she not only once, twice, but three times selflessly put her needs aside to help random strangers in New York, giving out food and calling the ambulance/911 for emergencies. I told her that I was really touched because she truly exemplified someone who was not living in a "me-centered universe", and I told her that it was rare. I was very happy to hear about these acts of love during the Valentine's, and truly it was a good thing that the case filing deadline got pushed back!

Anyways, Srikumar hit me again with his spot-on anecdote today. He asked me to imagine if my firm was laying off people, and I was able to stay employed but needed to have my salary cut in half, what my response would be. Would it be: "Well, screw this, I will start looking and will dip the very moment I find a suitable job" or would it be: "Thank goodness I'm still employed - I'll figure out a way to reduce my expenses, while thriving and doing my job so well that the firm can be where it was before, or even better!"

He made me realize that I might have adopted an improper mindset all along. Why can't I be curious, enthusiastic, and commit only to giving myself and the firm the best quality work, and then some? And why can't I also be looking into other opportunities at the same time? When I eventually part with the firm, I want to be able to look at myself and look at the work I have done, and I can honestly tell myself that I have given my best and I have made a difference to the firm and to the people I work with. And might as well be a killer analyst while I'm trying to make a difference. So my mission statement, my mandate, is as follows: To enthusiastically maintain my well-being and focus on my happiness, leading to my productivity and ever-improvement as an analyst. I affirm to be curious and creative, and to happily and straightforwardly tackle tasks and plan work strategies so our work can be done in a highly effective manner! And to keep the conversation going, to keep reaching out to people, and pave my way toward my next career, having contributed significantly to my firm!

Lastly - an ideal boss. I'm tired of thinking and focusing attention on the things that are not working well, and therefore, I shall write about the boss and the mentor I truly looked up to, Alex Wang. Alex was my second round interviewer at Atalaya, and essentially became my mentor, advisor, and sponsor throughout my summer internship there. Even though I don't miss the hours, I did miss my interactions and learning with him. For one, it helps that he is someone I really look up to: He thinks very fast, is very confident, is very sociable, is very smart and persuasive generally (can probably sell me a broken down vacuum cleaner for five hundred bucks), and he genuinely cared for me. He taught me what it means to have a backbone, but also when to be confident in oneself and easily admit one's mistake. I truly learned from him that a sign of confidence is to be relaxed and easygoing about your possibility of making a mistake - you won't get fired! Just double-check it and apologize if it's really your mistake. Not the end of the world. He is truly a man of the people too - when he saw Dom in Treehaus he immediately recognized that she was in duress, and immediately checked in with her to offer her help. Finally, I will never forget when he gave me the "spiel" about Atalaya the very last day. He stood up for me and told me to stand up for myself, where Drew was imposing conditions and just very transparently pointed out my "flaws" and "defects" and "unpromotability to a principal". He told me to not buy into the bulls**t, have a spine, and go elsewhere instead of mindlessly being bent and shaped about by a firm.

So thank you, Alex. Unfortunately I do not have a boss/sponsor/mentor/advisor like yourself right now, no one as close as being as cool as you are. Therefore I shall be my own boss, I take what you've taught me so that I stay sociable, stand up for myself, being thoughtful and caring of others and especially for people "under" me, to be confident, charming, and to have a backbone. I am so glad that you took me under your wing, and I can't wait to grab dinner with you at the end of this month! 

Freesias before Roses (cont'd)

And so I did catch a dinner with her and gave her a cut Freesia. After telling me how beautiful it is, she gave it a whiff, and was marveled by how beautiful it smelled. And I did tell her how this flower was more known for its fragrance than its appearance, and I also asked her to find out the meaning of the flower. I... also told her that I never properly celebrated valentine's day, and it was on my checkbox to give a girl a flower on valentine's. And so I did!

We had Peruvian for dinner - she had a healthy dose of pisco sour and I had a huge helping of Peruvian red. It was really fun catching up with her, I listened about her new group she recently switched to at work, about her new apartment, about decluttering (which is high up there on my to-do list!) about her ex (I know, right?), and about her travels. I shared my stories about Indonesia and my case work and how I'm so fascinated/frustrated by analyst reports, and her take on it confirmed my nagging suspicions. hahaha. Frankly, she's a prime example of why online dating works, (or at least gives you a great friend), and she's the first, (and maybe the last?) of my online encounters. We'll see - I'm not terribly active at that space yet.

But anyways, I guess the question right now is, if there will ever be roses after the fresh cut of freesia. And frankly, I don't know! She's one of the sweetest, kind, and easygoing ladies I know in New York and I get really positive vibes hanging around her. It's just that... I'm not terribly physically attracted to her? (sure, even after a glass of red) I'm about 95% sure that my confidence is not misplaced - I'm very certain that if I ask her out romantically she'd be more than willing to, at the very least, to try it out. After all, the context that we're meeting each other/through is very clear, unlike to 99% of my other interactions with women (and that is rounding down heavily hahaha). But... just because I can, it doesn't mean I should. But she appreciates the smell of freesias. Hmm.

Well - I will say this much - in the past, and right now, (and in the future, too, I'm very certain), I meet ladies who are as kind and generous as she is, but who I'm happily attracted to. And god forbid, they do, occasionally, like me back too. Hahaha. I guess I'll relax for now and wait until that person comes along. And may she be as generous and kind and open-minded as this lady. And may this lady receive happiness, find love, and get over her ex hahaha because one does not drive forward while looking at the rear-view mirror all the time :)

Freesias before Roses

Once upon a time, there was a wise old man. He grew up living true to himself and believing in himself, and the time has come for him to pass along his wisdom. Despite being very wise and spiritual, he never abandoned his fancy side. He knew how to enjoy his life. And as such, in between his spiritual stories and tears of wisdom, he would introduce a young man to a high-quality way of living. One of them being the fragrance that he particularly enjoyed, that is, Jo Malone.

Once upon another time, that young man felt like learning the art of feng shui. After making tiny improvements, one and the other, he felt compelled to follow a romantic advice: Buy a bouquet of fresh cut roses, the redder the better, and then place them at a certain direction of his house. And he therefore did as such, one week after another, purchasing cut roses from the nearby grocers without fail.

As the young man wanted to become like the old man, he eventually decided to visit Jo Malone and purchase a perfume for himself. His favorite scent was English Pear and Freesia - but he told himself that he'd save it for his eventual significant other. Someone who he cares for and is precious for him, and someone who would wear the fragrance well.

"Too bad roses don't smell anywhere as nice as freesias," he thought to himself every time he buys his cut roses.

At a time, however, the grocer was pretty much out of roses, probably because Valentine's has just passed by. Thus whimsically, he decided to purchase a bundle of white freesias instead. As he looked up the meaning of freesias, he learned that freesias symbolize friendship and innocence. How fitting. He was meeting a woman for dinner at that night, and as a celebration for Valentine's, and in keeping with his intentions, he planned to give her a cut of freesia.

---

(to be continued)

Pretty Much Exclusively

Hi there!

I love you.

Now that we've gotten it out of the way, I'm doing very well, thank you very much :) I am enjoying this lacuna of busyness - with major deadlines coming up every two weeks, with weekend work having been strewn over the past couple and the foreseeable few weeks.

Writing this in my pajamas, right after my daily dose of gratitude and caffeine, in between sips of ripple (pea milk! tasty stuff, real hard to come by), and before my daily morning run. I was earlier super irritated at my cousin who has been crashing in my apartment for a while, but somehow a thought was offered to me, that said: "If the biggest problem in your life right now is only having a perfectly kind relative overextending your welcome, then you're in a very good shape."

And I am! Poof - it stopped becoming a thing.

Anyways, here are some highlights of the past few weeks since I came back to New York:

• Kevin Connors visited NY, got an amazing dinner and drinks with him and his friends, shared amazing stories about work, and heard amazing stories about JB lol
• Found an amazing online laundry app that saves me a lot of time, at a very very reasonable price
• Literally skipped two hours of work on a Saturday to play Pogo with Chris at Central Park. It was freezing and we haven't seen each other for forever and all we do is talk about pokemon but it's ok, it's awesome
• Decided against taking the CFA L2 for the time being. Pretty sure will be happy with this decision
• Got stupidly drunk with Liam and his friends at his birthday party. Had a blast. Bought him GoT limited-edition Johnny Walker whisky that looked super cool. Had amazing Chinese food for his birthday
• Updated my resume and just for the fun (and maybe profit?) spoke with couple recruiters who reached out. Became really inspired, like how I told Kevin: "It's like growing up ugly and suddenly being really attractive and suddenly having two to three girls talking to you wanting to get to know you better" hahahaha
• Got dinner with Jihong! And successfully explained to her the RMBS case I'm on right now. Fascinating how she was so fascinated by it, and how I managed to explain to her clearly
• But generally, have been working my a** off. Something very nice about it is the free lunches and dinners everyday. Also that my associates/managers are becoming very appreciative of my and my friends' contributions, and that the newer analysts are becoming super capable and reliable. And my bosses are much more flexible and understanding too. Yay!

I think my trip back to Indonesia helped, and definitely more so the spiritual wisdom/coaching/awakening/counsel. I feel genuinely braver, calmer, more content, more confident, more happy-go-lucky. As I told Kevin, whatever comes my way, I will be able to handle it! With grace and ease. I got this, I have faith in myself.

And yes, I set out to predominantly focus my attention on things that I love, that brings me happiness, that brings me joy. And yes, joy comes from growing, and growing comes from continued learning and diversity, which comes from having different experiences, continually challenging myself, taking risks, and allowing serendipity. And yes, as per Jerry Hicks' words, I strive to pretty much exclusively focus on things that I want. And if I do not know what I want, I easily and confidently ask to know what I want. May my continued focus and intention on joy allow me to immerse further and keep on enjoying this process :)

So for now, the intention is to understand the startup/combinator/fintech of New York better. To meet people who are passionate about what they're doing, and to have that spark rub off on me too. A similar goal to my vacation in Indonesia, to know what's going on and to talk to more people :)

And another last, bullet point, is that I have been keeping up a conversation with someone I really really adore. I am really enjoying getting to know her better, and I am really really grateful that she is in my life. Hehe :)

Cheers,

I Want to Know what I Want

Hi readers -

Last day in Jakarta before I fly back to New York tonight, and let me start with the punchline: I had a blast, learned a lot, and am immensely grateful that I had the opportunity to take such a long break from work to visit home, family, and friends.

I landed into Jakarta's T3 airport the first time on the fifth of January, and that was slightly over two years since I visited my birthplace. The fifteen or so days since has been well-spent, with me being able to enjoy solitary down-time, unproductive easing, and a plethora of family time toward the tail-end. While I maintain that relaxing, watching the rain from my home's balcony, and playing with Mocchi (my family's white/brown Pomeranian) dog is equally important and interesting, let me dedicate this post to three buckets of, if you will, objectives that I had in mind when I first started my vacation. Also! I have been running and gymming and generally keeping fit throughout this vacation, so props to me! Yay.

The big three goals are soul seeking, network-preneurship, and asset management. I think I met and or exceeded expectations in all three, especially the network-preneurship aspect, and I am very happy about it!

I read a lot of Abraham Hicks and some Neale Donald Walsch this vacation. Did not meditate as much as I would've liked, but most importantly I was able to identify positive feelings, and deliberately offer thoughts, gently guiding me to become happier and attract outcomes that are more in-line with whatever my higher self desires. I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Mbak Mary, Priscilla, and Suhu. Through them, I learned to conquer my worries, express myself more fully, and confidently stride to the future while always giving my best.

Asset management was simple - learned from Om Ian that the VC/startup bubble is probably bursting, while perpetually investing in evergreens, companies that would continue to exist as long as Americans exist, is probably the way to go. Updated my annual/quarterly balance sheet, and finally made some conservative asset-class bets in Singapore. Learned that UBS CIO does a stellar job analyzing the APAC economy and the potential technological innovations in the area.

Network-preneurship was a long, fruitful story - made me realize that there is a wealth of opportunities and interesting people to work with/for here, and made me realize that I am blessed with an abundance of network and people who are very very successful and enjoying what they do, even as I have been away for so long (and will probably be!). From the career side, I caught up with two of my Singaporean lawyer friends, and was introduced to an economic consultant in Singapore (obv, a rival firm - nascent opportunities for the litigation consulting field in ASEAN). Tech side is as equally interesting, me seeing Jason and hearing about his flexible lifestyle, working remotely while networking and contributing as a speaker and learning something new everyday, and then learning that this random Singaporean dude who sat next to me is a CTO of an Indonesian student loan startup, and that he has been really interested in poaching Jason. Throughout the trip, he encouraged me to come home and start something new, to keep on learning and not to be snared by the mediocrity trap. Who knew that in the end Jason and I would be visiting his headquarters in Thamrin for lunch. Who knew that the startup scene in Jakarta was so booming.

Two more encounters deserve honorable mention: 1) The late night, three-hour long phone call with Aditya Renaldi, my old friend from middle school whom I haven't seen for eight-or-so years. As he detailed his life's twists and turns, "sampe nangis-nangis terharu, wkwkwk", he was able to come to the conclusion that life is interesting - when he was so desperate for jobs and worried about his career he simply couldn't find one, but when he wasn't looking for them, he got two very amazing opportunities. I didn't tell him this, but folks, this is the law of attraction in action. 2) A wonderful dinner with Indira, who told me that her online media company is already using the human labeling factory to mass-produce training sets for machine learning, and that her boyfriend is actually running a successful advertising startup by putting small adverts on the back of motorcycles. What is fascinating about her boyfriend's story is that he has previously worked in a very lucrative career in a bank, and yet after four or five years working he left everything to start something of his own. And that he is highly ambitious, clearing the CFA easily and then wanting to get a higher education, always working super hard and giving the best, consciously avoiding the comfort zone.

But yes, this trip has been wonderful for many reasons, I have learned a lot, and I can say for sure that there are plenty of amazing people and opportunities here. We shall see.

EDIT:
The advice given to me, who claims to not know what he wants, is to routinely affirm to myself: "I want to know what I want."

Seeing my family and friends living their lives here definitely made me clearer toward knowing what I want. I want the freedom in terms of time and money, I want the health and fitness, I want the strong, meaningful, and beautiful relationships and community, I want to contribute and be impactful, I want to keep on learning and be at the leading-edge of knowledge, and I want discipline, generosity, courage, and an impeccable character and values.

Golden Ray

So...

This post is a reminder to my future-self while he is in New York, working and being busy, and perhaps starting to fill in with negativity (or at least, taking things for granted). I hope he will remember to pause, go to his own blog, and remember where he is coming from.

It started with a small thought and a simple worry: "What if I couldn't come back to the States on time?"

And instead of thinking the more positive, healthier alternative, I continued to feed the demon. I started to prepare for contingency plans, sharing my worry to my co-workers and managers, and even to my parents. I started having second thoughts about taking the vacation which I planned months in advance. I started to worry for no reason, even though I am and have always been in full compliance with the relevant laws and regulations.

When my appointment with the American Embassy came up, I met three other young, similarly aged Indonesian friends who were applying for the same visa as I do. I actually have previously met one of them in Singapore, and easily made friends with the other two. And yup, the three of them went ahead of me. They were very relaxed and calm, and guess what, their visas were approved on the spot! And mine.... needed additional checking. With the government shutdown, I feared for the worst.

I knew that all my worrying and ruminating has led to this outcome, and from the bottom of my heart I genuinely wanted to go back to the States, and continue learning and working there. Of course, I shared my worry with my family and friends, but I decided to trust the process and pretended that everything will go as planned. A couple thought models truly helped, such as Neale Donald Walsch's law of the Opposites, and Abraham Hicks' workshopping process, where I listed what I wanted, why I wanted it, and why I believe I can allow what I wanted to come to my life. Plus, I received a wonderful advice and prayer from my spiritual mentor, Mary Susaktiani, who I deeply respect and adore. I steadfastly held to the vision of me hugging my friends and coworkers back in New York, and focused on living on the moment and making the best out of my vacation here (and I have a bunch of wonderful amazing stories, which I will post a bit later). I even talked to myself, and playfully imagined meeting my friends in Singapore before I flew back to New York.

Voila! You know the ending! We manifest our thoughts and feelings, but we have the buffer of time on our side. And the power of positive thoughts and feelings (those that simply make you feel good) is so much more significant than the negative ones. So thank goodness!

"Selama dua kaki masih memijak bumi, semesta pasti akan mendukung dan membantu"

I submitted my passport on the first Monday I reached Jakarta, and despite the "additional checks", got a notification that my visa has been approved and ready on Thursday night that week, and I picked it up on Friday just fine. You can't imagine my relief and happiness as I opened the packet and saw the visa printed on my passport, you can't imagine my gratitude that I can continue to work and learn and contribute in the States! Flew to Singapore the next day (Saturday), and indeed saw my friends as I imagined.

Future self, gentle reminder to calm yourself down and have faith, and to be deliberate with your thoughts and feelings and what you are paying attention to.

To be continued,

Anastasia

Hello readers!

I think I've mentioned in a past post (tried looking for the post but it seems that it was from a long while back) that a while back I texted my first ever crush and said hi.

Guess what - today I finally met her for dinner, after not meeting her for probably a good nine or ten years. I texted her on Instagram, telling her I was visiting Jakarta, and asked her if she was willing to catch up at some point. She immediately accepted, and off we went for dinner.

My romantic interest in her has a rather interesting history. I met her during my first year of middle school because we happened to be in the same class, and we initially hated each others' guts. I was the bold, uncaring, and strict class leader, and probably she just despised me due to me being a general teacher's pet. And then toward the end of the first year, she suddenly asked for my forgiveness out of the blue. From that point onward, she always smiled so cheerfully as she called out my name.

Slowly but surely, my heart gave way, and I became smitten.

So smitten in fact that I would try to find excuses to visit her classroom during recess (we got re-assigned to different classes during our second and third year),

That I got super heart broken when I learned that she was dating another guy the following year,

That I low-key would make sure that everyday before I go home, I would detour to where she would regularly took the bus, in hopes that I would "accidentally" bump into her.

Well - I am glad that I got to catch up with her. Her fiery personality still doesn't change! She is a successful designer now, and it seems that she's enjoying her work! Yup... She is single right now, but I think I am smitten with someone else... ;)